White Flash! Your ECB Keeper Preview

Lost is gonna do it, folks. It's going to center the rest of the series around horribly contrived time travel storylines that make no scientific sense whatsoever even though they will go to great pains to try and explain them the exact way that a real scientist would. AND IT'S GOING TO ACTUALLY WORK! AWESOMELY! Thank god.

In that spirit, I hope everyone read all those juicy KFS blog entries from the past 7 months before the "island" "moved". They were really quite "something".

With another Compton title out of the CFA in the books and yet another season of SBL chugging along like the opposite of a train, it's clearly time to look ahead to the old ball game. About two months from now, at least 6 or 7 owners will convene at their computers instead of doing something awesome in person to put together their squadrons for the (believe it or not) 9th season of Elm City Baseball. In an effort to forget about Baron Davis, Rudy Gay, Chris Kaman, et the rest, let's take a refreshing glance at all 8 ECB teams' keeper situations.

ANAHEIM SQUATTERS
Mos def - David Wright, Jason Bay, Brandon Webb
Decision time - Derrek Lee, Magglio Ordonez, Alfonso Soriano
No Bob, no - Travis Hafner

A full season in the Sox lineup at Fenway should keep Bay in the hunt for top outfielder status, while Wright is a shoe-in at the thin but improving hot corner spot. Webb will no doubt anchor the Squatter staff all 21 regular season weeks, even if he is forced to play centerfield on opening day, falls into the swimming pool and is sucked into the drain thingy like that kid whose scarred torso was plastered all over CNN.com the other day with no warning. Thanks, trusted news organization!

Ordonez was a steady point producer last year in the wake of his off-the-charts 2007 season and will probably make the squad. The last spot should come down to a couple of North Siders in Lee and Soriano. With 2/3 of his outfield shored up, expect Bob to go with Derrek Lee at 1B.

Not at first base under any circumstances should be the awful Travis Hafner, who was given a second chance last year at this time after an anemic '07 and was somehow twice as bad. A non-protected Pronk might not be picked until the very late rounds, if at all.

Potential Keeper Grade - C-plus

BALTIMORE DEVIL JAYS
Mos def - Prince Fielder, Grady Sizemore, Matt Holliday
Decision time - Chipper Jones, Garrett Atkins, Adam Dunn, Michael Young
King of Pain - Felix Hernandez

Baltimore's big shakeup came last year, trading Evan Longoria and Johan Santana for Holliday and Hernandez. The ex-Jays are almost certain keepers on any team heading into '08, while only Holliday looks to make the new Jays roster. Joining the new Oakland A will most likely be the slugging Fielder and the all-around superstar Sizemore. All three players are likely candidates to top the 4 PPG mark and be the best at their positions.

On the fence for Grashow are a number of above average talents. Garrett Atkins has the least notoriety but probably the most upside here, due to his position and home park. Behind him are Jones and Dunn, both with major question marks. For the aging Chipper, can Baltimore get anything close to a repeat of 2008, only with more games played? For Dunn, it's where he'll end up playing. Michael Young is only included because he might be eligible at every IF position after the first month of the season and Baltimore just can't let go of him. In reality, he kind of blows now.

And what of Felix Hernandez, the tanatlizing righty on the worst team in the majors? When healthy, he's a near lock for 7+ innings and 8+ Ks every time out. But until we wise up and stop giving points for wins, Felix just isn't keeper material at this point. Unlike, say, Johan Santana. Trust me, Jon. This will be the most frustrating fantasy player you'll ever own. You will constantly try and trade him. And it won't never ever not work.

Potential Keeper Grade - B-minus

CHICAGO TIGER ARMY
Mos def - Ryan Howard, Justin Morneau, Carlos Quentin
Decision time - Lance Berkman, Carlos Beltran, Jay Bruce, Hunter Pence, Cole Hamels, Carlos Zambrano
I'd Do It - Chris Davis

Bonus points for 2007 Package Series Champion Owner Steve Adler (the Marisa Tomei/Mira Sorvino of KFS) and JB for making, gasp, an OFFSEASON TRADE! Unfortunately for young Steven, this one looks one-sided as all getout. And believe me, I know from one-sided trades involving unwanted pinstripers. Where Mark Teixiera once stood is now occupied by Carlos Quentin, and so even if nobody in the world will expect Quentin to duplicate his surprising 2008 stats, Adler pretty much has to keep him. He's probably among Chicago's top 5 players, so it's not terribly egregious. But at a glance, this has the potential to backfire.

By the way, Angel Berroa's on the Yankees now. Full. Circle

On the other hand, the Tiger Army is still loaded at first base, with Howard and Morneau locks to stick with the team and 1B-eligible Lance Berkman also in the running. The other candidates at the plate are all outfielders, in the young Jay Bruce and Hunter Pence and the steady Carlos Beltran. Pence suffered through a bit of a sophomore slump last season. And he doesn't play for the Reds, who are Emily's favorite team, and we all know Emily runs the show. Also, his last name isn't freaking BRUCE. So fuck him.

With at most one spot remaining, Adler may have his choice of fireballers on the mound. Philly hero Cole Hamels is probably a safer choice than the up-and-down Zambrano. Here's my prediction: He'll go with zzzzzzzzz.....

Sorry, fell asleep there talking about Adler's team. Happens to everyone. That was in no way a tip of the hat in Zambrano's direction.

