Keene Fantasy Sports

Mile High Minute :: 2011, Week 8

2011-05-23T14:16:00.001-05:00

Sometimes you have good weeks, and sometimes you have weeks where your team gets outscored by the other team’s offense alone. Baltimore pummeled the Mackerel in Week 8, mustering only 290 points to the Devil Jays’ 465.

“Ugh,” Mackerel GM Jon Bielecki said, “what a frickin’ terrible week. Pretty much everyone was awful. A few guys had average weeks, but most of the team was awful. There’s no other word for it.”

Baltimore swept the weekly league honors, with team of the week, hitter of the week (Asdrubal Cabrera, 41), and pitcher of the week (Michael Pineda, 61). “We just got overpowered,” Bielecki said, “For my part, I need to re-consider the lineup completely. It’s time to stop considering what a guy might or could do and focus more on guys who are actually producing. Week 8 was an example of what happens when the entire team struggles at the same time. Awful.”

Tim Lincecum had the lone bright spot of the week for Mile High, pitching a shutout on Saturday night. “There’s not a whole lot I can take away from this week, other than the hope that it’s not a trend.”

Mile High plays crosstown rivals the Colorado 470s in Week 9 in Leg 2 of the battle for the Shield Of Gratitude. Colorado won the first meeting 248-222.

Mile High Minute :: 2011, Week 7

2011-05-16T13:26:00.001-05:00

Mile High completed its second two week winning streak by knocking off a streaking Marshall Street squad which had won four of its previous five matchups. Led by the return of Victor Martinez (42 points), the Mackerel posted their second highest offensive total of the season (241). Eight hitters posted 15 points or more, and only one scored less than 10.

“It was a nice change from last week,” Bielecki said, going over the numbers, “we had four guys score less than 10 and only 5 over 15.”

The pitching roster delivered an average-if-medicore performance considering they had 10 starts for the week. The Mack staff avereaged only 13.1 points per start, getting only 17 points from Tim Hudson over two starts, and 23.5 from young Rockie Jhoulys Chacin.

“They got the job done, but obviously we were hoping for more,” Bielecki said, “Frankly, we got lucky that Marshall Street had a bad week. We lost Lincecum’s second start due to rain, but since we got the win anyway, it actually works out well that we’ll get him twice against Baltimore.”

Mile High will take on Baltimore in Week 8. The teams squared off in Week 2 with Mile High winning 412-301.

Mile High Minute :: 2011, Week 6

2011-05-10T18:23:00.001-05:00

After a two week skid, the Mile High Mackerel snapped their late-April losing streak by topping the Speedway Starwipes 345-296 in Week 6 of the ECB. Despite a few struggling hitters, the Mack were lucky enough to matchup against Ryan Friedman’s Speedway Starwipes, who were going through some struggles of their own.

“It’s been a bit of a strange season so far,” Bielecki said, “It feels like a lot of GMs are not really sure what they got from the draft. Myself included, some weeks.” Despite that, the Mackerel lineup has remained relatively consistent considering they currently have three players on the disabled list.

Gaby Sanchez, who was acquired a few weeks ago to fill one of those spots, led the offense in Week 6 putting up 42 points. Craig Kimbrel led the well-balanced pitching attack with 33 points. Mile High takes on Marshall Street in Week 7.

Mile High Minute :: 2011, Week 4

2011-04-25T16:32:00.001-05:00

Another year has begun and Mile High has still not figured out how to beat Chicago. The Tiger Army, aside from being the rivals of the Mackerel, are the only squad against which GM Jon Bielecki’s team has a losing record in the history of ECB. That trend continued in Week 4 with a 445-415 loss to Steve Adler’s Tiger Army.

“We put up 415,” Bielecki said in his Monday morning presser, “We do that every week, and we’ll be okay. We just can’t get past Adler for some reason.”

Bielecki hung the loss on sluggers Victor Martinez and Logan Morrison going on the DL before Wednesday’s games started. The Mackerel got only two points combined from them.

“Would that have made the difference? I don’t know. Even with Jhouls’ 5 points, we still had almost 200 points from pitching. We’ve got to point the finger at the offense this week.”

Andre Ethier led the way for the offense, putting up a steady 34 points while David Price won both of his starts for an output of 54 points for the week. Even after the loss, Mile High is still ahead of Chiaco, sitting in 4th place after four weeks. The Mack will take on New Haven (11-25) in Week 5.

Mile High Minute :: 2011, Week 3

2011-04-18T12:40:00.001-05:00

Mile High continued their solid early season play and started its first winning streak of the young season by dispatching New Haven to the tune of 406-355.

Troy Tulowitzki took home HOTW honors with 50 points, joining Mark Teixeira as the second Mackerel to take home the honor in the season’s first three weeks. Mile High had 7 hitters score 22 points or more, putting up a season-high 263 points of offense. Jered Weaver continued to not lose, racking up his fourth win in as many starts.

“So far, so good,” GM Jon Bielecki said, “Everything’s clicking right now. We’ve got a couple of concerns, but the rest of the squad is really firing right now.”

“Weaver has been unreal,” he said, “but the biggest thing last week was getting solid starts from Lester, Price, and Cahill. If we can get our pitching together, we’ll be really tough to beat.”

Mile High takes on rivals Chicago Tiger Army in Week 4 of ECB.

Adlerithmetic :: All-Time Single Season Teams : Marshall Street

2011-04-12T11:45:00.001-05:00

By Steve Adler

As baseball season approaches I thought it may be informative to look at the best single season performances at each position for each of our eight franchises.

Methodology: I decided to use total point for the FANTASY FRANCHISE. The players may have put up more points during our playoffs, but not for this purpose. I also opted not to use points per game as I didn't think it would truly provide the best representation of each team. I decided to allow players to have multiple years for a team, mainly because I want to see if anyone besides A-Rod and Pujols ends up on Woosta’s roster. I used the positions as they would occur in ECB, not the way the MLB organization does it. The rosters were compiled using the stats from the almanac. Unfortunately these stats only went back to 2005 so the years 2001-2004 will not be reflected. Anyway, I hope you enjoy it.

MARSHALL STREET MENACE
POS	NAME	YEAR	POINTS
C	Joe Mauer	2006	428
1B	Jason Giambi	2006	500
2B	Ian Kinsler	2008	510
3B	Troy Glaus	2006	478
SS	Derek Jeter	2006	509
CI	Troy Glaus	2005	430
MI	Robinson Cano	2010	501
OF	Carlos Lee	2007	516
OF	Andre Ethier	2009	507
OF	Ichiro Suzuki	2005	456
OF	Carlos Lee	2008	438
UTIL	Dustin Pedroia	2008	453
UTIL	Derek Jeter	2005	453
P	J. Broxton	2009	541.17
P	CC Sabathia	2008	534.84
P	Rafael Soriano	2010	532.17
P	CC Sabathia	2007	506.5
P	Roger Clemens	2005	508.16
P	Mariano Rivera	--	490.36

What I Learned:

Marshall St? In case you haven't noticed I've been going in the order of most playoff appearances. I didn't expect Marshall St to be ahead of Speedway. And they're not. It's a tie, but such is the magic of the almanac.
Yankees. Watts has taken advantage of the Yankee hatred in this league and benefited from great seasons from a variety of Yankees like Jeter, Rivera, Cano, Giambi, Sabathia, and maybe Clemens (can't remember which mercenary year that was).
SWA. BAT. Andre Ethier is the first Keene Swamp Bat to make our list (fittingly for a former GM who was also a SwaBat), but definitely not the last. Well, maybe he is for this go around, but hope to see some more when I update this list in a few years. Long live the Swamp Bats!

Mile High Minute :: 2011, Week 2

2011-04-11T13:32:00.001-05:00

Led by Pitcher Of The Week Jered Weaver’s 60.7 points, the Mile High Mackerel rebounded from a Week 1 loss to Colorado by picking up 7 wins against the struggling Baltimore Devil Jays. Weaver and Troy Tulowitzki (34 points) accounted for almost a quarter of the Mackerel’s league leading 412.5 points and vaulted the Mack to first place atop the ECB standings.

Pitching was the key to victory for the Mack, who got a total of 183.5 points from their six pitchers. “It could have been more than that if it weren’t for the Red Sox being so friggin’ terrible,” skipper Jon Bielecki said, “but overall, I was very happy with the pitching staff we went with last week.”

The Mile High offense contributed a stellar 229 points, which is somewhat impressive considering they got their first double of the season on Wednesday. “It was a team effort on that side of the ball,” Bielecki said, “No one person carried the team. That being said, we’re still looking for more from Uggla and (Austin) Jackson.”

Mile High takes on New Haven in Week 3 without the services of Ryan Zimmerman. “We should be okay,” Bielecki said, “but we’re really going to need Buster and Vladdy to pick up the slack this week.”

Adlerithmetic :: All-Time Single Season Teams : Baltimore

2011-04-07T16:33:00.001-05:00

By Steve Adler

As baseball season approaches I thought it may be informative to look at the best single season performances at each position for each of our eight franchises.

BALTIMORE DEVIL JAYS
POS	NAME	YEAR	POINTS
C	Joe Mauer	2009	454
1B	Prince Fielder	2009	570
2B	Dan Uggla	2010	482
3B	Michael Young	2009	443
SS	Michael Young	2005	484
CI	Prince Fielder	2007	543
MI	Michael Young	2006	474
OF	Grady Sizemore	2008	553
OF	Grady Sizemore	2006	538
OF	Grady Sizemore	2007	524
OF	Adam Dunn	2007	522
UTIL	Adam Dunn	2009	516
UTIL	Adam Dunn	2006	510
P	Chris Carpenter	2005	551.66
P	Johan Santana	2007	508.5
P	Felix Hernandez	2010	505.66
P	F. Rodriguez	2007	493.84
P	Chris Carpenter	2006	448.67
P	Brad Lidge	2008	416.84

What I Learned:

Dunn and Dunn. What were the rest of us thinking? Every year Grashow throws Dunn back in the redraft pool, and every year we all pass on him, looking for sexier picks. Until Watts took him this year. Well played Watterson.
A Man Named Grady. Almost forgot how great that guy was. Pretty incredible to see the production that Baltimore received from Grady and Dunn. Too bad for Cleveland, Baltimore, and baseball fans in general that he has been beset by injuries the last couple years.
Obvious. This team more than any that I have done so far I felt like I would have been able to fill in without even looking at the almanac, even more than Woosta. Michael Young falls in the same group as Dunn who Baltimore has redrafted frequently. Carpenter was a mainstay for many years and the new Baltimore generation of King Felix, Prince, and Joe Mauer have started to leave their mark.

Adlerithmetic :: All-Time Single Season Teams : Mile High

2011-04-06T13:44:00.001-05:00

By Steve Adler

As baseball season approaches I thought it may be informative to look at the best single season performances at each position for each of our eight franchises.

MILE HIGH MACKEREL
POS	NAME	YEAR	POINTS
C	R. Hernandez	2005	182
1B	Derrek Lee	2005	602
2B	Robinson Cano	2009	453
3B	R. Zimmerman	2009	497
SS	Jimmy Rollins	2007	565
CI	Mark Teixeira	2009	526
MI	Hanley Ramirez	2007	553
OF	V. Guerrero	2007	519
OF	Bobby Abreu	2005	518
OF	Nick Markakis	2008	516
OF	V. Guerrero	2006	512
UTIL	Hanley Ramirez	2008	535
UTIL	Hanley Ramirez	2009	526
P	Roy Halladay	2008	628.99
P	Tim Lincecum	2009	609.17
P	Bobby Jenks	2007	499.83
P	Tim Lincecum	2008	479.67
P	Mariano Rivera	2006	457.83
P	Mariano Rivera	2008	443.34

What I Learned:

There Is More Than One Way To Win. Woosta and Chicago were heavy on OF and 1B types, but Mile High has made 8 playoff appearances in 10 years as well and they have done it with tremendous strength up the middle with the likes of Hanley Ramirez, Jimmy Rollins, and Robinson Cano to the extent they filled his UTIL spots as well.
DRAFT A CATCHER! Ramon Hernandez ranks as the lowest all time player thus far. It looks like GM Bielecki was at least subliminally aware of this as he drafted both Buster Posey and Victor Martinez this year.
Keepers. The one that first comes to mind is Adrian Gonzalez after the 2007 season, but it seems guys like Robinson Cano, Roy Halladay, and Adrian Gonzalez (again) took great offense to being thrown back into the non keeper pool (Get it? MACKEREL!).

