Monday, May 11, 2009

Mile High Minute :: ECB 2009, Week 5


In what is sure to be one of the closest finishes of the entire season, the Mile High Mackerel extended their winning streak to four weeks in a row with a 2/3-point victory over league-leading Speedway.

In the last inning of the week, Mack closer and world-class douchebag Jonathan Papelbon tallied 14 last-second points in nail-biting fashion, having what would have been the series-clinching point on third base with no one out. He promptly struck out Carlos Pena, B.J. Upton, and Carl Crawford and danced his way to his home in Gayville.

“ZOMG! IM 2 AWESOME!” Papelbon said to the media, wearing his trademark dumbass goggles, bike shorts, and t-shirt reading “ZOMG! IM 2 AWESOME!"

“I didn’t even watch the game,” said GM Jon Bielecki, “I was playing Elder Scrolls IV on XBox, assuming that I had no chance of winning the series. You can imagine my surprise when I came in on Monday and checked the scores. It was like a 6-out-of-10 on the surprise scale.”

Mile High takes on LA of Anaheim this week, who put up an impressive (albeit not enough to win) 487 points versus Chicago in Week 5.

“I feel pretty confident we can keep rolling,” Bielecki said, “We went with a bit of a strange lineup this week, sitting McLouth, J-Roll, and Paps, but we’re still tinkering around from week to week.” Bielecki also noted that Armando Galarraga and A.J. Burnett were essentially competing for a roster spot this week. If Burnett is cut, he has vowed to be picked up by Marshall Street and to go on to have a 700 point season.

Monday, May 4, 2009

Mile High Minute :: ECB 2009, Week 4


Four weeks into the season and it seems the Mile High Mackerel have finally left their Week 1 travesty in the distance. Earning TOTW honors and a 6-3 victory over rival Marshall Street Menace, the Mack extended their win streak to three weeks and are currently tied for second place with Chicago in the standings. The Mack are in control of their own destiny this week as they take on first-place Speedway, the current ECB points leader.

“We’re going to need a big week from our pitching staff this week,” said GM Jon Bielecki, referring to the fact that Speedway has 4 two-start pitchers going in Week 5. Mile High will counter with three two-starters of their own, including staff ace Tim Lincecum who has seemingly found his mojo after a few shaky outings to start the season.

“I throw fast! PEEW PEEW!” said Lincecum in his weekly press conference. Bielecki will also be looking for “peew-peew” type performances from Kevin Millwood and Chris Volstad, both of whom are making their 2009 debuts for the Mackerel in Week 5.

Offensively, the Mack said goodbye to Kelly Johnson after Week 4 due to declining performance and lack of games played. In his place, Jimmy Rollins will be making his return to an offense that lost several games last week due to injury (Hanley Ramirez, Nate McLouth) and rainouts (5 hitters rained out on Sunday). Nevertheless, the Mackerel put up 420 points as a team, which is encouraging considering much of the team has yet to hit its stride.

“This week will be a measuring rod for us,” said Bielecki, “both squads have lots of pitching and a full schedule for the hitters, so it should be fun to watch these scores accumulate.”