Potential Keeper Grade - B-

MARSHALL STREET MENACE
Mos def - Joe Mauer, C.C. Sabathia
Decision time - Dustin Pedroia, Ian Kinsler, Carlos Lee, Brad Hawpe, Jake Peavy
Seriously, get out of the league - Derek Jeter

Here's a team that needs to draft really well at the top this year. The Menace appear to have the most holes heading into the season, with no true hitting superstars to speak of. Joe Mauer was the lone survivor to emerge from the Great Catcher Hoarding of 2008, and he will undoubtedly be carried over into 2009. Sure it'll be 2 or 3 years before he gets to Boston or New York so that his stats can really take off. But in the meantime, this is a guaranteed 2.5-4.0 PPG. Book it.

The rest of the hitters are tough to predict. The two most consistent bats all year long were Pedroia and Kinsler. Will their shared position split them apart, or does keeping them both make even more sense due to 2B scarcity? Yes. One of those. Two outfielders will also vie for a spot on the team in El Caballo and El Hawpemeister. -Ooski. -Von Hawpe. -ernator. Seeing no Rockies experts in our midst, I vote Carlos Lee.

One interesting option Watterson has is on the mound, where stone cold lock Sabathia could be paired with Jake Peavy to form the league's best pitching duo before the draft. If Peavy stays in San Diego, his ceiling remains as high as any ace in the game and Marshall St. could roll out an automatic 40-50 points per week with those two players.

OR! Minka Kelly's boyfriend could play shortstop once again and rule us all. With the addition of Range Factor well down our ECB priority list, this is totally plausible.

Potential Keeper Grade - C

MILE HIGH MACKEREL (DEFENDING CHAMPS)
Mos def - Mark Teixeira, Hanley Ramirez, Tim Lincecum
Decision time - Adrian Gonzalez, Dan Uggla, Jimmy Rollins, Nick Markakis, Roy Halladay
Dead? - Vlad Guerrero

Now we're talking. While the strength of the 2008 Macks was their pitching rotation, they have plenty of power at the dish to contend again regardless of how the draft falls. Teixeira comes to Denver with career-year potential at the not-as-deep-as-it-used-to-be 1B slot. Ramirez is the top SS on most draft boards and could always add OF eligibility at some point in the near future.

Joining them will most likely be another SS in Jimmy Rollins, giving Mile High flexibility up the middle. Rollins' potential probably lies somewhere in between his MVP season of 2 years ago and last year's up-and-down campaign. From there, JB can choose to sew up all 3 MI slots before the draft even starts by retaining Dan Uggla, the quietly productive fantasy 2B. I recently read on of those cherry-picker type stats where the list of all the second basemen in MLB history to score at least 104 runs, hit at least 24 home runs, and drive in at least 88.235 RBIs in each of his first three seasons looks like this:

1. Dan Uggla

All this in a division littered with crappy hitters parks. He's a darkhorse still, but don't be shocked. Other options include other underrated superstars Nick Markakis and Adrian Gonzalez, the batting film of whom JB undoubtedly watches as he falls asleep every night.

On the mound, I expect the insanely cool Lincecum to be the keeper choice here. Roy Halladay is a bygawdhoss, but Timmay's strikeout potential gives him the slight edge. He may, in fact, strike out 28 Diamondbacks in one game this year. 31 if Adam Dunn comes back.

And we haven't even discussed Guerrero, who's pretty much the team mascot at this point. His downward trend makes him expendable, even if you can still count on solid stats, as everyone in our league loves to draft for upside only. Suckers.

Potential Keeper Grade - B-plus

NEW HAVEN TRAFFIC CONES
Mos def - Kevin Youkilis, Carlos Pena, Carl Crawford, Brian McCann, Aramis Ramirez, Ichiro
Decision time - Wait, that list goes here
This would be way funner - Jonathan Papelbon. Just Jonathan Papelbon.

Did someone say rebuilding time? The list of potential keepers for Jeff's T-Cones reads like the list of players up for fan voting into the last roster spot of the All-Star team. They're good. Above average, even. But there's no fantasy stud to speak of. Scarily enough, Youkilis was the closest thing in '08, putting up Teixeria-like numbers (Random comparison there. No reason for it whatsoever. No sir.) and challenging for the top spot among 1Bs all season long. He's probably the safest bet. Pena and Crawford come next, as the Tampa Bay lineup will provide plenty of scoring opportunities. Yikes. Did that just happen?

The time of Ichiro has probably passed, as it's now clear that he cannot "hit a home run whenever he wanted to - he just doesn't want to". I mean, really. He should want to. WANT TOOOOO! Sorry. I'm thinking Brian McCann might make the squad. He'd be one of my picks and here would be my reasoning:

"Good, now I don't have to prerank catchers."

So yeah, throw these guys in a hat and pick 5 names. And if it comes out with 5 closers, well, that may not be the worst thing in the world. Jeff would only then have to draft 5 more before actually looking at a hitter or two.

Potential Keeper Grade - D-plus

SPEEDWAY STARWIPES
Mos def - I'm not telling you shit. I learned from the Patriots that secrecy is the first step to success.
Decision time - What did I just say?
OK, fine - Miguel Cabrera, Chase Utley, Evan Longoria, Ryan Braun, Johan Santana

Let's just not draft this year. Play with what you got.