Adlerithmetic :: All-Time Single Season Teams : Woosta

2011-04-05T10:02:00.000-05:00

By Steve Adler

As baseball season approaches I thought it may be informative to look at the best single season performances at each position for each of our eight franchises.

WOOSTA PIMP ROOSTAS
POS	NAME	YEAR	POINTS
C	Victor Martinez	2009	474
1B	Albert Pujols	2009	650
2B	Rickie Weeks	2010	474
3B	Alex Rodriguez	2007	653
SS	Jose Reyes	2006	520
CI	David Ortiz	2006	599
MI	Jose Reyes	2007	517
OF	Josh Hamilton	2008	543
OF	Vernon Wells	2006	519
OF	Manny Ramirez	2008	490
OF	Alex Rios	2007	462
UTIL	Albert Pujols	2006	541
UTIL	Albert Pujols	2010	566
P	F. Rodriguez	2008	654.68
P	Ubaldo Jimenez	2010	570.67
P	Roy Oswalt	2005	521.82
P	Josh Beckett	2009	461.34
P	D. Matsuzaka	2007	458.68
P	Cliff Lee	2008	452.62

What I Learned:

Rich Knows Pitching? I think everyone remembers/knows about Rich's love affair with K-Rod, but I never EVER would have guessed he was the all-time leader in single season points for a Roosta. It will surely help his MLB Hall of Fame resume.
Go Red Sox! Given that we have 6 years of data and only 4 spots for Pujols (if we went back further he could have gotten some of the OF spots I believe) I assumed he would sweep them. I didn't expect Ortiz to make it with his great 2006 season. As a side note Albert Pujols broke 500 points all but one year (when he had 490 points).
Strong Keepers. Many of the men on this list would likely wear a Woosta hat into the HOF as that is the team they would identify with and have spent the bulk of their career. It shows that Rich has identified and kept talent for a long time, likely leading to his 4 ECB titles.
BLUE JAYS! I will listen to Rich anytime he tells me a Blue Jay outfielder will have a great year, like Rios or Wells. So what's on tap for Adam Lind this year (fingers crossed)?

Mile High Minute :: 2011, Week 1

2011-04-04T13:21:00.001-05:00

After months of anticipation, the 2011 Elm City Baseball season kicked off in abbreviated fashion last week. The Mile Mackerel welcomed the ECB’s newest member, the Colorado 470s, into the league in Leg 1 of the battle for The Shield Of Gratitude. Mile High finished just outside of the playoffs in 2010 and was looking to start the season off on a positive note for a potential playoff run. Colorado, under new ownership, has made no bones about the fact that their days of being the ECB doormat are over, and looked to prove their point by defeating their crosstown rivals in the Denver Derby.

In a week free of two start pitchers and very many closing opportunities, the focus was on hitting in Week 1, and the 470s answered the bell with a flurry. Scanlan’s squad launched 11 homers as a team in just 4 days led by 3 from inaugural draft pick Ian Kinsler. Mile High kept pace with 10 homers of their own, putting both Colorado teams at the top of league in that category after Week 1. The 26-point win by the 470s can be attributed to the Mackerel’s all-or-nothing approach at the plate. As a team they registered exactly 0 doubles for the week (25 1Bs and 2 3Bs). Tack on an extra win late in the weekend for Colorado’s Gio Gonzalez, and the 470s ended the week winning their first ever series 5-4.

“Is was great to get our first series win,” Scanlan said, “but it was almost more important to make a statement coming into the league. Things worked out very well for the squad this week. Hopefully we can ride that wave into our first full week of action against the Tiger Army.”

Mile High GM Jon Bielecki spoke with a sense of subdued optimism after Week 1’s loss, “We’re not too worried about Week 1,” he said, “Lincecum could have gotten a win on Opening Day, and I’m fairly certain Tulo will get a few hits this year. Teixeira snagging Player Of The Week honors was huge after struggling early on last season. We’re pretty happy with the squad as-is for the moment.”

Mile High will take on Baltimore in Week 2 starting on Monday.

Adlerithmetic :: All-Time Single Season Teams : Chicago

2011-03-29T17:20:00.000-05:00

By Steve Adler

As baseball season approaches I thought it may be informative to look at the best single season performances at each position for each of our eight franchises.

CHICAGO TIGER ARMY
POS	NAME	YEAR	POINTS
C	Russell Martin	2007	415
1B	Joey Votto	2010	550
2B	Marcus Giles	2005	415
3B	Michael Young	2010	365
SS	Troy Tulowitzki	2009	465
CI	Mark Teixeira	2005	547
MI	Brandon Phillips	2007	407
OF	Lance Berkman	2008	551
OF	Manny Ramirez	2006	528
OF	Manny Ramirez	2005	509
OF	Carlos Beltran	2008	508
UTIL	Ryan Howard	2009	543
UTIL	Mark Teixeira	2008	513
P	Joe Nathan	2005	534.66
P	Johan Santana	2005	533.31
P	Billy Wagner	2006	528.67
P	Bobby Jenks	2006	479.18
P	Fr. Cordero	2007	471.68
P	Jake Peavy	2005	460.99

What I Learned:

I have never been able to trade for David Wright. I have tried with many owners and many various trade arrangements. Nothing ever happened and that is why Michael Young had the best season at 3B with a mere 365 points in 2010. Other years have had me trying to find a solution at 3B with poor results.
The 2-start starter strategy may have skewed the pitcher totals. This is going to involve looking at other teams, but Zack Greinke didn't make my list and he won the Cy Young award in 2009. I'll update this theory later.
My success is due to good 1B and OF. My roster reflects not only the tinkering at 3B, but also appears to indicate a lack of success in finding 2B, SS, and C via the draft or early in free agency. This is likely due to the limitations of our numbers as Mike Piazza, A-Rod, NOMAH, and Bret Boone would likely have produced better numbers.

Next up: Woosta

Mile High Minute :: 2011, Week Zero

2011-03-28T17:00:00.001-05:00

Denver's oldest ECB franchise wrapped up their 10th season by missing the playoffs in 2010. The season was marred by inconsistent keeper play (Mark Teixeira, Nick Markakis) and a terrible draft (Jason Bay and Adam Lind were the first two Mackerel re-draft picks). Even perhaps the best team pitching season they've ever had could not make up for the shortcomings on offense, which lead to many curse words coming from GM Jon Bielecki's man cave.

At a pep rally consisting of his dog and cat, Bielecki promised that 2011 would see a return to the playoffs and to non-awful drafting. The latter began with the Mackerel selecting Buster Posey in the first round of the re-draft.

"Not many people remember that we actually traded for Buster last season," said Bielecki, "Then he slumped for like a week, I got super pissed, cut him, Woosta picked him up, we shat the bed, Buster won the Rookie Of The Year and, well, let's just say I almost fired myself."

Mackerel fans are hoping that Posey's growth as a hitter continues and he can become the solid fourth offensive keeper that the Mackerel have been missing for the past several seasons. As to his favorite draft pick, Bielecki was unclear, "David Price was our number one pitcher on the board and we were able to get him in the third round, which made us happy. Teaming him up with Lince and Lester is going to be a lot of fun. We're also excited to welcome back Jered Weaver, who we thought was our best pick last year, and Vladimir Guerrero. He's getting up there, but it's nice to see his name in the lineup again."

The Mackerel open their 2011 season on Thursday against the Colorado 470s in Leg I of The Shield Of Gratitude.

2011 ECB Mock Draft – Round 2

2011-03-08T18:47:00.001-05:00

Now that Round 6 is over and we are all definitely 100% going to put our names in the cup, Round 7 is a time to figure out who you’ve always wanted on your team and/or who deserves the honor of receiving a championship ring at the end of the season. Who will owners choose as they start rounding out their squad? We know.

Zack Greinke (P)
Round 7, Pick 1
Baltimore Devil Jays

GM Grashow (and Felix Hernandez) welcome Zack GreinKKKKKKe to Baltimore. Another player likely to benefit from his change of scenery, Greinke moves to the National League and a team that can actually hit. Grashow made a commitment to advanced metrics by keeping King Felix, who although not likely to dominate the win column, IS likely to dominate the American League! Greinke will look to do the same in his new home and Grashow will gladly collect the quality innings and lots of strikeouts that Grienke will add. – Steve Adler

Round 6 Prediction: Adam Dunn (1B)

Dan Uggla (2B)
Round 7, Pick 2
Woosta Pimp Roostas

It’s hard for me to imagine that this guy was ever NOT on GM Rich Gallup’s squad. Even when Uggla was a member of my beloved Mackerel, I felt like he was somehow on loan from the Roostas. For your consideration: The guy has Popeye arms (and face, sort of), he hits of ton of homers, and he has that look on his face that says, depending on the day, he might rather kick your fuckin’ ass and bang your girlfriend than play baseball. Kind of like A-Rod, except he likes boys. – Jon Bielecki

Round 6 Prediction: Jay Bruce (OF)

Andrew McCutchen (OF)
Round 7, Pick 3
Speedway Starwipes

It seems like every year when we do these mock drafts, we just assign Frieds “good, 23 year old, player X,” but not this year! We are done with that. We project that with their second redraft pick Speedway will take 24 year old Andrew McCutchen. McCutchen clearly impressed while playing last year in the finals against GM/Coach Friedman and this year will be employed by Speedway hopefully allowing him to hit even more triples. If this mock draft continues, you might see how much Carlos Zambrano impressed Friedman in the next round... or not. – Steve Adler

Round 6 Prediction: Clayton Kershaw (P)

Shin-Soo Choo (OF)
Round 7, Pick 4
Chicago Tiger Army

Wha—? Shin-Who Who? It might be a little too early for Choo at this spot, but Adler knows something you don’t know. Choo’s averages across 162 games: 94 R, 38 2B, 21 HR, 95 RBI, 22 SB, 83 BB. Oh, and he’s only 28. Homeboy is a stud. Adler knows this, and now so do you. – Jon Bielecki

Round 6 Prediction: Mike Stanton (OF)

Cliff Lee (P)
Round 7, Pick 5
Mile High Mackerel

GM and TIMMAY welcome Cliff Lee back for a second tour in Mile High. Lee helped Mile High to the playoffs last time and will look to do so again as Mile High cannot afford to be left in the cold this year with new owner Jeff Scanlan relocating the New Hampshire 603's to within a stone’s throw of the Mackerel's stadium... literally a stones throw... QUIT THROWING ROCKS YOU TWO! – Steve Adler

Round 6 Prediction: Justin Upton (OF)

Dan Haren (P)
Round 7, Pick 6
Colorado 470s

With the loss of Adam Wainwright, and no other serviceable pitchers to speak of, Dan Haren is a logical choice for Scanlan to start a bit of a run on pitching for his 470s. Aside from averaging about 14 wins over his career, Haren is returning to the AL West where he started his string of three straight All-Star appearances beginning in 2007. With Jered Weaver pushing him and a decent-if-healthy offense, Haren could be a force in the ECB this year. – Jon Bielecki

Round 6 Prediction: Buster Posey (C, 1B)

Nelson Cruz (OF)
Round 7, Pick 7
Marshall Street Menace

GM Watts is looking to put the Menace back in Marshall Street and at 6'2" 240 lb., Nelson “Muntz” Cruz will go far towards that end. When paired with the giant (albeit slimmed down) CC Sabathia, Cruz will hopefully scare up some wins. Nelson has been unable to find a permanent home, but if he is able to stay healthy he could do so in Marshall Street. His 40 HR potential makes him the pick here as he will join Ichiro in what GM Watts hopes is a perfectly complimentary tandem. – Steve Adler

Round 6 Prediction: Jose Reyes (SS)

Andre Ethier (OF)
Round 7, Pick 8
New Haven Traffic Cones

If New Haven can get through this pick with a solid pitcher (i.e. David Price) and a solid hitter with a little upside, like, say, Andre Ethier. The Ethier Bunny missed about 20 games last year, but was on pace to match his impressive 2009 totals. If he can stay healthy, there’s no reason to think that Ethier won’t put up some solid numbers in 2011. - Jon Bielecki

Round 6 Prediction: David Price (P)

2011 ECB Mock Draft – Round 1

2011-03-07T17:23:00.001-05:00

As the remnants of winter hang around early March like a Dementor, one can always count on the looming ECB draft to dispose of any gloom quicker than you can say “expecto patronum.” As usual, this blog will predict the first rounds of the draft with 100% accuracy, so that when Netscape Gold v. 1.0 inevitably crashes on you, you can rest assured that you didn’t miss anything.

