Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Gentlemen! You can’t draft in here, this is the War Room!

Well, now that all the draft slots have been chosen and all of the keepers have been announced (Right? No one still has to announce their keepers?) it is time for a mock draft.

We kid, Watts. For the sake of this mock we are going to assume that Watts is keeping some combo of Mariano Rivera, Carlos Lee, Andre Either, Dusty Pedroia, Ian Kinsler, CC Sabathia, or Kendry Morales. The good news? Whatever combo he goes with has n'an impact on this mock. So Frieds may as well enter these picks after the keepers:

Justin Upton

The old jokes about closers and old people have no place in this mock draft. At least that's what we wanted to do. Turned out it's impossible. We think Ffej looks for a proven player to help lift his Cones to playoff contention. That player is Justin Upton. Grashow’s last minute keeper change-of-heart reinvents the Cones as they land the kid who many say is the next Griffey (Ken Jr. not Craig).

sandoval-pablo WOOSTA PIMP ROOSTAS
Pablo Sandoval

Woosta is looking to right the ship that was partly weighed down by Josh Hamilton and his injuries. Rich has an enviable stable of keepers who are surprisingly all hitters. One is even a catcher! Given that we don't all have 15 keepers, we don't see Rich taking a pitcher here. In fact we believe there was more to his trip to San Francisco than just work. It's obvious he was out there asking about his pick, everyone's favorite panda, Pablo Sandoval. This was clearly the missing piece between winning the regular season in '08 and missing the playoffs in '09. Rich reclaims him here. Also we take back what we said about the ship being weighed down. Panda’s not going to help that problem.

carpenter-chris  MILE HIGH MACKEREL
Chris Carpenter

Mile High has forged its way to the playoffs lately with good all-around hitting, but also with strong starting pitching duos (Lincecum-Lee in '09, Lincecum-Halladay in '08, and Haren-Hamels in '07). The bet here is that JB starts that process again by pairing an ace, Tim Lincecum, with a local boy done good. Chris Carpenter goes off the board here and gives Mile High the wicked awesome 1-2 punch that they have built their rotation around as of late and become the envy of every Major League club.

Joey Votto

The Tiger Army has been built around bats. In fact this is the first time they have kept even one, let alone two, pitchers since 2006. To make up for that they will be looking for the best bat available, and if his wife has anything to say about it (and she does), that bat will be Joey Votto. It would appear there is more to enjoy in Cincy than chili (if you want to call it that), Bengals games, and trips to see the in-laws... Actually there isn’t, but Emily needs another carrot to put in front of Adler’s face to get him to Cincinnati.

Dan Haren

GM Friedman returns arguably the best collection of keepers. The hitters can flat out rake and matched with an NL bound Roy Halladay, the Wipes are returning a scary core of players. This pick was a lock to end up as Felix Hernandez until Baltimore announced him as their final keeper. It could still end up being the man who inspired but the bet here is that Speedway goes with a familiar face in Dan Haren, enjoys the first half and curses him whole second half.

Jason Bay

We now turn to the defending champions. The Devil Jays are known for one thing: Adam Dunn. As of right now they do not have him on their roster. The belief here is that they will re-stock their bats (after making a change that delayed the release of this mock draft) given they already have a King as the foundation of their staff. The best bat on the board looks to be Jason Bay who will be shifting back to the NL and looking to drive in Jose Reyes & Co. (not Corey Sullivan & Co.) about a billion times.

Jacoby Ellsbury

GM Jon "Silent Bob" Watterson is playing his cards very close to the vest this year and hasn't tipped his hand at all... refusing to even have his preliminary keepers announced. Yeah, he’s not paying attention. Also he LOVES Barack Obama. Voted for him 57 times.  The thought here is that he plays that he refuses to even tell Yahoo! who he picks when it comes his turn in the draft. Therefore the person left at the top of the rankings that will be drafted by Marshall St will be Tacoby Bellsbury ( or as he is more commonly known Jacoby Ellsbury.

rollins-jimmyNEW HAMPSHIRE 603
Jimmy Rollins

After going through a season of football Brian gets to experience the flagship sport (in our opinion) of KFS. It would appear that he is trying to get a couple of solid players after not seeing anyone he was dying to get his hands on by potentially having the number one pick. Having no draft history to go off the thought here is that he goes with a known quantity at a position that he lacks and grabs Jimmy Rollins and then ponders who he will grab on the wrap pick.

There it is, owners the picks you are all guaranteed to make. Good luck getting your name in the cup.

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