Potential Keeper Grade (before Utley starts playing) - A
Potential Keeper Grade (when Utley returns) - Z-minus (on a looping alphabet curve)

WOOSTA PIMP ROOSTAS
Mos def - Albert Pujols, Jose Reyes, Alex Rodriguez,
Decision time - Manny Ramirez, David Ortiz, BJ Upton, Josh Hamilton
Show some sack! - Ryan Ludwick, Geovany Soto

Could it be? Only one first baseman on the Pimp Rooster keeper list? The decisions made here could impact the first round of the draft more than any other team, with KFS favorites Ramirez and Ortiz twisting in the wind. The prediciton here is that Manny stays, no matter what MLB team he ends up with. He will then grow a beard. On his foot or something. BECAUSE HE'S A CRAZY RETARDWHO CAN HIT!

The first-string Woosta infield is practically set, with Pujols, Reyes, and A-Rod back for their 58th consecutive tour of duty, and 2B BJ Upton another strong possibility. From there, it's a tough choice for Rich between the lovable teddy bear, the Large Father, the Dominican Daddy, the David Ortiz... and that guy who did drugs and did really well for half a season in an awesome hitters park. Not sure where I lean on this one.

But come on, Rice. Mix it up. You've got the next Mike Piazza behind the plate in Soto. You could keep him and not worry about when to draft Josh Bard. Or how about Ryan Ludwick? He gets every single point that Pujols gets. That's like Warner to Holt!

Ah screw it, you're going to luck into every right decision for the first 10 rounds of the draft anyway. Don't even keep anyone. That's your last KFS frontier, really. I mean Christ. DeAngelo Williams?

Potential Keeper Grade - B-plus

Don't Sweep

Would you believe that no Boston sports team has won a championship in nearly 8 months? Since the end of last October, the professional sports entries from Beantown are an embarrassing 0-3 in title opportunities. Of course, this includes the heartbreaking runner-up finish out of the boys from Gillette. Fuck you, Houston Dynamo.

But beyond all that, the last time New Englanders got to watch their team celebrate on home courtfieldicepitch? A little year I like to call "1986". As mind-numbingly awesome as 10/27/04 was, imagine the comebacker to Foulke happening at Fenway. So it is with that bit of selfishness that I say to the men in green:

Slow your roll. Yep, I'm hoping the Boston Celtics lose 2 of the next 3 games to the Los Angeles Lakers. This is today's Boston sports fan. Wha' happen?!?

The tricky part, of course, is figuring out which game I'd like to see them win to minimize any heart palpitations that may occur. A Game 3 win would virtually ensure banner seventeen, but I fear the Lakers would then fold their tents like Dan Aykroyd's family in The Great Outdoors. Waiting until Game 5 would give them momentum heading home, but I (meaning we (meaning the team I obviously belong to)) wouldn't want a 2-2 series.

So Game 4 it is. Take the loss tonight. Maybe waste a couple hard fouls on the Kobester and leave him bruised for Thursday. Hell, it shouldn't be too hard. I'm pretty sure Jerry West will be referring tonight's contest. Yeah, I'm totally comfortable with this plan. There will be no Celtic rooting in the Friedman household tonight. You hear me, kid?

In other news, it's been far too long since we've gotten together. The summer days have me nostalgic for post-long day at the west keene shopping center-hijinks. This is clearly mostly my fault, and I do apologize. But if you'd all like to dadnap me for a week of Wiffle, video games, ice cream sandwiches, Beastie Boys, and NAN MORE DIAPERS? T'would be appreciated.

Relatedly, Cameron is almost positively right-handed. There goes my retirement palace.

I Heart Silver Trophies

From ESPN's Fantasy Basketball coverage:

Roy was hurt at the end of the first quarter in Portland's win over Washington. The All-Star guard strained his right groin attempting to block Caron Butler's buzzer-beating attempt. He returned briefly in the second quarter, but he aggravated the injury and soon left for good. Afterward, Blazers coach Nate McMillan told The Oregonian: "That injury could be awhile." The paper pointed out that groin injuries can take a month to heal.

With that, set your coffee safely away from your keyboard, and let me say it: Roy's season might be over.

And thennnn???

As for Turkoglu, he fell on his right wrist during Orlando's loss to San Antonio. As with Roy, Turkoglu's injury occurred at the end of the first quarter, and, after trying to play with it, he left for good early in the second. Turkoglu, a fantasy gem uncovered at the tail end of many drafts this season, will have an MRI on Wednesday.

"I'm crossing my fingers," he told the Orlando Sentinel. "I just fell on it. I hope it's just a sprain. I hope it's not something like it was broken and keeps me away."

There's still a little snow on our lawn. The flowers haven't poked through the ground yet. And the only real baseball game was played in a Japanese egg. Fret not, though. Clearly, spring is here.

I Got a Fevah

Actually, I don't. No calling in sick today, folks. I'm legitimately home sans guilty conscience and plan to watch copious amounts of West Wing Season 5. Man, that John Goodman is a fat mess. Oh and also, the NCAA Division I Men's Basketball Tournament kicks off today. Between now and MLB Opening Day, late March fucking rules.

I think the last time I got to watch the afternoon tourney action without feigning illness was back in 7th grade, when renowned middle school health teacher Mr. Sweeney wheeled the ol' TV cart into that dungeon classroom and "made" us all watch. That's the kind of teacher I'd want to be. Except I wouldn't want to have to talk about genitalia on the side.

Anyway, it feels like we've been in a buzzer-beater drought for the last few years. We've had enough Cinderellas, I suppose, but I'd rather see all the favorites advance if it meant their games came down to the last shot. This especially holds true in the Denver region, where I expect an interpid blogger to be filing reports. Why Denver? Gus.