David Price (P)
Round 6, Pick 1
New Haven Traffic Cones

Having almost an entire hitting lineup just from his list of keepers (and a decent one, at that), Jeff Stanley bucks his closer-heavy trend and picks up the best available young arm. It’s a virtual guarantee that there will still be closers around when Stanley next picks, but Price’s value and the T-Cones need is too high to pass him up with the first pick. - Jon Bielecki

Keepers: Carl Crawford (OF), Kevin Youkilis (1B), Brandon Phillips (2B), Derek Jeter (SS), Brian McCann (C)

Jose Reyes (SS)
Round 6, Pick 2
Marshall Street Menace

Jose Reyes is destined to play on Marshall Street. One of the fastest players in the league? Check. Middle infielder? Check. Possible Yankee by the time keepers are due next year as the possible heir to Derek Jeter? Check. There were surely cheers of joy on Marshall Street when Rich finally freed Mr. Reyes. If healthy, Reyes is the best SS available. After Round 6, GM Watterson will have his MI slots completely solidified (with keepers Dustin Pedroia and Robinson Cano) and focus his attention on the rest of the roster... unfortunately Randy Johnson is no longer around. – Steve Adler

Keepers: Robinson Cano (2B), Dustin Pedroia (2B), Ichiro Suzuki (OF), CC Sabathia (P), Mariano Rivera (P)

Buster Posey (C, 1B)
Round 6, Pick 3
Colorado 470s

Another former Roosta comes off the board as Jeff Scanlan’s debut draft pick simultaneously breaks the hearts of ECB veterans and sets the stage for a much needed turnaround for his 470s. Posey is one of the best hitting young players in the game and when one is saddled with keepers like Jose Bautista and Nick Swisher, a hitter with long-term upside makes for a great decision. The deal is further sweetened by the fact that Posey is made unavailable to GM Rich Gallup, who elected to keep two of Scanlan’s beloved Rockies. – Jon Bielecki

Keepers: David Wright (3B), Josh Hamilton (OF), Jose Bautista (3B, OF), Adam Wainwright* (P), Nick Swisher (OF)

Justin Upton (OF)
Round 6, Pick 4
Mile High Mackerel

It was a busy offseason at high altitudes as GM Jon Bielecki jettisoned stalwart Hanley Ramirez to Chicago for local hero Troy Tulowitzki. In his quest to find the next Hanley, Mile High drafts Justin Upton and his unlimited (although largely untapped) potential. Upton can do it all, at least that's what the experts insist, with a great speed/power combination. Mile High will also be able to keep a close eye on Upton due to his residence in the NL West. Upton gives Mile High their first outfielder and is a nice complement to his returning lineup core of Teixeira, Tulo, and Ryan Zimmerman. The pick would also reunite Zimmerman his old AAU teammate to pal around in the clubhouse.

Keepers: Jon Lester (P), Troy Tulowitzki (SS), Mark Teixeira (1B), Ryan Zimmerman (3B), Tim Lincecum (P)

Mike Stanton (OF)
Round 6, Pick 5
Chicago Tiger Army

If there’s anyone Steve Adler trusts about baseball more than himself, it’s Bill James, and Bill James loves him some Mike Stanton. The strapping young slugger has all the upside in the world, and along with new toy Hanley Ramirez, would give Tiger Army fans reason to flock to SoFla for the summer. Add Stanton to Votto, Howard, and Ramirez, and the Tiger Army could have as formidable a set of hitters as there is in the league for many seasons to come. – Jon Bielecki

Keepers: Matt Kemp (OF), Joey Votto (1B), Ryan Howard (1B), Hanley Ramirez (SS), Justin Verlander (P)

Clayton Kershaw (P)
Round 6, Pick 6
Speedway Starwipes

What can be said other than Frieds loves the kids? Kershaw will benefit from the tutelage of Speedway keeper Roy Halladay on the field, and hopefully NOT the tutelage of Miguel Cabrera off the field. Frieds has shown he loves high volume strikeout pitchers (who are also good in general). Kershaw fits the mould as well as being only 23 years old. GM Friedman can afford to wait a few rounds for offense as Ryan Braun, Evan Longoria, and Chase Utley join Miguel Cabrera to bolster the Wipes offense. – Steve Adler

Keepers: Miguel Cabrera (1B), Evan Longoria (3B), Ryan Braun (OF), Chase Utley (2B), Roy Halladay (P)

Jay Bruce (OF)
Round 6, Pick 7
Woosta Pimp Roostas

What’s the best thing about being GM Rich Gallup? With the stable of keepers assembled over the years by the Pimp Roostas, the draft can be all about gambling. Pujols, Adrian Gonzalez, and A-Rod alone give the Roostas potentially three of the top 10 scoring hitters in the league in 2011, add the pair of Rockies who can realistically have better seasons than their already impressive 2010 campaign, and Gallup has the luxury of being able to draft the 23 year-old slugger early on and hope for a breakout year. – Jon Bielecki

Keepers: Albert Pujols (1B), Carlos Gonzalez (OF), Adrian Gonzalez (1B), Alex Rodriguez (3B), Ubaldo Jimenez (P)

Adam Dunn (1B)
Round 6, Pick 8
Baltimore Devil Jays

This is the easiest and most obvious pick in the draft. It was forecasted last year and came to fruition, there is no doubt that it will happen again this year. Dunn has proven to be one of the rocks of Baltimore. Like Ray Lewis except in out fantasy league. Dunn will likely benefit from the warm Chicago summer air (if it ever comes) and help Prince Fielder, Joe Mauer, Matt Holliday, and Jason Heyward lead Baltimore back to the playoffs. That is, if they don't completely botch their next pick after choosing to pick at the back end of the draft for back to back picks. – Steve Adler

* – Wainwright (injury) will be replaced with a player to be determined.

Mackerel, 470s Announce Annual Trophies

2011-02-17T16:20:00.001-05:00

DENVER, Colo. -– Competing ECB owners and longtime friends Jeff Scanlan and Jon Bielecki agreed to terms Wednesday on a set of rivalry trophies to be awarded during each season. Scanlan’s 470s and Bielecki’s Mackerel lock horns for 2011’s Week 1 contest, the first ever meeting between the two teams, and the inaugural series for the 470s.

The Shield of Gratitude: In honor of the Starz series Spartacus, which is both mocked and enjoyed by both owners, the shield is awarded to the winner of the first 3 series of each season (total games won across all three series). Tiebreaker is total points across all three series.

The Govnr’s Cup: In honor of Govnr’s Park, a Denver establishment with fine foods, drinks, and douchebaggery, this trophy is awarded to the winner of the fourth and final series of the year (if played). This trophy will be held by the last winning team in years where the teams do not play a fourth time.

2010 ECB Draft Recap

2010-04-02T09:11:00.012-05:00

This year I thought it would be fun to add a new wrinkle to our KFS draft recap article – the post-draft Q&A. I think it turned out really well, thank you all for your insightful answers. I hope you find it to be as interesting to read as I did.

The draft was held on March 28, 2010 at 8PM and the final picks in round 25 were made around 9:45. All-in-all it went very smoothly (Remember when we had to actually pick our keepers? Someone’s internet connection would inevitably fail and we would all “stall” by taking as long as possible to make our keeper picks in hopes that they would return before their next turn… ahhh, the good old days). The following Q&A is listed based on the picking order of round 6, the first redraft round:

New Haven Traffic Cones
Manager: Jeff Stanley

Q: After sticking with your usual closers-first pitching strategy you broke the mold by selecting Mad Max Scherzer in the 20th round. What made you decide to make the jump at this point in the draft?

Q: You selected a recent Tommy John surgery patient (Joe Nathan) with the 1st pick in the 12th round. At what point did you realize the mixup?

A: The bottom line is that both of these picks (along with a couple of others) were mistakes. New Haven management has been busy recently and unable to assemble proper scouting reports. Management was forced to rely on a combination of outdated cheat sheets and the always reliable Yahoo! ranking for a good chunk of the draft (round 6 and on). Not one of my better drafts, but that hasn't stopped me from missing the playoffs in the past. Hopefully some free agent pick-ups throughout the season will help compensate for a less then stellar draft.

Draft Analysis:

Loved it: Mark Reynolds with the first pick of the 6th round. He’s like Adam Dunn, but better, and he plays 3rd base. Until Elm City starts caring about strikeouts, Mark Reynolds should be a top points producer at a semi-premium position.

Hated it: Jermaine Dye in round 19. I don’t think he’s even on a team.

Woosta Pimp Roostas
Manager: Rich Gallup

Q: You selected Andrew McCutchen with the 2nd pick in the 8th round despite the fact that more proven sluggers and stud pitchers were still available. What are you expecting from the only good player on the Pirates’ roster?

A: In short, I expect at worst a guy who will be solid enough that I can leave him in the line-up all year and feel pretty good about it. At best, I see him as a shining example of the type of player I targeted in this year's draft. There weren't enough of the 30-home run, 100-RBI guys I normally target to go around, so I turned my focus to those Carl Crawford types that can put up big, consistent points through medium power and speed, who everybody expects to suddenly learn how to hit for power but never quite get there. I felt McC was the most exciting guy of that ilk available, and after seeing the next 12 guys get picked I like how it worked out. Of course, if Santana doesn't go crazy this year I'm going to wish I went with another pitcher instead.

Q: Carlos Zambrano in Round 22 was an absolute steal. How did you hack into our Yahoo! accounts to ensure that he wouldn’t show up on our draft boards?

A: I work with an amazingly talented team of software engineers who threw together a little something for me. Actually, I wouldn't be surprised if Zambrano turns out to be the worst pitcher taken in that Round. Between Franklin, Garza, Wolf, Price, and Oswalt, Round 22 is looking like prime Steal of the Draft territory. I will totally trade you Zambrano for Sandoval, by the way. Their similar body types make it a completely even deal.

Draft Analysis:

Loved it: Carlos Zambrano with the 2nd pick of the 22nd round. He’s not as good as he used to be, but he’s definitely a great value in the 22nd round and should get his share of wins on the Cubbies.

Hated it: Justin Upton in the 6th round. Jerk.

Mile High Mackerel
Manager: Jon Bielecki

Q: You selected Javier Vazquez in the 11th round. Does this mean you think he will repeat last year’s performance despite switching back to the AL?

A: In 4 years in the AL, Javy averaged about 500 points per season and, while not staggering numbers, they were consistent which is what I was looking for out of a fourth pitcher (after Lincecum, Lester, & Broxton). He has gone over 200 innings in each of the last 5 seasons (3 in the AL), and racked up 200 or more Ks in the last 3 seasons. I think he would have gone sooner had he not been wearing pinstripes.

Q: New Haven selected Mark Reynolds with the first pick of the 6th round despite your attempts to make us forget about him by leaving him out of your mock draft write-up. Did the tears filling your eyes have anything to do with your drafting of Jason Bay with the 3rd pick?

A: While you never want one of your on-the-fence throw-backs to be drafted first, it is a dubious honor. That being said, Mark Reynolds was a gamble that paid off for me last year and I was scared to death of drafting him in 2010. Honestly, and you can ask Adler about this, I wouldn't have drafted him even if he had fallen to me at pick 3. Was Bay a bad pick? Once the Mets are healthy (if ever) I would expect him to put up numbers similar to last year. He and Reynolds tied for the 6th highest offensive output in 2009. I would have traded Reynolds for Bay at any time last year and probably would have kept him over Markakis.

