You Can't Make Up Names Like This

This little blurb and accompanying photo come to us from Monday's Keene Sentinel - your one-stop shop for over-the-top Blackbird pride, recognizable names in the police report, and the latest in any and all news related to Chinese modes of transportation.

"And I reeead"...

Rich Rice, of Keene, riding in back, gets peddled around town by his son Justin on Saturday as Rich tries out the homemade "rickshaw" he bought from a friend. He hopes to offer rides to pedestrians along Keene's bike path starting soon he said. He won't charge in the beginning but sees it as a potential source of income if there is interest.

Rich Rice? Driving a Rick-shaw? Come on now.

A. That looks like Chabot circa 1999.
B. Rich Rice plays on the wing for the NHL '95 Bruins, or enters battle royales in WCW-NWO Revenge. He does not pull probable Athens Pizza employees around the Elm City in a damn carriage.
C. What the fuck do I have to do to win a fantasy basketball title?

Wait, what were we talking about?