In fantasy news, some of the KFSers are back in the deep end of the tournament pool - I believe young Daniel took home the gold in '07. There appear to be a few pitfalls in this year's bracket - the Drake-Butler trap, the "pick-all-the-2-seeds" trap, and the dreaded "pick-American-or-you're not-patriotic" trap. Well I'm not falling for any of those, no sir. I'm sticking with the chalk. And Siena. And St. Mary's. And Washington State. But certainly not Vermont. They can't make free throws.

3 Hours With the Celtics, the Rockets, and a Baby on My Lap

What, you were expecting a play-on-words headline? Yeah, that particular gene has been temporarily disabled.

I'm gonna do something crazy here to mark the return of the wildly underrated KFS blog. I'm gonna watch a basketball game and comment on it in real time. To my knowledge, this has never been done on the internet. Thinking of calling it "Jogging Journal" or "Now to Now Blogging."


THE SETUP

For those of you reading this 5 years from now after clicking on "Archives", printing this out, and sitting on your toilets (which have a much higher flushing capacity and come with Cottonelle Wipes dispensers and a pop-up HDTV), here's a little background for tonight's action:

In a league that has been perennially criticized for featuring the most god-awful slow regular season in sports, the '07-'08 NBA campaign has seen more twists and turns than the Suzuki track on Pole Position (really, I'm doing this once per paragraph. Bite me). More importantly, the number of legitimately great players is at an all-time high and scoring and free-flowing play is on the way back. Now, add in the fact that the C's have a shot to bring glory back to one of the league's cornerstone franchises, and that the Rockets are currently riding a 22-game winning streak, and by golly, people are talking about an NBA game in March.

PREGAME

Well, I already royally f'ed this up, as the game isn't even on CSN (nee Fox Sports New England, nee SportsChannel, nee Prism). I was counting on half my material coming from Tommy Heinsohn. Instead, CSN is handling the pregame show only, before handing it off to TNT. Hopefully, this means some Sir Charles goodness will fill the void.

9:02 - From the studio, Tommy says that the Rockets have benefitted greatly from the resurgence of Dikembe Mutombo. Well, actually he said "Dicumby Matembo" the first 3 times before nailing it. Jameson Whiskey - it's what's for dinner.

9:11 - So, even though they aren't announcing the game, Mike Gorman, Donny Marshall, and Greg Dickerson are at the arena anyway doing some analysis. Of course, it wouldn't make any sense for them to be standing out on the court, so they happen to be back in the bowels of the stadium, standing under a stairwell or something. I'm pretty sure I just saw Mankind hit Golddust with a mophandle in the background.

9:27 - Tommy says goodbye by pretending to quickly scribble on the sheet of paper in front of him, newscaster-style. This guy actually did the play-by-play for road games back in the early 90s with only Bob Cousy to rein him in. This would have been when their away games were on Fox - "And now you've heard the word - FOX25 has got Bill, Bart, and Bird!" Memory is a weird mistress.

9:30 - Channel 764 brings us TNT in lovely high definition. Ernie, Chuck, and The Jet are in the studio.

9:35 - Ernie - "Charles, did you hear what Wolves GM Glen Taylor said about his team today?"
Charles - "We suck?"

9:40 - Kevin Harlan's doing the game! I either like this guy or hate him. Can't wait to remember which.

9:41 - Starting lineup graphics. If a production crew hands you a ball and tells you to ham around a little bit, how do you not palm the ball and hold it out in front of you? Even the Tim Duncan Robot does it.

THE GAME PROPER

9:42 - I love these green and gold uniforms. I do not love Tony Allen starting.

9:42:30 - Somebody stole the tap for Boston, so it's Rockets ball on the side. I'll take a poll when this is over to gauge public opinion, but I'm thinking I won't talk about every play. Pioneerin' ain't easy.

9:43 - Except now Rafer Alston and Rajon Rondo almost come to blows during the first stoppage. It would be so awesome if the two most clever PGs in the league got tossed and I spent the rest of the night sleeping through 178 iso sets.

9:47 - I noticed this during last night's game against the Spurs, too, but James Posey is so awesome on the bench. Every C's basket, he leaps out of his chair, sticks his chest out towards the crowd and nods his head. In a related story, Shane Battier just went through his jab series from the triple threat position.

9:51 - You're not going to believe this, but KG just grabbed two offensive boards and put one back, then ran up the court spewing about 43 varieties of the f-word to himself and anyone else within a 3-mile radius. But yeah, I totally miss Gerald Green.

9:55 - Should I be mentioning commercials?

9:59 - Boston officially means business - PJ Brown is getting 1st Q minutes. Unfortunately, he just got eaten alive by Dicumby, who gives the finger wag of doom and is still making his way upcourt as I type. See, this is exactly the kind of thing that sinks my NCAA brackets every year - now I'm thinking about how much I hate Georgetown and I'll have them going out in Round 2. If Battier plants a foot in Paul Pierce's nuts later, I won't know what to do.

10:07 - T-Mac gathers in a rebound, glides up the floor, effortlessly pulls up for what looks like an automatic three, and then, at that exact moment that awful Gwen Stefani song (nope, not that one. Nope. Ye...wait, no. There you go) gets pumped into the arena and McGrady bricks it. Just desserts, that.

10:09 - We made it to the end of the first quarter, people. This is going splendidly, I think. The inventor of the "live blog" would be proud. And I am. I have no idea what the score is, by the way.