Draft Analysis:
I always like JB’s drafts. Remember that year he took Hanley and J-Roll with the 8th and 9th picks of the redraft? Nice.

Loved it: Chris Davis in the 18th round. This was a great place to grab Chris Davis and his huge post-hype upside.

Hated it: Not a horrible pick, but I don't like Jason Bay with the 2nd pick in the 6th round. Maybe I’m jaded after watching him for a few years in a horrible Pittsburgh lineup, but I’ve never been a big J-Bay fan. He’s really streaky and injury prone and I think his runs/RBI will be a lot lower after his departure from Fenway and the Red Sox lineup.

Chicago Tiger Army
Manager: Steve Adler

Q: You stole a lot of picks from me. I guess great minds think alike. Bravo! Please discuss.

A: Well... glad to hear someone else wanted some of the guys I ended up with. I think that both of our franchises have been competitive... so I can't say that I am completely surprised. I am guessing about which players you are referring to, but I know you had Votto last year so I'll start there. I was jealous that you had him all year as he was a player I had targeted prior to LAST YEAR. I think there may be even more upside there. I also think it is true that in this league owners try to get back a lot of their players (beyond their keepers) from the previous year (see Speedway rounds 6-9). The second guy that I am guessing you mean is Josh Johnson. I looked at your roster from last year (as well as mine) and we both seem to target starters that can throw a lot of innings with a high strikeout rate. The final player that I think you mean: David Price. This I think is for a different reason... and that is because BAL and SPE are notorious for grabbing every good looking prospect and I think Price still qualifies even though he is somewhat forgotten about with the focus shifting to Strasburg.

Q: You chose Gordon Beckham with the 10th round. Are you expecting a breakout season for the young second baseman? Or did you make the mistake of going on a Chicago-based sports website to read the incredible local hype?

A: I think this goes back to the second part of getting players back that you liked the previous year (also think this was another player you may have targeted). I think the reason that I took him that early (and may have overpaid) was twofold. First, if I hadn't taken him right there both Speedway and Baltimore would have had two picks before I got another chance to take him. Secondly, I think that his move to 2B makes him an exceptional value. Although he is relatively unproven the kid DID rake after the first 4 games or so with the White Sox. I think he can hit 20-25 HR's and have an OPS above .800... which coming from a middle infield position is exceptional. PLUS, I kept 2 pitchers this year and hope to never do that again so I want to have a deeper pool of prospective positional keepers.

Draft Analysis:

Loved it: Carlos Quentin in the 14th round. This was a great pick in the 14th round. If the reports of him being over his various injuries are true he could quickly regain his status as the elite hitter Adler traded for 2 seasons ago.

Hated it: Nothing really jumps out at me as a bad pick or a reach. The combination of Soriano and Beltran in the 15th and 16th rounds was risky since both are so injury prone. He’ll be lucky to get one full fantasy season’s worth out of these two.

Speedway Starwipes
Manager: Ryan Freidman

Q: Was drafting Matt Weiters in the 9th round a rational decision? or were you just “feeling the itch” since Baltimore had selected Heyward with the preceeding pick?

A: It actually had nothing to do with Heyward, although I'm glad it worked out that way. I was ready to draft Weiters heading into that pick regardless. He was the last catcher on the board that I would actively want on my team, and he really wasn't that bad last year, putting aside the hype. .288 with a pace for 15 homers and 70+ RBIs in a full season.

Q: You used 3 of your first 5 picks on pitchers. Was this an intentional strategy? Or were you just taking what the draft gave you?

A: Intentional for sure. Last year's squad was the best team I've had since our inaugural year, and it was nearly all due to having all those aces on the roster. In fact, I really planned to add one more (either Cliff Lee or Matt Cain) until I heard the siren song of Jay Bruce and Lance Berkman just to spite Adler.

Draft Analysis:

Loved it: Haren and Carpenter in rounds 7 & 8. I just hope I don’t have to play you the week that Halladay, Haren, and Carpenter each have two starts. Not to mention Hanson who you added a couple of rounds later.

Hated it: James Loney, Round 18. It’s not that he’s bad, it’s just that he’s so, I don’t know, boring.

Baltimore Devil Jays
Manager: Jon Grashow – DOSBOT

Q: Jason Heyward in the 9th round? Really? He has fewer than 50 at bats above single-A. What were you thinking?

A: Well, it didn’t help that Yahoo! had a feature article about him on the fantasy baseball front page the day of the draft. Chipper Jones seems to love the guy, and Bobby Cox says he’s the only player whose bat makes the same sound as Hank Aaron’s when he hits the ball. Plus one of the thousand articles I’ve read about Heyward during spring training said he had the potential to have a “Pujols-esque” rookie season. Since Woosta stole the next Griffey Jr (Justin Upton) from last year’s championship roster it seemed prudent to add the next Pujols. Across 3 minor league levels last year he had a 51:51 walk-to-strikeout ratio, so at least he’s not Chris Davis. If we’re lucky we’ll get the second coming of Pujols, if we’re not so lucky we’ll get another Alex Gordon. Either way it will be a fun ride.

Q: You drafted Nomar with your final pick, effectively preventing him from retiring as a member of the Tiger Army. How can you justify this backstabbing behavior?

A: Speaking of Alex Gordon, we were going to take him with our final pick as a joke, but I suddenly got worried that people wouldn’t realize it was a joke. Fearing bad Karma for the entire season (the punishment for making serious picks in the final round), I pulled the trigger on Nomah instead. Admittedly, in his fantasy career we were more like the Dodgers than the Red Sox. I dropped him immediately so that Adler could pick him up and have a jersey retirement ceremony. As I made that pick I was suddenly transported to the TV coverage of one of the All-Star games where Jeter and Nomar were being talked about as the two premier shortstops in the game. They seemed so happy back then, smiling and laughing in the dugout…

Draft Analysis:

Loved it: Chipper Jones in the 21st round. I know he has injury issues, but he’s been raking this spring and still has the upside to be an elite third baseman when he’s on the field. Also, apparently he is going to keep both hands on the bat when he hits lefty in order to catch up with fastballs better this season.

Hated it: Cody Ross in the 19th round. I Didn’t really know who to pick at this point. He’s already been cut from the team.

Marshall Street Menace
Manager: Jon Watterson

Q: Your first 2 picks were Ellsbury and Ichiro. This will obviously cement your lead atop the steals category, but do you think these picks will help you in Elm City Baseball where “chicks dig the longball?”

A: I had to get back to picking great players. I had become very pitcher-reliant and wanted to get away from that, while also staying away from picking-for-position so early in the draft. I have high hopes for these two players in a number of categories--Runs, 1B, 2B, 3B, and SB. I realize that not getting the 4-point value of a HR (and the RBIs that come with it) may prove to be a downfall of mine, but I hope that these guys are so active in other categories that it makes up for not getting the HRs from them.

Q: You selected Elvis Andrus in the 16th round and Stephen Drew in the 19th round. All in all you drafted 6 middle infielders (including 2 keepers). Is there a method to your madness?

A: Despite what I just said, Elvis Andrus was very much a position play--I needed a shortstop badly at the time. I actually really like him at that late a round. Around Round 19, I started looking at backups, and that is the reason for the proximity of the Andrus/Drew picks.
Cano has Ellsbury/Ichiro potential, for me--I (almost) look at him independent of position, because I think he can fill up so many statistical categories.

Draft Analysis:

Loved it: Francisco Rodriguez with the 7th pick of round 12. With Nathan going down, K-Rod is in line to be the best closer in Elm City baseball in my opinion. Getting him as the 5th closer off the board was a steal.

Hated it: Ichiro in round 7. OF is a deep position and Ichiro hasn’t been an elite scorer in Elm City for some time. I liked Carlos Lee (Round 10), Shin-Soo Choo (Round 11), Josh Hamilton (Round 11), and Adam Jones (Round 12) better. Just to name a few.

New Hampshire 603s
Manager: Brian Labore

Q: Your selection of Bob Abreu with the first pick of the 7th caught me by surprise. Why did you feel it was necessary to pull the trigger on this pick so early?

A: While not the first name on my list, the 603s really needed to build a solid foundation to compete this year. Coming off last years abandonment, criminal hearings, and scandal, we felt that Abreau had the consistent numbers and play time that could keep our team on track throughout the season.

Q: Your team is obviously strongly aligned with the Granite state. How do you think your fans will react to you drafting the prince of darkness (Jorge Posada) in the 18th round?

A: Posada is neither a fan nor an owner favorite and will most likely be cut ealry in the season but we here in the NH believe that every man should be given a chance to prove he can Live Free, and we all know the alternative...

Draft Analysis:

Loved it: Hideki Matsui in round 20. He retains OF eligibility from last year, but will spend most of his time as LAA’s DH to save his knees. This guy is a professional hitter and one of two Yankees that I admit to liking (along with David Wells). He could easily outscore your first pick (Bobby Abreu) if he can stay healthy.

Hated it: Garrett Jones in round 10. My magic 8-ball said “very doubtful” when I asked if Garrett Jones would repeat last year’s performance. At this point in the draft there were more proven performers and better high-upside picks to choose from.

Mile High Minute :: 2010, Week Zero

2010-03-29T16:07:00.001-05:00

The second best part of the season (draft) is now over and within a week the ECB will be rolling into its 10th season. That’s tin or aluminum if anyone wants to buy the league an anniversary gift. Speaking of presents, ECB draft day is akin to a child’s Christmas morning for most owners. Even better for some. Mile High, for instance, gets to draft a shiny new Hanley Ramirez every year, which is much better than a Brett Favre jersey or a Brio train set. What else did Mile High receive on draft day? Let’s analyze… After Mark Reynolds and Justin Upton went to New Haven and Woosta respectively, Mile High’s hand was quickly forced. Electing to put off pitching until a round or two later, they took the Mets new star Jason Bay (6RD, 43OVR). GM Jon Bielecki hopes that Bay will produce numbers similar to those he put up in Boston, especially later in the season with the returns of Carlos Beltran and Jose Reyes to the Met lineup. Until then, Bielecki and Bay are both huge David Wright fans. The first somewhat-coup of the draft for Mile High came with the selection of Jon Lester (8RD, 59OVR) even sooner than his ADP on Yahoo (69.6). One of the few “upside” guys drafted by Mile High this year, Bielecki will be looking for bigger production out of a guy who put up almost 600 points last year. “We’ll be looking for him to fill the roles of Cliff Lee and Roy Halladay in the past. I would like to be able to start Jonny and Timmy both every week and not have to worry about them. That’s up to him…” With Lester, Bielecki will now have one pitcher who defies the laws of physics (Tim Lincecum) and one who defied Mother Nature herself.Bielecki rounded out his staff by drafting three straight pitchers in the middle of the draft. “I wanted to get some quality before it was gone. It seemed like a lot of pitching slipped to the later rounds, so I wanted to get my choice of pitchers before they were gone. Other than Ubaldo (Jimenez), I think we did okay.” The Mack drafted Heath Bell (13RD, 102OVR), Jered Weaver (14RD, 107OVR), and Brian Wilson (15RD, 118OVR) as their 5th, 6th, and 7th pitchers, giving them three solid closers, and four strong starters. “Bell and Wilson will probably share playing time,” Bielecki said, “But I like having the option of using three closers if I have a short pitching week.” He added that, “the clubhouse was short on tatts and muscles,” which was another reason for the signing of Wilson. The revolving door up the middle has already begun. Second base and the MI spots are without question the weakest of the Mackerel lineup. Alongside Hanley Ramirez, the Mack will probably be starting Felipe Lopez (16RD, 123OVR) at second and young buck Ian Desmond (UNDRAFTED) at the MI spot. “Not sure yet how we’re going to work this,” Bielecki said, “I like Lopez hitting around Holliday and Pujols. With Desmond, I’m not sure what we’re in for. It’s a definite gamble.” Early on it’s looking like Mile High will be relying heavily on its keepers to lead the charge. “We can afford to get a slow start,” Bielecki said, “But over the course of the season, we’re going to need the big name players to step up and carry this team like they did last year. Anything less than the playoffs will be considered a failure.”

