2006 Bizarro Baseball Draft – Mock 1st Round

1. Chicago: Barry Bonds – Bizarro Adler can’t help but jump when presented with the opportunity to draft this steroid infused baseball demolition machine. This slugger has no keeper potential and does not play left field for the Red Sox. Alternate: Jorge Posada.
2. Speedway: Pedro Martinez – In true bizarro fashion, Speedway drafts Pedro Martinez; electing to make this the year that they don’t throw their best player from the previous year over to the Woosta squad. Alternates: A-rod, David Ortiz.
3. New Haven: Roy Oswalt – In order to gear up for their usual two-start pitcher approach, New Haven starts off their draft with Pedro Martinez light. Alternate: Dontrelle Willis.
4. Chavez Ravine: Hideki Matsui – Bizarro Chavez is all about the reliable veterans, and for them it doesn’t get any better than this war tested Native American chief / Japanese Yakyu MVP. Alternate: Jim Edmonds.
5. Marshall St.: Jhonny Peralta – Marshall St. goes out on a limb and drafts this generally likeable human spelling error to fill their MI position. With only one season under his belt and his non-pitcher status, he’s just what the doctor ordered. How Bizarre. Alternate: Climt Barnes.
6. Baltimore: Ichiro Suzuki – Bizarro Baltimore knows to steer clear of the trash left over from last year’s MHI squad. This year they get the party started with the master of batting average and steals (they are, after all, the 2 most important categories in BNECBL2). Alternate: Juan Pierre (the NL version of Ichiro).
7. Mile High: Eric Chavez – Look up the definition of bizarro in the dictionary and it says: “ bizzaro (b -zär o) adj: Eric Chavez not on Woosta. (Syn: Speedway making good trades, NECBL2 draft going smoothly) (Ant: normal, regular)." Alternate: None.
8. Woosta: Jeff Bagwell – Cementing their position on the bottom of the NECBL2 ladder, Woosta drafts this 1B who can’t throw overhand. Their reasoning? Bizzaro Rich’s Rawlings baseball glove from little league (the last time Rich actually payed attention to MLB) was the Jeff Bagwell model. Alternate: Jon Dowd.