10:13 - OK, now on the floor for the Rockets: Shane Battier, Luther Head, Bobby Jackson, Chuck Hayes, and something called a Mike Harris. Did I mention these guys haven't lost since the middle of January? And of course they're running the Celtics bench plus Pierce off the court right now. These are the times when, as a Celtics fan, you just have to remember that KG, Rondo, et al won't be resting for 20 minutes a game in the playoffs like they are now.

10:18 - Changing the channel for the first time - Syracuse barely beats Robert Morris in the first round of the NIT. Morris is now free to join the Rockets in time for the 4th quarter. Lurking on the other side of Syracuse's "region" is UMass. 1996 called. They want cell phone technology to hurry up and get here so that they can call from anywhere to say that those two teams were really good in 1996.

10:23 - One of Eddie House's tattoos says "E HOUSE", which is totally normal. But why is it written in Ye Olde English font? Is he Eddie House of the Kensington Houses?

10:30 - Mike Harris is apparently miked up for TNT, and they come back from break showing him fumbling the ball out of bounds and saying "my fault". Good to know that kind of thing isn't limited to midnight madness at the Y.

10:33 - If I told you one of the Rockets was hustling just a little too much, grabbing offensive rebounds, tripping over himself, and flopping on every drive, your first reaction should really be, "there's a white guy on the Rockets that comes from a country that loves soccer?" To make matters worse, I just remembered he's in my fantasy lineup this week and looks like the kind of player that the coaches specifically tell to not to shoot the ball under any circumstances. Maybe I won't score 1300 points for once.

10:42 - It's halftime, Cameron is sleeping soundly before 4AM for the first time in his life, and I've got the big couch all to myself. I think I better call this one early. Hey, not bad for our first time out. Baby steps, people.
Hey, there's my pun!

Denver Sports Failures = Video Game Fun

Part Deux:

SABR Haven - June

TEAM	AVG	OBP	SLG	OPS		ERA	WHIP	K/9
BAL	.275	.351	.463	.814		3.85	1.23	8.58
CHI	.269	.351	.452	.804		3.92	1.36	7.05
LAA	.291	.363	.484	.847		3.96	1.34	7.53
MAR	.271	.339	.435	.774		4.39	1.30	8.02
MHI	.281	.347	.455	.803		3.36	1.23	7.43
NHV	.286	.348	.446	.794		2.93	1.30	8.02
SPD	.288	.355	.473	.829		4.08	1.32	7.21
WOO	.280	.373	.487	.859		4.11	1.35	6.43

The Top Eight - League MVP Edition

8. HANLEY RAMIREZ, SS, MILE HIGH MACKEREL
He's just one half of the Mackerel's superstar shortstop tandem, but his future keeper potential and status as an ex-Rated Rookie for the Sawx boost Hanley Ramirez's value over that of teammate Jimmy Rollins. Not to mention his hot start, which helped propel Mile High to the top of the standings for most of the first third of the season.
Currently in a near dead-heat for 2nd place among shortstops, Hanley is one of only five middle infielders with over 4 points per game. His performance during the summer, fronting an inconsistent Marlins lineup, could be the key to a Macks resurgence, or the gateway to a blockbuster trade.

7. FRANCISCO CORDERO, CP, CHICAGO TIGER ARMY
Its not often that a closer enters the MVP conversation. Only Eric Gagne's 2003 campaign for New Haven and Guillermo Hernandez's 1984 season with the Marlow Cracker Kings come to mind. Enter Frankie Cordero. He leads the league in points per week out the pen with 28.5, and had a stretch in late April and early May when he was getting saves every other game.
Adler's Army can attribute at least 2 or 3 wins directly to Cordero's arm. Those 2 or 3 wins could turn into 5 or 6 when Adler acquires Jonathan Papelbon from Speedway sometime in July for Hunter Pence, the rights to Jacoby Ellsbury, and a book from his baseball reading shelf.

6. CHIPPER JONES, 3B, BALTIMORE DEVIL JAYS
After years at the top of draft boards, Jones has fallen in recent years - none more than in the '07 draft, when Baltimore picked him up in the 13th round. And he may still be under the radar, playing in his 57th year in Atlanta, but Chipper's rebirth as a fantasy stud has helped Jon Grashow's Jays claim the top spot in the standings through Week 8.
At nearly 4.5 PPG, Jones trails only A-Rod at the position and is currently the 4th best hitter overall. Baltimore continues to dominate on the mound, so any surprises at the plate always cause concern for the rest of the league. If Jones can stay healthy, he and Prince Fielder could challenge A-Rod and Ortiz for corner infield supremacy.

5. JAKE PEAVY, SP, SPEEDWAY STARWIPES
Sure, keeping Victor Martinez would have worked out pretty well so far for the 'Wipes. But dumping him in favor of Jake Peavy just prior to Draft Week '07 has turned out to be their biggest victory of the year. After years of benching any and every pitcher without a 2-start week, including perennial ace Roy Halladay, Ryan Friedman has finally found a hoss he can ride every week.
At 25 points per outing, Peavy leads all starters by nearly 3 full points, and is a near-lock to strikeout 8-12 batters per game, making even a non-win a chance for big points. His most valuable contribution however, might be weaning Speedway off of their 2-starter habit, which has netted them exactly 1 playoff appearance in the last 4 years.