Gentlemen! You can’t draft in here, this is the War Room!

2010-03-17T10:50:00.001-05:00

Well, now that all the draft slots have been chosen and all of the keepers have been announced (Right? No one still has to announce their keepers?) it is time for a mock draft.

We kid, Watts. For the sake of this mock we are going to assume that Watts is keeping some combo of Mariano Rivera, Carlos Lee, Andre Either, Dusty Pedroia, Ian Kinsler, CC Sabathia, or Kendry Morales. The good news? Whatever combo he goes with has n'an impact on this mock. So Frieds may as well enter these picks after the keepers:

NEW HAVEN TRAFFIC CONES
Justin Upton

The old jokes about closers and old people have no place in this mock draft. At least that's what we wanted to do. Turned out it's impossible. We think Ffej looks for a proven player to help lift his Cones to playoff contention. That player is Justin Upton. Grashow’s last minute keeper change-of-heart reinvents the Cones as they land the kid who many say is the next Griffey (Ken Jr. not Craig).

WOOSTA PIMP ROOSTAS
Pablo Sandoval

Woosta is looking to right the ship that was partly weighed down by Josh Hamilton and his injuries. Rich has an enviable stable of keepers who are surprisingly all hitters. One is even a catcher! Given that we don't all have 15 keepers, we don't see Rich taking a pitcher here. In fact we believe there was more to his trip to San Francisco than just work. It's obvious he was out there asking about his pick, everyone's favorite panda, Pablo Sandoval. This was clearly the missing piece between winning the regular season in '08 and missing the playoffs in '09. Rich reclaims him here. Also we take back what we said about the ship being weighed down. Panda’s not going to help that problem.

MILE HIGH MACKEREL
Chris Carpenter

Mile High has forged its way to the playoffs lately with good all-around hitting, but also with strong starting pitching duos (Lincecum-Lee in '09, Lincecum-Halladay in '08, and Haren-Hamels in '07). The bet here is that JB starts that process again by pairing an ace, Tim Lincecum, with a local boy done good. Chris Carpenter goes off the board here and gives Mile High the wicked awesome 1-2 punch that they have built their rotation around as of late and become the envy of every Major League club.

CHICAGO TIGER ARMY
Joey Votto

The Tiger Army has been built around bats. In fact this is the first time they have kept even one, let alone two, pitchers since 2006. To make up for that they will be looking for the best bat available, and if his wife has anything to say about it (and she does), that bat will be Joey Votto. It would appear there is more to enjoy in Cincy than chili (if you want to call it that), Bengals games, and trips to see the in-laws... Actually there isn’t, but Emily needs another carrot to put in front of Adler’s face to get him to Cincinnati.

SPEEDWAY STARWIPES
Dan Haren

GM Friedman returns arguably the best collection of keepers. The hitters can flat out rake and matched with an NL bound Roy Halladay, the Wipes are returning a scary core of players. This pick was a lock to end up as Felix Hernandez until Baltimore announced him as their final keeper. It could still end up being the man who inspired www.mattwietersfacts.com but the bet here is that Speedway goes with a familiar face in Dan Haren, enjoys the first half and curses him whole second half.

BALTIMORE DEVIL JAYS
Jason Bay

We now turn to the defending champions. The Devil Jays are known for one thing: Adam Dunn. As of right now they do not have him on their roster. The belief here is that they will re-stock their bats (after making a change that delayed the release of this mock draft) given they already have a King as the foundation of their staff. The best bat on the board looks to be Jason Bay who will be shifting back to the NL and looking to drive in Jose Reyes & Co. (not Corey Sullivan & Co.) about a billion times.

MARSHALL STREET MENACE
Jacoby Ellsbury

GM Jon "Silent Bob" Watterson is playing his cards very close to the vest this year and hasn't tipped his hand at all... refusing to even have his preliminary keepers announced. Yeah, he’s not paying attention. Also he LOVES Barack Obama. Voted for him 57 times. The thought here is that he plays that he refuses to even tell Yahoo! who he picks when it comes his turn in the draft. Therefore the person left at the top of the rankings that will be drafted by Marshall St will be Tacoby Bellsbury (http://www.boston.com/news/local/articles/2007/10/31/ellsbury_scores_with_fans_at_steal_a_taco_promotion/) or as he is more commonly known Jacoby Ellsbury.

NEW HAMPSHIRE 603
Jimmy Rollins

After going through a season of football Brian gets to experience the flagship sport (in our opinion) of KFS. It would appear that he is trying to get a couple of solid players after not seeing anyone he was dying to get his hands on by potentially having the number one pick. Having no draft history to go off the thought here is that he goes with a known quantity at a position that he lacks and grabs Jimmy Rollins and then ponders who he will grab on the wrap pick.

There it is, owners the picks you are all guaranteed to make. Good luck getting your name in the cup.

Mile High Minute :: ECB 2009, Week 5

2009-05-11T16:42:00.001-05:00

In what is sure to be one of the closest finishes of the entire season, the Mile High Mackerel extended their winning streak to four weeks in a row with a 2/3-point victory over league-leading Speedway.

In the last inning of the week, Mack closer and world-class douchebag Jonathan Papelbon tallied 14 last-second points in nail-biting fashion, having what would have been the series-clinching point on third base with no one out. He promptly struck out Carlos Pena, B.J. Upton, and Carl Crawford and danced his way to his home in Gayville.

“ZOMG! IM 2 AWESOME!” Papelbon said to the media, wearing his trademark dumbass goggles, bike shorts, and t-shirt reading “ZOMG! IM 2 AWESOME!"

“I didn’t even watch the game,” said GM Jon Bielecki, “I was playing Elder Scrolls IV on XBox, assuming that I had no chance of winning the series. You can imagine my surprise when I came in on Monday and checked the scores. It was like a 6-out-of-10 on the surprise scale.”

Mile High takes on LA of Anaheim this week, who put up an impressive (albeit not enough to win) 487 points versus Chicago in Week 5.

“I feel pretty confident we can keep rolling,” Bielecki said, “We went with a bit of a strange lineup this week, sitting McLouth, J-Roll, and Paps, but we’re still tinkering around from week to week.” Bielecki also noted that Armando Galarraga and A.J. Burnett were essentially competing for a roster spot this week. If Burnett is cut, he has vowed to be picked up by Marshall Street and to go on to have a 700 point season.

Mile High Minute :: ECB 2009, Week 4

2009-05-04T13:15:00.001-05:00

Four weeks into the season and it seems the Mile High Mackerel have finally left their Week 1 travesty in the distance. Earning TOTW honors and a 6-3 victory over rival Marshall Street Menace, the Mack extended their win streak to three weeks and are currently tied for second place with Chicago in the standings. The Mack are in control of their own destiny this week as they take on first-place Speedway, the current ECB points leader.

“We’re going to need a big week from our pitching staff this week,” said GM Jon Bielecki, referring to the fact that Speedway has 4 two-start pitchers going in Week 5. Mile High will counter with three two-starters of their own, including staff ace Tim Lincecum who has seemingly found his mojo after a few shaky outings to start the season.

“I throw fast! PEEW PEEW!” said Lincecum in his weekly press conference. Bielecki will also be looking for “peew-peew” type performances from Kevin Millwood and Chris Volstad, both of whom are making their 2009 debuts for the Mackerel in Week 5.

Offensively, the Mack said goodbye to Kelly Johnson after Week 4 due to declining performance and lack of games played. In his place, Jimmy Rollins will be making his return to an offense that lost several games last week due to injury (Hanley Ramirez, Nate McLouth) and rainouts (5 hitters rained out on Sunday). Nevertheless, the Mackerel put up 420 points as a team, which is encouraging considering much of the team has yet to hit its stride.

“This week will be a measuring rod for us,” said Bielecki, “both squads have lots of pitching and a full schedule for the hitters, so it should be fun to watch these scores accumulate.”

Mile High Minute :: ECB 2009, Week 3

2009-04-27T16:04:00.001-05:00

Continuing their roller coaster season, the Mile High Mackerel claimed a 6-3 victory, edging LA of Anaheim by 57 points to establish their first winning streak of the season. Less impressive was the point total put up by the Mack, 353.5, which was the third lowest in the league.

“We need to get better, especially on the mound,” said GM Jon Bielecki, “We’re okay in the win column right now, but we’re a hair’s breadth from having a couple of 2-7 weeks, or worse.”

The pitching for the Mack was inconsistent again, with erratic performances both good (W, 8IP, 12K from Tim Lincecum) and worse than not playing at all (-.50 points from A.J. Burnett).

“We were in a tough spot last week,” Bielecki said, “I was banking on Lilly going twice, but he got pushed to Wednesday. Also Valverde got hurt and Papelbon has been less than solid.”

The offense dropped off a bit, producing it’s lowest score of the season. However the 238 points was very much a team effort. Six players scored 20 points or more, with no one over 33 (Nick Markakis). The Mack bats were hampered by slow weeks from Jimmy Rollins (9 points) and Chris Duncan (5 points). Rollins and Duncan have gone back to the bench for Week 4 with Kelly Johnson returning the lineup and Shin-Soo Choo joining the outfield. But Bielecki’s focus remained on the mound.

“Jimmy will start hitting one of these days,” he said, “It’s sort of like having someone on the DL right now. What we really need is to get more points out of our pitching. We’re giving up too many walks and that needs to stop. Again, I’m confident we’ve got a good core team assembled, it’s just going to take a few more weeks to get all of the pieces together.”

The Mack can take some solace in the fact that the ECB is in the midst of a league-wide parity never before seen. Although they have scored more total points than only LA of Anaheim, they trail second place Baltimore by less than 70 points.

Mile High Minute :: ECB 2009, Week 2

2009-04-20T11:51:00.002-05:00

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. Roaring back from a Week 1 bed-shitting, the Mile High Mackerel responded better than expected in their Week 2 matchup against the Marshall Street Menace. Raúl Ibañez led a well rounded offensive attack that resulted in 299 offensive points, just 26 points less than the entire team’s output in Week 1.

The pitching also came around, led by 2 wins from Gavin Floyd and a one-hit performance by Ted Lilly on Monday. Lilly was scheduled to pitch again on Sunday, and may have helped Mile High make a run for Team Of The Week honors, but the game was canceled because Adler controls the weather in Chicago.

“A sigh of relief? Yeah,” said GM Jon Bielecki, “It’s hard to know what to expect when a team stumbles out of the gates like we did in Week 1. It was nice to bounce back. Hopefully we can be more consistent in the coming weeks.”

With a 6-3 victory, the Mack move into sole possession of 3rd place in the standings, despite scoring the second least amount of total points on the season. Offensively, they rank second in the league behind Woosta and the bats will be needed this week, as Mile High only has one two-start pitcher going against LA of Anaheim.

H2H :: Back By Popular Demand Or Something

2009-04-16T23:27:00.002-05:00

THE REAL DEAL, OR TAKE THE FIELD?
Speedway Starwiped the league, putting up a stunning 533.1 points in week 1, sweeping the weekly awards and embarrassing the Cones. Are they the real deal this season, or will you put your money on anyone else?

I take the field. Speedway has potential, but, well, it’s just that, there are too many “buts.” But will the Mets win for Johan? But will Stephen Drew deliver? But will Ryan Braun hit a home run? But will Magglio Ordonez, well you know. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying Speedway isn’t any good, but I don’t see Josh Johnson putting up 63 every week. I will call Speedway the scariest team to have to play. Just about every Wipe could have a monster week, as Week 1 showed, but I don’t think the consistently will be there as the season progresses. So who do I take in the field? That wasn’t the question. My answer is: not Speedway, and I’ll leave it at that. Jon?

