Sunday, March 22, 2009

Round 1 Goes a Little Something Like This

1st round mock draft, courtesy of Baltimore CEO/Director of Player Personnel Jon Grashow.

  1. Anaheim: Man-Ram
And with the 1st pick of the 2009 Elm City Baseball Draft presented in stunning 1080P by the LA of Anaheim Squatters select – Manny Ramirez. Every year Bob’s lineup hits the cover off the ball, leaving the rest of us scratching our heads as we barely squeak out a victory even though none of his pitchers have two starts and 3 of his active players are on the DL. Manny fits this bill to a T, and he even plays in LA. Consider this one a done deal.
  1. New Haven: Vlad Guerrero
“Well, he’s old enough…” will be the last words uttered in the New Haven war room prior to the selection of Guerrero with the 2nd pick. New Haven keepers McCann, Youkilis, and Crawford are all bringing the average age of the T-Cones down to dangerously low levels. Vlad is the pick that will bring this once proud franchise back to its respectable “veteran” status.
  1. Speedway: BJ Upton
“Well, he’s young enough…” will be the last words uttered in the Speedway war room prior to the selection of the elder Upton brother with the 3rd pick. Speedway has the infield positions pretty well covered, so they will probably look to fill in one of the holes in the OF with their first pick. Plus Ryan has already thrown Upton’s name around the message boards. Anyone who can read between the lines can see he has feelings for the shortstop turned third baseman turned second baseman turned outfielder.
  1. Chicago: Cole Hamels
Chicago didn’t keep any pitchers, and Cole Hamels is a flame thrower. He’s young, he’s got the WOW factor that Adler can’t get enough of, and he’s not on the Yankees – sounds like a match to me. Now that it has been revealed that his elbow is structurally sound, look for Private Hamels to report to the Tiger Army for duty in the first round.
  1. Marshall St.: Bob Abreu
With rumors circulating that Manager Watterson may not be able to attend the draft in person this year, I was tempted to write the name of a catcher in this slot. But I KNOW that he won’t make the mistake of pre-ranking players alphabetically by position again, so instead I just chose the available player that I like the least. That’s usually a good bet for Marshall St.
  1. Woosta: K-Rod
Did anyone realize that Francisco Rodriguez scored 792 points last year? That’s just disgusting. Woosta will probably pick him up again and ride him to the championship. He’ll probably score even more this year playing for the M-E-T-S.
  1. Mile High: A-Gon
Over the past few years Mile High has had some of the most impressive drafts of any team, building their impressive stable of keepers and making them a competitive force each year. They have an opening at the corner infielder position and Adrian Gonzalez is just the kind of high-scoring, high-upside, sensible pick that JB likes to make.
  1. Baltimore: Dice-K
With no pitchers counted among their keepers, Baltimore will almost certainly try to rectify the situation in the first round. Matsuzaka has gotten better each year, and has a great bullpen behind him this year. Any pitcher who can shut down the Cuban WBC team should make short work of an Elm City Baseball squad. I actually have no intention of drafting Dice-K in the first round, but its sort of a convincing argument, right?

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