4. JOSE REYES, SS, WOOSTA PIMP ROOSTAS
The first of two MVP candidates for the Roostas, Reyes is one of many Woosta hitters trying to make up for the disastrous start on the mound. In an emerging pack of young shortstops, Reyes has used his speed and a great lineup to lead the position by nearly a half point per game. In just two short years, Reyes has gone from young bust to surprise keeper to coveted superstar.
If the playoff streak of GM Rich Gallup is to be extended to 19 for 19, Reyes will need to have more performances like Weeks 1, 2 and 3, when he totalled 102 points in just 16 games.

3. ALEX RODRIGUEZ, 3B, WOOSTA PIMP ROOSTAS
He'd be higher if I thought anyone would vote for him. Lots of home runs early in the season. Kind of slowing down lately. Leads all infielders in points per game. Is a Yankee. Here's a picture - let's move on.

2. VLADIMIR GUERRERO, OF, MILE HIGH MACKEREL
As many of Mile High's old guard have slowed down, Guerrero is having one of his finest seasons to date. Currently sitting at 4.27 PPG, Vlad is second among all outfielders, and was the best hitter for the first place team for much of the early season.
What makes Guerrero even more valuable is how awful the rest of Bielecki's outfield has been. What looked like a juggernaut on paper with two Yankees and a Red Soxck has mostly flopped. Now Michael Cuddyer is Mile High's 2nd best outfielder, and Ken Griffey Jr is their hottest of late. Through it all, the long-time Mack Guerrero has been the consistent force.

1. MAGGLIO ORDONEZ, OF, SPEEDWAY STARWIPES
Drafted in the same round and Chone Figgins and Stephen Drew, and dumped in favor of Ryan Church during the first week of the season, the fantasy career of Magglio Ordonez appeared to be heading for what we like to call Town Bikeland. 8 weeks later, he's the hottest hitter in the league and the leading candidate for most valuable player.
After not even playing in the first three weeks, Ordonez is still 12th among all outfielders in total points, ahead of Manny Ramirez, Vernon Wells, Alfonso Soriano, AND Jack Cust. All this, thanks to a per-game average approaching 6.00 in the middle of a potent Tigers offense. Ordonez might have all the makings of a sell-high candidate but, for now, he's the leader of a surprisingly solid Starwipe lineup and the current frontrunner for MVP.

Saber Haven - April

TEAM	AVG	OBP	SLG	OPS		ERA	WHIP	K/9
BAL	.267	.354	.461	.815		4.07	1.33	8.23
CHI	.279	.380	.435	.815		3.83	1.28	7.26
LAA	.269	.347	.435	.782		3.51	1.32	7.22
MAR	.287	.354	.431	.785		5.19	1.39	8.46
MHI	.307	.377	.481	.858		3.41	1.21	5.61
NHV	.249	.325	.389	.714		2.43	1.05	7.70
SPD	.286	.368	.472	.841		3.46	1.30	7.81
WOO	.278	.362	.532	.894		4.70	1.53	6.26

Bob Uecker, please report to Minute Maid Park

From Yahoo:

Carlos Lee made good on a promise to his fans.

Lee, nicknamed "El Caballo" or "The Horse," received a stick horse from the fans who call themselves "Los Caballitos" before Tuesday's game and vowed he'd ride it if he hit a homer.

The home run to the Crawford Boxes in left field off Jorge Julio put Houston ahead 2-1 in the fourth. Lee trotted around the bases and then galloped through the dugout on the stick horse while receiving congratulatory pats from his teammates.

"I promised them that I would do it and I did it," he said with the furry horse peeking out of his locker over his right shoulder.

Gum Not Included

I'm still willing to make a t-shirt from scratch for this year's champion. But this is awfully tempting...

Where Are They Now?

Let me bring y’alls back to March 2001. Seriously, we were all still in college. I know because the crumpled up piece of paper in my closet says I graduated later that Spring. The number one song was “Angel” by Shaggy and the top draw at the box office was Exit Wounds. Who would have predicted that one little password was about to change our lives? Even more than Exit Wounds.

On an unseasonably warm March day*, somewhere between 4 and 8 fantasy sports pioneers gathered around their computers to embark on a journey that continues to this day. With a click of the mouse, Rich Gallup made Pedro Martinez the first official member of a KFS team. The first round continued with luminaries such as Jeff Bagwell, Kevin Brown, Sammy Sosa, and Darin Erstad being called to the stage as a PornBat, or a Numbnut, or a Bergie.

*may have been snowing several inches per hour

And while a few owners considered the draft over when the ghost of Mike Keyes drafted Richard Hidalgo in Round 7, the best was actually yet to come. Lance Berkman to Bookland in Round 13? Nope. Ichiro to VHQ in Round 19? Child’s play. Surely, I mean Mike Sirotka to T-Dub in Round 15. No, I’m talking about the tradition like none other – the final round funny pick. So let’s hop in the wayback machine and revisit Round 23, 6 years ago.

By the way, that initial league password? “jonrobbins”. Continue, if you can…

Pick 177 – VHQ StalkerDodgers – Travis “Gookie” Dawkins

2001: The homeless man’s Pokey Reese did not appear in one MLB game in 2001, choosing instead to bust out a year later with 5 hits in 48 ABs to the tune of a .389 OPS.

Where is Gookie now: After spending ’06 with the Pirates AAA affiliate in Indianapolis, where he played in 66 games and outhit Chris Truby, Gookie was one of 4 non-roster invitee infielders in Seattle Mariners camp in 2007. The other 3 (and I am not making this up) were Rey Ordonez, Matt Tuiasosopo, and Sean Burroughs. I can’t figure out if he’s been cut yet, but it appears he might begin the season with the big club. This once again proves my theory – making the Mariners squad is very difficult.