This is like taking the field versus Tiger, right? So Frieds is Tiger in this analogy? I love you Frieds, but the closest thing we have to Tiger is Braden in SBL. And that includes Adler’s ECB team. I agree, this team is built to destroy, but that destruction is going to rely heavily on big weeks from veterans Miggy Cabrera and Chase Utley. I think a key to them running the table this year will be the consistency of Evan Longoria and Ryan Braun. So far Longoria is raking, but it remains to be seen if the rest of the league can make adjustments to shut him down. If the season ended today, yes they would win, but I’ll take the field on this one.

YOUR MOM SUCKS
Both Mile High and Chicago had a terrible first week, but were lucky enough to be playing each other, playing to a 5-4 outcome. Which one of these teams should be more worried about starting the season which such a meager total?

Why would I say my team? Because after the draft, I really didn’t like my team. I can be honest about this. Papelbon? Really? That guy is like king douche, he has no businees wearing the glorious black and teal. I gotta give props to Grashow for having his shit together, because honestly I'm the type of GM that likes to have 5 minutes or more to make a pick. On those back-to-back picks it was bam-bam and I was totally unprepared, hence the Jose Valverde pick. Anyway, there were more question marks than not after the draft for me, and the first week didn't help my constitution any. Needless to say I'm sharpening the guillotine...

So what was your answer to the actual question? I got it. You’re not happy about drafting Papelbon in the first round. Good move, though, because 3 or 4 more rounds and I probably would have drafted him (salt in the wound?) Come on, man, get over it, you’re the defending champ. You’ve got Hanley Ramirez. That guy is so good he wears black and teal in real life! Rollins will come around, and your Yankees will start to swing the bat.

MVP-I-M-P ROOSTA
Since 2002 the league MVP has belonged to Woosta. Will this continue this season?

No. The glory days are over in Woosta. Despite my lack of faith in the team as a whole, I think Speedway has a good group of individual performers. It would not surprise me to see I see a ‘Wipe bat as MVP this season.

Unfortunately, I have to say that as long as A-Rod and A-Lbert reside in Woosta, it’s hard to see the MVP trophy leaving the hands of the Pimps. And I’m okay with that, because it’s got to pain most of the owners in the league to send the MVP award to Woosta every year, and sometimes make it be a Yankee. In fact, since this league’s inception, I think the MVP award has been synonymous with a-hole that I wouldn’t want on my team anyway. Would I like the buck the trend? Sure, but even if they’re winning awards every year, the Pimps still aren’t getting it done as a team. There’s no “I” in “put my name in the cup.” Yes there is.

LUCKY 7!
New Haven has finished in seventh place in overall scoring in each of the last two seasons. Is there some jackpot to be expected if they go 7-7-7, or will the T-Cones find their way into the playoff race?

The 7-7-7 sweep would have happened last year, if I didn't screw it up and finish 7th in '06, so my apologies there for not tanking it. You know what they say about sunshine and a dog's ass? Well you, my friend, are the dog's ass this year (not to be confused with the cat's ass, which ALWAYS GOES TO EIGHT BALL!). I predict at least a 6th place finish for the T-Cones this year. That being said, have a feeling that it's going to be a log jam from 3rd to 6th place, at least in the win column and there will be some "I can't believe I scored XXXXX points this year and didn't (or did) make the playoffs" after all is said and done.

I hate to talk good about my team as my KFS trophy case remains empty, but I’d like to agree. I’d like to see the Cones as part of that logjam you refer to. You’re absolutely right about that too. The past few seasons, in all KFS sports that has definitely been an increase in parity, especially in that 3-6 place area. I think that in itself is great, and I might be thinking that I might have a chance to maybe make the playoff cut this season. Kind of. Maybe.

ACCORDING TO BIFF’S SPORTS ALMANAC…
Predict the following:

League MVP

Jeff Says…

Miguel Cabrera Speedway

Jon Says…

Grady Sizemore Baltimore

Draft Steal

Jeff Says… Heath Bell New Haven, Round 25

Jon Says… Matt Garza Baltimore, Round 23

Draft Bust

Jeff Says… Mariano Rivera Marshall Street, Round 6

Jon Says… Alexei Ramirez LA of Anaheim, Round 8

Worst Keeper

Jeff Says… Russell Martin
LA of Anaheim

Jon Says… Dustin Pedroia Marshall Street

MORE FROM BIFF’S SPORTS ALMANAC…

Jesse Orosco
Award Most Teams Played For

Jon Says… Brad Hawpe
He's a power hitter and he's streaky. More than a couple of teams will try to ride the Hawpe Express as it's making its way uphill... Nice deer.

Jeff Says… Troy Percival
But, apparently all those teams will be the Chicago Tiger Army.

Chris Carpenter Award
Most Likely To Spend More Than Half The Season On The DL

Jon Says… Chris Carpenter Annnnd done.

Jeff Says… Lastings Milledge Does half the season on the farm count? HA!

The Aubrey Huff Award
Biggest Second Half – Individual

Jon Says… Nick Swisher
I think he'll platoon for the Bombers during the first half of the season, then someone will go down (NOT TEIXEIRA!) and he'll be a full time player batting behind A-Rod. A good place to be.

Jeff Says… Ichiro
He’ll be back soon, and take some time adjusting to leadoff. He’ll still steal 40+ bases, though.

The Oakland Athletics Award
Biggest Second Half – Team

Jon Says… Speedway
Weiters and David Price are imminent. Or am I just saying that so Frieds will keep them on his roster?

Jeff Says… Chicago
Burrell, Bruce, and Kemp will produce and the tribe will give Kerry Wood save opportunities.

AT THE BUZZER…

	Out of time. We’ll try to do better next time. Good night Canada…you suck.
	Well said. I hope I’m wrong about everything I said in this episode. Lates, y’all…

Mile High Minute :: ECB 2009, Week 1

2009-04-13T10:09:00.003-05:00

One of the few problems with living at altitude is that hangovers are long and painful. Such was the case with the mighty-mighty-Mackerel who dropped perhaps the biggest, smelliest hangover dump in the history of the ECB in Week 1.

Having picked up AL Cy Young winner Cliff Lee in the draft, pitching for the Mackerel should have been the story. It was. Lee and Tim Lincecum combined for less than 18 total points over 4 starts. Aaron Cook contributed 3.7 points on the week, bringing Mackerel two-start pitchers to a total of 21.3 points over 6 total starts.

“I feel like I’m more mature now,” said GM Jon Bielecki when asked if he would be breaking anything in response to his team’s performance, “Besides, XBox controllers are like 40 bucks. That’s a little steep.”

“I think Tim and Cliff will be okay,” Bielecki added, “We’ll wait until Cliff’s next two start week to put him in the lineup though.”

Time will tell what the future holds for Aaron Cook. “I have a red goatee,” he said in a post-game press conference, “Also, why the hell did the Rockies trade Matt Holliday?”

Offensively, the Mack were in the middle of the pack across the league. They weren’t helped by the fact that new toy Mark Teixeira sat out most of the weekend with wrist tendonitis. “I was pretty disappointed with my managers,” Bielecki said, “All we needed was a couple of hits to get a win and Tex, Damon, Helton, and Johnson all sat the bench on Sunday.” Helton has since packed his bags and slumping keeper Jimmy Rollins is not playing this week in favor of Robinson Canó.

Mile High plays Marshall Street this week, who put up 400 points in Week 1. “We’ll be back, probably,” Bielecki said, “There are a lot of new faces around here, so we need to figure out how to make this thing work.”

Round 2: Electric Boogaloo

2009-03-24T12:46:00.001-05:00

Your round two projections, straight outta the Mile Heezzy. Assuming current list of keepers and Grashow’s predictions…

Baltimore
Who They’ll Have…
Prince Fielder, Adam Dunn, Grady Sizemore, Matt Holliday, Álex Ríos, Daisuke Matsuzaka.
And Then…

Nate McLouth. Could this be a more fitting pick for the D-Jays? McLouth is the NL version of Sizemore. He’s gritty, well rounded, and he plays in Shittsburgh, which would make it easy for GM Grashow to see his investment in person a few times over the course of the season. Besides, he’s a high-upside white boy who rumor has it Mile High has been looking closely at. This virtually guarantees that he’ll be drafted by Baltimore.
Mile High
Who They’ll Have…
Tim Lincecum, Mark Teixeira, Hanley Ramírez, Nick Markakis, Jimmy Rollins, Adrián González.
And Then…

Roy Halladay. Can JB pass up teaming Doc with Timmay again? Probably not. We’re getting the bad back together!
Worcester
Who They’ll Have…
Albert Pujols, José Reyes, Álex Rodríguez, Josh Hamilton, David Ortiz, Francisco Rodríguez.
And Then…

Dan Uggla. The patented Rich “This Draft Is Terrible” talk starts in round two when the majority of the talent lies in pitching. Pitching is for wimps. Pitching is for guys who don’t have Popeye-style forearms. Dan Uggla had more strikeouts than Cliff Lee last year AND he hit 32 jacks. This is elementary, people.
Marshall Street
Who They’ll Have…
Dustin Pedroia, Ian Kinsler, Carlos Lee, CC Sabathia, Jake Peavy, Bobby Abreu.
And Then…

Mariano Rivera. The opportunity will be there for Watts to do something radical with this pick. With most of the top-tier studs already spoken for, he’ll have to decide if this will be a pitching or hitting heavy squad. I remember that one time when this team was decent it was because of pitching. Also I’ll be reminding everyone at the draft that pitching won the championship last year.
Chicago
Who They’ll Have…
Ryan Howard, Justin Morneau, Lance Berkman, Carlos Beltrán, Carlos Quentin, Cole Hamels.
And Then…

Jonathan Papelbon. And then Adler walks out of the room, his arms raised triumphantly (much like this photo), forgetting that it’s a 25-man roster and said rosters needs to be updated on a weekly basis. He finishes the season 1 game out of the playoffs, while scoring more points than the 4th and 3rd place teams.
Speedway
Who They’ll Have…
Miguel Cabrera, Chase Utley, Evan Longoria, Ryan Braun, Johan Santana, B.J. Upton.
And Then…

Joey Votto. Then he waits until round-the-third to snatch Hunter Pence from under Adler’s nose.
New Haven
Who They’ll Have…
Brian McCann, Kevin Youkilis, Brian Roberts, Aramis Ramírez, Carl Crawford, Vladmir Guerrero.
And Then…

Cliff Lee. A solid pitcher, and a starter at that. Not since the days of when Randy Johnson could break 90mph have we seen that out of the T-Cones. Make it happen, Ffej. Of course, we may also see Brad Lidge or Joakim Soria go at this slot.
Los Angeles… of Anaheim
Who They’ll Have…
Russell Martin, David Wright, Jason Bay, Alfonso Soriano, Brandon Webb, Manny Ramírez (how is this team so bad?).
And Then…

Curtis Granderson. Rest of league: “FUCK!”

Round 1 Goes a Little Something Like This

2009-03-22T17:11:00.002-05:00

1st round mock draft, courtesy of Baltimore CEO/Director of Player Personnel Jon Grashow.

Anaheim: Man-Ram

And with the 1^st pick of the 2009 Elm City Baseball Draft presented in stunning 1080P by keenefantasysports.com the LA of Anaheim Squatters select – Manny Ramirez. Every year Bob’s lineup hits the cover off the ball, leaving the rest of us scratching our heads as we barely squeak out a victory even though none of his pitchers have two starts and 3 of his active players are on the DL. Manny fits this bill to a T, and he even plays in LA. Consider this one a done deal.

New Haven: Vlad Guerrero

“Well, he’s old enough…” will be the last words uttered in the New Haven war room prior to the selection of Guerrero with the 2^nd pick. New Haven keepers McCann, Youkilis, and Crawford are all bringing the average age of the T-Cones down to dangerously low levels. Vlad is the pick that will bring this once proud franchise back to its respectable “veteran” status.

Speedway: BJ Upton

“Well, he’s young enough…” will be the last words uttered in the Speedway war room prior to the selection of the elder Upton brother with the 3^rd pick. Speedway has the infield positions pretty well covered, so they will probably look to fill in one of the holes in the OF with their first pick. Plus Ryan has already thrown Upton’s name around the message boards. Anyone who can read between the lines can see he has feelings for the shortstop turned third baseman turned second baseman turned outfielder.

Chicago: Cole Hamels

Chicago didn’t keep any pitchers, and Cole Hamels is a flame thrower. He’s young, he’s got the WOW factor that Adler can’t get enough of, and he’s not on the Yankees – sounds like a match to me. Now that it has been revealed that his elbow is structurally sound, look for Private Hamels to report to the Tiger Army for duty in the first round.

Marshall St.: Bob Abreu

With rumors circulating that Manager Watterson may not be able to attend the draft in person this year, I was tempted to write the name of a catcher in this slot. But I KNOW that he won’t make the mistake of pre-ranking players alphabetically by position again, so instead I just chose the available player that I like the least. That’s usually a good bet for Marshall St.

Woosta: K-Rod

Did anyone realize that Francisco Rodriguez scored 792 points last year? That’s just disgusting. Woosta will probably pick him up again and ride him to the championship. He’ll probably score even more this year playing for the M-E-T-S.

Mile High: A-Gon

Over the past few years Mile High has had some of the most impressive drafts of any team, building their impressive stable of keepers and making them a competitive force each year. They have an opening at the corner infielder position and Adrian Gonzalez is just the kind of high-scoring, high-upside, sensible pick that JB likes to make.

Baltimore: Dice-K

With no pitchers counted among their keepers, Baltimore will almost certainly try to rectify the situation in the first round. Matsuzaka has gotten better each year, and has a great bullpen behind him this year. Any pitcher who can shut down the Cuban WBC team should make short work of an Elm City Baseball squad. I actually have no intention of drafting Dice-K in the first round, but its sort of a convincing argument, right?

White Flash! Your ECB Keeper Preview

2009-01-23T10:28:00.008-05:00

Lost is gonna do it, folks. It's going to center the rest of the series around horribly contrived time travel storylines that make no scientific sense whatsoever even though they will go to great pains to try and explain them the exact way that a real scientist would. AND IT'S GOING TO ACTUALLY WORK! AWESOMELY! Thank god.

In that spirit, I hope everyone read all those juicy KFS blog entries from the past 7 months before the "island" "moved". They were really quite "something".

With another Compton title out of the CFA in the books and yet another season of SBL chugging along like the opposite of a train, it's clearly time to look ahead to the old ball game. About two months from now, at least 6 or 7 owners will convene at their computers instead of doing something awesome in person to put together their squadrons for the (believe it or not) 9th season of Elm City Baseball. In an effort to forget about Baron Davis, Rudy Gay, Chris Kaman, et the rest, let's take a refreshing glance at all 8 ECB teams' keeper situations.

ANAHEIM SQUATTERS
Mos def - David Wright, Jason Bay, Brandon Webb
Decision time - Derrek Lee, Magglio Ordonez, Alfonso Soriano
No Bob, no - Travis Hafner

A full season in the Sox lineup at Fenway should keep Bay in the hunt for top outfielder status, while Wright is a shoe-in at the thin but improving hot corner spot. Webb will no doubt anchor the Squatter staff all 21 regular season weeks, even if he is forced to play centerfield on opening day, falls into the swimming pool and is sucked into the drain thingy like that kid whose scarred torso was plastered all over CNN.com the other day with no warning. Thanks, trusted news organization!

Ordonez was a steady point producer last year in the wake of his off-the-charts 2007 season and will probably make the squad. The last spot should come down to a couple of North Siders in Lee and Soriano. With 2/3 of his outfield shored up, expect Bob to go with Derrek Lee at 1B.

Not at first base under any circumstances should be the awful Travis Hafner, who was given a second chance last year at this time after an anemic '07 and was somehow twice as bad. A non-protected Pronk might not be picked until the very late rounds, if at all.

Potential Keeper Grade - C-plus

BALTIMORE DEVIL JAYS
Mos def - Prince Fielder, Grady Sizemore, Matt Holliday
Decision time - Chipper Jones, Garrett Atkins, Adam Dunn, Michael Young
King of Pain - Felix Hernandez

Baltimore's big shakeup came last year, trading Evan Longoria and Johan Santana for Holliday and Hernandez. The ex-Jays are almost certain keepers on any team heading into '08, while only Holliday looks to make the new Jays roster. Joining the new Oakland A will most likely be the slugging Fielder and the all-around superstar Sizemore. All three players are likely candidates to top the 4 PPG mark and be the best at their positions.

On the fence for Grashow are a number of above average talents. Garrett Atkins has the least notoriety but probably the most upside here, due to his position and home park. Behind him are Jones and Dunn, both with major question marks. For the aging Chipper, can Baltimore get anything close to a repeat of 2008, only with more games played? For Dunn, it's where he'll end up playing. Michael Young is only included because he might be eligible at every IF position after the first month of the season and Baltimore just can't let go of him. In reality, he kind of blows now.

And what of Felix Hernandez, the tanatlizing righty on the worst team in the majors? When healthy, he's a near lock for 7+ innings and 8+ Ks every time out. But until we wise up and stop giving points for wins, Felix just isn't keeper material at this point. Unlike, say, Johan Santana. Trust me, Jon. This will be the most frustrating fantasy player you'll ever own. You will constantly try and trade him. And it won't never ever not work.

Potential Keeper Grade - B-minus

CHICAGO TIGER ARMY
Mos def - Ryan Howard, Justin Morneau, Carlos Quentin
Decision time - Lance Berkman, Carlos Beltran, Jay Bruce, Hunter Pence, Cole Hamels, Carlos Zambrano
I'd Do It - Chris Davis

Bonus points for 2007 Package Series Champion Owner Steve Adler (the Marisa Tomei/Mira Sorvino of KFS) and JB for making, gasp, an OFFSEASON TRADE! Unfortunately for young Steven, this one looks one-sided as all getout. And believe me, I know from one-sided trades involving unwanted pinstripers. Where Mark Teixiera once stood is now occupied by Carlos Quentin, and so even if nobody in the world will expect Quentin to duplicate his surprising 2008 stats, Adler pretty much has to keep him. He's probably among Chicago's top 5 players, so it's not terribly egregious. But at a glance, this has the potential to backfire.

By the way, Angel Berroa's on the Yankees now. Full. Circle

On the other hand, the Tiger Army is still loaded at first base, with Howard and Morneau locks to stick with the team and 1B-eligible Lance Berkman also in the running. The other candidates at the plate are all outfielders, in the young Jay Bruce and Hunter Pence and the steady Carlos Beltran. Pence suffered through a bit of a sophomore slump last season. And he doesn't play for the Reds, who are Emily's favorite team, and we all know Emily runs the show. Also, his last name isn't freaking BRUCE. So fuck him.

With at most one spot remaining, Adler may have his choice of fireballers on the mound. Philly hero Cole Hamels is probably a safer choice than the up-and-down Zambrano. Here's my prediction: He'll go with zzzzzzzzz.....

Sorry, fell asleep there talking about Adler's team. Happens to everyone. That was in no way a tip of the hat in Zambrano's direction.

Potential Keeper Grade - B-

MARSHALL STREET MENACE
Mos def - Joe Mauer, C.C. Sabathia
Decision time - Dustin Pedroia, Ian Kinsler, Carlos Lee, Brad Hawpe, Jake Peavy
Seriously, get out of the league - Derek Jeter

Here's a team that needs to draft really well at the top this year. The Menace appear to have the most holes heading into the season, with no true hitting superstars to speak of. Joe Mauer was the lone survivor to emerge from the Great Catcher Hoarding of 2008, and he will undoubtedly be carried over into 2009. Sure it'll be 2 or 3 years before he gets to Boston or New York so that his stats can really take off. But in the meantime, this is a guaranteed 2.5-4.0 PPG. Book it.

The rest of the hitters are tough to predict. The two most consistent bats all year long were Pedroia and Kinsler. Will their shared position split them apart, or does keeping them both make even more sense due to 2B scarcity? Yes. One of those. Two outfielders will also vie for a spot on the team in El Caballo and El Hawpemeister. -Ooski. -Von Hawpe. -ernator. Seeing no Rockies experts in our midst, I vote Carlos Lee.

One interesting option Watterson has is on the mound, where stone cold lock Sabathia could be paired with Jake Peavy to form the league's best pitching duo before the draft. If Peavy stays in San Diego, his ceiling remains as high as any ace in the game and Marshall St. could roll out an automatic 40-50 points per week with those two players.

OR! Minka Kelly's boyfriend could play shortstop once again and rule us all. With the addition of Range Factor well down our ECB priority list, this is totally plausible.

Potential Keeper Grade - C

MILE HIGH MACKEREL (DEFENDING CHAMPS)
Mos def - Mark Teixeira, Hanley Ramirez, Tim Lincecum
Decision time - Adrian Gonzalez, Dan Uggla, Jimmy Rollins, Nick Markakis, Roy Halladay
Dead? - Vlad Guerrero

Now we're talking. While the strength of the 2008 Macks was their pitching rotation, they have plenty of power at the dish to contend again regardless of how the draft falls. Teixeira comes to Denver with career-year potential at the not-as-deep-as-it-used-to-be 1B slot. Ramirez is the top SS on most draft boards and could always add OF eligibility at some point in the near future.

Joining them will most likely be another SS in Jimmy Rollins, giving Mile High flexibility up the middle. Rollins' potential probably lies somewhere in between his MVP season of 2 years ago and last year's up-and-down campaign. From there, JB can choose to sew up all 3 MI slots before the draft even starts by retaining Dan Uggla, the quietly productive fantasy 2B. I recently read on of those cherry-picker type stats where the list of all the second basemen in MLB history to score at least 104 runs, hit at least 24 home runs, and drive in at least 88.235 RBIs in each of his first three seasons looks like this:

1. Dan Uggla

All this in a division littered with crappy hitters parks. He's a darkhorse still, but don't be shocked. Other options include other underrated superstars Nick Markakis and Adrian Gonzalez, the batting film of whom JB undoubtedly watches as he falls asleep every night.

On the mound, I expect the insanely cool Lincecum to be the keeper choice here. Roy Halladay is a bygawdhoss, but Timmay's strikeout potential gives him the slight edge. He may, in fact, strike out 28 Diamondbacks in one game this year. 31 if Adam Dunn comes back.

And we haven't even discussed Guerrero, who's pretty much the team mascot at this point. His downward trend makes him expendable, even if you can still count on solid stats, as everyone in our league loves to draft for upside only. Suckers.

Potential Keeper Grade - B-plus

NEW HAVEN TRAFFIC CONES
Mos def - Kevin Youkilis, Carlos Pena, Carl Crawford, Brian McCann, Aramis Ramirez, Ichiro
Decision time - Wait, that list goes here
This would be way funner - Jonathan Papelbon. Just Jonathan Papelbon.

Did someone say rebuilding time? The list of potential keepers for Jeff's T-Cones reads like the list of players up for fan voting into the last roster spot of the All-Star team. They're good. Above average, even. But there's no fantasy stud to speak of. Scarily enough, Youkilis was the closest thing in '08, putting up Teixeria-like numbers (Random comparison there. No reason for it whatsoever. No sir.) and challenging for the top spot among 1Bs all season long. He's probably the safest bet. Pena and Crawford come next, as the Tampa Bay lineup will provide plenty of scoring opportunities. Yikes. Did that just happen?

The time of Ichiro has probably passed, as it's now clear that he cannot "hit a home run whenever he wanted to - he just doesn't want to". I mean, really. He should want to. WANT TOOOOO! Sorry. I'm thinking Brian McCann might make the squad. He'd be one of my picks and here would be my reasoning:

"Good, now I don't have to prerank catchers."

So yeah, throw these guys in a hat and pick 5 names. And if it comes out with 5 closers, well, that may not be the worst thing in the world. Jeff would only then have to draft 5 more before actually looking at a hitter or two.

Potential Keeper Grade - D-plus

SPEEDWAY STARWIPES
Mos def - I'm not telling you shit. I learned from the Patriots that secrecy is the first step to success.
Decision time - What did I just say?
OK, fine - Miguel Cabrera, Chase Utley, Evan Longoria, Ryan Braun, Johan Santana

Let's just not draft this year. Play with what you got.