Pick 178 – EMF EscortWagons – Turk Wendell

2001: Turk went 4-5 with 1 save in 70 total appearances for the Mets and Phillies. His WHIP, and I know you were wondering, was 1.448.

Where is Turk now: OK, first of all, Turk Wendell went to Quinnipiac? How did I not know that. You guys knew that, right? Anyway, after he was told he wasn’t good enough to pitch in Colorado, Wendell somehow avoided killing himself before finally calling it quits in 2005. He is now most known for pointing at former teammates and saying “NANNY NANNY STEROID USER!” He also wears a Jeff Stanley t-shirt to all public appearances.

Pick 179 – T-Dub Firestones – Mitch Meluskey

2001: Yet another final-round selection who failed to show up in the box score in 2001, Meluskey clearly plateaued a year earlier by hitting 14 of his 15 career home runs and stealing 1 of his 2 career stolen bases

Where is Mitch now: The once-promising heir to the Randy Kutcher redneck name throne fizzled out after taking hitting lessons from Brad Ausmus for 3 seasons and punching out teammate Matt Mieske during a batting-cage fight. I’m totally remembering all this stuff off the top of my head…

Pick 180 – Rich’s Sales Clerks – DeWayne Wise

2001: Continuing our theme, Larry DeWayne Wise played nary a game in ’01. But forget that, why did we let Adler name his team “Rich’s”? That was totally confusing, especially since they both wore vests a lot at work.

Where is DeWayne now: When not being the annoying voiceover guy for CNN Headline Sports (no?), Wise can be found plying his trade as a member of the AAA Louisville Bats, where he shares a locker room with Dan Conway (not that Dan Conway), Rick Asadoorian (that Rick Asadoorian) and Mark Bellhorn (definitely that Mark Bellhorn)

Pick 181 – Bookland PornBats – Rocky Biddle

2001: Funny name, sure. But a serious game also. Biddle won a whopping 7 games for the White Sox in ’01, despite bowing to pressure and walking 3 batters intentionally. Pussy.

Where is Rocky now: Perhaps most well known for winning a Pitcher of the Week award in 2003, when he saved 34 games for Montreal and New Haven, Lee Francis “Rocky” Biddle suffered a torn labrum in 2005 and was released by the Washington Nationals. To answer the question, though, I have no idea.

Pick 182 – MSDW Numbnuts – Bengie Molina

2001: The slowest Molina (which is like the tallest Braden) hit 5 home runs and knocked in 40 for the Wherever Angels of Wherever. He was 0 for 1 on stolen base attempts, thus costing MSDW GM Jon Watterson a crucial point in, lets say Week 9.

Where is Bengie now: A tradition within a tradition began with this pick, as Watterson tried to pick actual MLB contributors in the final round while the rest of us frantically scrolled for hyphens and z’s in names. 84 career home runs and 2 gold gloves qualifies as contributing I suppose, so Molina fits the bill. In 2007, Bengie will try and replace SF icon Mike Matheny behind the plate. He has recently been spotted lapping Barry Bonds in windsprints around the diamond.

Pick 183 – Baybutt Pirates – Vinny Castilla

2001: After getting over the irony of a Mexican being drafted by a guy who went to college in the middle of the woods in Virginia, Castilla easily trounced his final round brethren in performance, hitting 25 bombs in Tampa and Houston

Where is Vinny now: Short story? He’s retired. Long story? His last professional baseball appearance came as a member of the 2007 Mexican entry into the Caribbean Series. His team finished last in the tournament, despite being led in home runs by Alfredo Amezaga (1).

Pick 184 – Bergiez – Bobby Bonilla

2001: When is a non-humor pick the best humor pick ever? When it’s our very first Mr. Irrelevant and his name is Bobby freaking Bonilla, that’s when. Bobby batted .213 in 93 games with the Cardinals in ’01, and pretty much faded into Bolivia shortly thereafter.

Where is Bobby now: I was afraid to look, but fear not - Bobby is somehow a functioning member of society, currently holding it down as an MLB union rep. He also sits grudgingly in a tie for 124^th on the all-time home run list, his dogged pursuit of Kent Hrbek having apparently stalled just six measly dingers short.

So there you have it. Who will be added to this pantheon this weekend? Tune in at 8:45 ET this Saturday to find out. Actually, tune in and then go away for about an hour while actual rosters are boringly constructed out of middle-of-the-road Brewers pitchers. THEN tune back in towards the end.

Saber Haven

I was looking at the NECBL2 full standings yesterday and couldn't figure out how I'm in the overall lead. So, like any normal person would do, I calculated some stats:

TEAM	AVG	OBP	SLG	OPS		ERA	WHIP	K/9
BAL	0.286	0.356	0.489	0.845		3.68	1.26	6.86
CRV	0.284	0.369	0.516	0.885		4.25	1.31	6.24
CHI	0.276	0.358	0.469	0.827		3.60	1.17	8.64
MAR	0.289	0.381	0.478	0.859		4.01	1.28	7.19
MHI	0.286	0.368	0.475	0.843		3.76	1.22	7.16
NHV	0.269	0.334	0.433	0.767		4.68	1.36	7.77
SPD	0.276	0.345	0.478	0.823		3.90	1.21	6.72
WOO	0.286	0.359	0.496	0.855		4.10	1.35	7.13

So yeah, just like I thought...It's all Papelbon.

"...I don't know if we'll have enough time!"

50 free points to the first owner to rename their baseball team the Tewksbury Ganjabricks...

Tossin' Softballs K-5

Not much going on in KFS-world as of late:

• The ABA2K season has wrapped up and awards aren't due to be handed out until the Commissioner stops weeping himself to sleep.
• NECBL2 (damn we need a new name) hasn't quite hit full stride yet and seems to be inching perilously close to a season where every team finishes .500
• Nobody can start planning their ALF draft strategy until next week, when all the Trojans and Hurricanes have been assigned to their respective awful pro teams.

So in the interim, here is the long-ago promised gold mine of youth sports information I happened upon during one of recent stays at the old Court St homestead. Strap yourselves in for this trip down awkward memory lane...

On Sunday 6/5/88, the eyes of the Elm City - nay, all of greater Cheshire County - were focused on the hallowed and dew-soaked grounds of Alumni Field. There, girls and boys from Alstead to Zwanzey battled each other for bragging rights and the coveted Blue Ribbon of Participation and Fun. Here then, are selected results from the 1988 Junior Olympics:

THIRD GRADE
Boys Long Jump
1. Nick Goulas, Chesterfield
2. Jason Chamberlain, Symonds
3. Mike Eyman, Fuller
(NOTES: Goulas!...Not a good day for Symonds, as you'll see...same for Wheelock - nice job East and West Keene!...Jason Chamberlain was already 6'8" 125 lb)
(PREDICTION: Watts will crack up at the name Mike Eyman)

GIRLS LONG JUMP
1. Emily Dobson, Franklin
2. Celena Chickering, Chesterfield
3. Stefanie Rosinski, Daniels
(NOTES: Dobson prevents the Chesterfield sweep, but would later become sister-in-law to the boys winner. How fucking weird...Celena got so pissed, she kicked everyone's ass for the next 10 years...StefRo just took a normal step and finished 3rd)
(PREDICTION: Celena Chickering will not marry Jason Chamberlain)

BOYS 40-YARD DASH
1. Nick Benjamin, Chesterfield
2. Craig Blanchard, Franklin
3. Marco Salce, Fuller
(NOTES: What is in the Connecticut River water in Chesterfield? Must be all the amphetamines Westmoreland dumps in it...Blanchard still holds the record for fasted time while baked...Marco went on to way easier athletic endeavors, such as catching and wrestling)
(PREDICTION: None of these guys can run 40 yards anymore)

GIRLS 40-YARD DASH
1. Julie Nowak, Daniels
2. Nicole Castor, Wheelock
3. Karilyn Saunders, Franklin
(NOTES: Quite the diverse group here, huh?)
(PREDICTION: Karilyn keeps her bronze medal right next to her Dartmouth diploma)

BOYS 440-YD RUN
1. Mike Cody, Chesterfield
2. Dan Moylin (sic), Symonds
3. Tom Askey, Fuller
(NOTES: Who are 2 people who have never been in my kitchen, and one who has been in my kitchen with the word "Tombo" shaved in the back of his head. Good times. Did they spell Danny Sprinter's name wrong or was this some prototype version of the Moylan we grew to know later?)
(PREDICTION: Tom Askey will never catch for Rick Ankiel)

GIRLS 440-YD RUN
1. Erin Aeschilman, St Joe's
2. Kim Fuller, Chesterfield
3. Chloe Wampler, Fuller
(NOTES: That's all 3rd place finishes for the mighty Fuller School Panthers so far. Is there anyone out there who can close the deal?...Hell, a Fuller took 2nd, and she's from Chesterfield...Whatever happened to that Aeschilman girl, anyway?)
(PREDICTION: So many Chloe Wampler running jokes, so little blog)

GIRLS SOFTBALL TOSS
1. Mary Tolman, St Joe's
2. Beth Hammond, Fuller
3. Julie Johnson, Wheelock
(NOTES: Zzzzzzzzzz)
(PREDICTION: Beth Hammond's granddaughter will medal in this event next year)

AND THE MAIN EVENT:
BOYS SOFTBALL TOSS
1. Ryan Friedman, Fuller
2. Jason Thomas, Chesterfield
3. Rejean Guerriero, St Joe's
(NOTES: TAKE THAT, STINKTOWN!..What a murderers row of accuracy experts. Right?)
(PREDICTION: I will never touch a softball again)

By the way, the FOURTH GRADE boys softball throw podium?
1.Matt Lamoreaux
2.Matt Clark
3.Josh Carbone

Eek.

That's enough for now. Sorry I don't have the Class of '98 covered here for the tall kid sector of KFS. Coming soon...Stats from the 1988 and 1989 Junior League Orioles, and the complete schedule for Rec League Basketball.

Street Clothes

Quiz time, kids. Team X is coming off two straight runner-up finishes in ABA2K. Team X got burned last year by not having Shaquille O'Neal around playoff time. Team X decides to trade Shaq. So I ask you, what happens next?

A) Team X finally wins their championship, thanks to great health and the dominating performance of Andres Nocioni
B) Team X finishes 5th as Shaq leads new squad to 105-0 record
C) Team X's other 2 remaining keepers get hurt, they finish 2nd again, and Aubrey Huff trips on a frigging bullpen mound and lands on the DL.

Make some room on the bench, Chris. Here comes King James (and Al Harrington). And make some room on the Yahoo!Mantle! while you're at it. Daddy's bringing home another silver trophy.

If LeBron comes back, please disregard this post. Except for the Aubrey Huff part. He's a loser.