Potential Keeper Grade (before Utley starts playing) - A
Potential Keeper Grade (when Utley returns) - Z-minus (on a looping alphabet curve)

WOOSTA PIMP ROOSTAS
Mos def - Albert Pujols, Jose Reyes, Alex Rodriguez,
Decision time - Manny Ramirez, David Ortiz, BJ Upton, Josh Hamilton
Show some sack! - Ryan Ludwick, Geovany Soto

Could it be? Only one first baseman on the Pimp Rooster keeper list? The decisions made here could impact the first round of the draft more than any other team, with KFS favorites Ramirez and Ortiz twisting in the wind. The prediciton here is that Manny stays, no matter what MLB team he ends up with. He will then grow a beard. On his foot or something. BECAUSE HE'S A CRAZY RETARDWHO CAN HIT!

The first-string Woosta infield is practically set, with Pujols, Reyes, and A-Rod back for their 58th consecutive tour of duty, and 2B BJ Upton another strong possibility. From there, it's a tough choice for Rich between the lovable teddy bear, the Large Father, the Dominican Daddy, the David Ortiz... and that guy who did drugs and did really well for half a season in an awesome hitters park. Not sure where I lean on this one.

But come on, Rice. Mix it up. You've got the next Mike Piazza behind the plate in Soto. You could keep him and not worry about when to draft Josh Bard. Or how about Ryan Ludwick? He gets every single point that Pujols gets. That's like Warner to Holt!

Ah screw it, you're going to luck into every right decision for the first 10 rounds of the draft anyway. Don't even keep anyone. That's your last KFS frontier, really. I mean Christ. DeAngelo Williams?

Potential Keeper Grade - B-plus

Don't Sweep

2008-06-10T12:48:00.005-05:00

Would you believe that no Boston sports team has won a championship in nearly 8 months? Since the end of last October, the professional sports entries from Beantown are an embarrassing 0-3 in title opportunities. Of course, this includes the heartbreaking runner-up finish out of the boys from Gillette. Fuck you, Houston Dynamo.

But beyond all that, the last time New Englanders got to watch their team celebrate on home courtfieldicepitch? A little year I like to call "1986". As mind-numbingly awesome as 10/27/04 was, imagine the comebacker to Foulke happening at Fenway. So it is with that bit of selfishness that I say to the men in green:

Slow your roll. Yep, I'm hoping the Boston Celtics lose 2 of the next 3 games to the Los Angeles Lakers. This is today's Boston sports fan. Wha' happen?!?

The tricky part, of course, is figuring out which game I'd like to see them win to minimize any heart palpitations that may occur. A Game 3 win would virtually ensure banner seventeen, but I fear the Lakers would then fold their tents like Dan Aykroyd's family in The Great Outdoors. Waiting until Game 5 would give them momentum heading home, but I (meaning we (meaning the team I obviously belong to)) wouldn't want a 2-2 series.

So Game 4 it is. Take the loss tonight. Maybe waste a couple hard fouls on the Kobester and leave him bruised for Thursday. Hell, it shouldn't be too hard. I'm pretty sure Jerry West will be referring tonight's contest. Yeah, I'm totally comfortable with this plan. There will be no Celtic rooting in the Friedman household tonight. You hear me, kid?

In other news, it's been far too long since we've gotten together. The summer days have me nostalgic for post-long day at the west keene shopping center-hijinks. This is clearly mostly my fault, and I do apologize. But if you'd all like to dadnap me for a week of Wiffle, video games, ice cream sandwiches, Beastie Boys, and NAN MORE DIAPERS? T'would be appreciated.

Relatedly, Cameron is almost positively right-handed. There goes my retirement palace.

Great Moments In Denver Sports History

2008-05-06T12:37:00.013-05:00

I'm not the biggest Denver sports fan in the world. I have adopted the Rockies as my baseball team and have been following them closely since I moved here over five years ago, but I don't see myself getting that into the Broncos, Avs, or Nuggs. That being said, the last two weeks have been absolutely brutal for fans of the local Denver franchises. Nuggets? Embarassed by the Lakers in four games that were not even close. Avs? Won a playoff series at home, but proceeded to get embarassed by the Red Wings even worse than the Nuggets were by the Lakers. Rockies? Lost their franchise shortstop (who was hitting sub-.200) until at least the all-star break... and they have the worst record in baseball (tied as of this posting). Broncos? The night the Avs got swept by the rival Red Wings it didn't lead the sports news. What did? The announcement that Broncos QB Jay Cutler has Type-1 diabetes. It got me thinking of other headlines local sports fans can probably expect in the next month or so:
Boulder - "Ralphie Set Free By PETA, Killed By Dump Truck"
Colorado Springs - "US To Ramp Up Airstrikes In Iraq, Entire AFA Football Team Deployed"
Denver - "Drunken Elway Falls From Booth At Crush Game, Dies"
Fort Collins - "CSU Accepts Offer To Join Pac-10"
Commerce City - "Lucha Libre Outdraws Rapids At Dick's"

I think that last one actually happened.

KFS Inside Look

2008-05-05T17:59:00.004-05:00

This week, we take a peek into the Mile High Mackerel clubhouse just before the start of their Week 6 match-up with the Chicago Tiger Army...

Click on the photo for an enlarged version.

Thanks Red Sox Fans

2008-04-23T10:23:00.002-05:00

For giving me yet another reason to be thankful that I'm not one of you.

ECB Time Machine

2008-04-21T11:34:00.002-05:00

March 1, 2008

The Speedway Starwipes and Chicago Tiger Army have completed a historic deal in which each team will agree to hang on to the players they should and not really bother so much with the trading and the swapping and the whatnot.

Per the terms of the deal, Speedway will keep Jake Peavy and Magglio Ordonez, who will be very good in 2008 and dump Troy Tulowitzki and Mark Teixiera, who will most likely suck in April.

In exchange, Chicago has agreed to retain Manny Ramirez and Felix Hernandez and not pay any attention to Hunter Pence. He will undoubtedly blow.

Elsewhere around the league, Conor Jackson and Brian Bannister were scouted by nobody during Spring Training action today.

ECB 2008: Week 2 Recap

2008-04-15T12:27:00.006-05:00

Starwipes 343 / Traffic Cones 403.5
Recap: GMs around the league are still waiting for Carlos Pena and Eric Byrnes to revert back to their 2006 selves. Unfortunately for the Speedway Starwipes, that hasn't happened yet. Pena and Byrnes put up a combined 73 points and helped the Cones roll the Wipes. The loss dropped Frieds' squad to 8-10 on the year. Frieds' Wipes are near the bottom of the league in scoring, but he expects the entire roster to pick it up or be cut for 19 year-olds in the coming weeks. As for New Haven, they continue to mash bumping their league-leading hitting average to 269 points-per-week.

Looking Ahead: Coming off his first victory of the season, Ffej is looking to continue his winning ways against Week 1's high-scorers, the Marshall Street Menace. Coming off his first loss of the season, Frieds' is looking to halt his losing ways against the overall high-scorers, the Mile High Mackerel.

Squatters 351.3 / Devil Jays 442.8
Recap: "We refuse/accept to be in last place!" was the chant heard outside the Squats/D-Jays game in Week 2. Baltimore whacked L.A. of A to the tune of a 91.5 point margin and a 7-2 victory. To boot, the D-Jays took home Team O' The Week honors edging the Mackerel by less than 3 points. It was a well-rounded effort from the Devil Jays who were led by Pat Burrell (37 points) and Brian Bannister (53.5). A frightening thought for the rest of the league is that Prince Fielder still has as many home runs in 2008 as Barry Bonds. The Squatters are reeling, having won only 5 games in the first two weeks. They need to get more production out of the likes of Robinson Cano, Magglio Ordonez, and Russell Martin if they are to compete in the coming weeks.
Looking Ahead: Grashow's Jays take their high scorers banner to Woosta this week, where they already have a few of those. What Woosta also has in a struggling Big Papi and a few two-start pitchers who are already on their way to the guillotine. Bob looks for a W in Chicago this week, but Adler will probably be having none of that.

Menace 281.2 / Mackerel 440
Recap: Ouch.

Looking Ahead: I'm not sure about much in life, but I'm pretty sure my boyz-in-teal (and my fantasy managerial prowess) peaked in Week 2 of the season. That being said, and with Joe Borowski already guaranteed negative points in Week 3, I don't like my chances against Frieds. Watts and His Travelling Band of Catchers take on Ffej and His Merry Closers in a Week 3 match up that could prove to be a turning point for both teams.

Tiger Army 363.2 / Pimp Roostas 339.4

Recap: Lance Berkman Lance Berkman Lance Berkman. Lance Berkman, Lance Berkman. Lance Berkman Lance Berkman Lance Berkman Lance Berkman Lance Berkman. Lance Berkman. Lance Berkman, Lance Berkman Lance Berkman Lance Berkman Lance Berkman.

Lance Berkman Lance Berkman.

Looking Ahead: Lance Berkman and the Tiger Army take on the Squatters next week, and I'm sure Adler has absolutely nothing to worry about. In fact, I will 110% guarantee victory! Rich Rice and The Pimps (I want royalties if you choose this for a band name, Mr. Gallup), find themselves a .500 ball club at the moment, but are near the top of the league in total points. They look to start annihilating teams very soon, starting with Baltimore in Week 3.

2008 Awards... after 2 weeks.

2008-04-14T19:04:00.002-05:00

League MVP - Jason Isringhausen of the New Haven Traffic Cones

Yeah, a closer. Look at the numbers. This guys is producing amazing stats and has helped Jeff lock up the 2 seed. Could this finally be the year (and sport?) that Jeff breaks through and wins that elusive KFS title?

Draft Steal - Raul Ibanez of the Marshall St Menace

Yep, Mr Irrelevant. Has 3 HR's and 7 RBI's in the last three days. This is the kind of pick that Watts is banking on to turn his franchise around... which is exactly why he now plays for Woosta.

Best Pickup - Evan Longoria of the Baltimore Devil Rays

I've been reading articles and apparently Baltimore's conquest is now assured. Most of these articles are guaranteeing that whoever has Longoria is a lock to win this year. I don't know about the rest of you, but I'm not gonna waste my time on a league that somebody has already won. Grashow was so proud of this move that he has done it twice this year.

Draft Bust - Russell Martin of the Speedway Starwipes

Luckily GM Friedman forsaw the amazing levels of suckitude that await the owner of Russell Martin this year and has quickly fixed his mistake by trading him for the privelege of having Scott Kazmir take up one of his DL spots.

Worst Keeper - David Ortiz of the Woosta Pimp Roostas

Hard to understand what GM Rich Gallup was thinking in keeping Big Papi. His Mo Vaughn-esque physique has CLEARLY caught up with him and Rich will be lucky to get any production from this spot.

Rookie of the Year - Geovany Soto of the Woosta Pimp Roostas

How good is Mr. Soto? Well, to this point GM Rich Gallup has had only ONE catcher. Yeah that's right.

Package Series MVP - Evan Longoria of the Baltimore Devil Jays

As I said, I have read many articles and this is what experts are saying. Who am I to argue with experts? E-X-P-E-R-T-S!!!

I'm Going To Hell

2008-04-14T16:45:00.002-05:00

From Yahoo:

Apr 14 RHP Joe Borowski's 47 career saves with the Indians ranks seventh on
the club's all-time list, one behind Steve Olin.

... he needs just two more saves to pull a HEAD of Olin.

Somebody Add This Clown: Gary Matthews Jr.

2008-04-08T19:54:00.011-05:00

A new column that all are welcome to add to... Basically an attempt to get anyone to bite on a player that your mouse hovers on daily.

As of today Matthews is the third highest scoring available position player behind Christian Guzman and Scott Hairston who aren't as tall as I am when one of them is standing on the other's shoulders (Yahoo says they're both 6-0, that's a load of crap). Matthews is hitting between Chone Figgins and Vlad Guerrero in the Angels lineup which means he should see a lot of RBI and run scoring opportunities. And let us not forget his 'roid enhanced 2006 campaign in which he scored 556 ECB points. Somebody add this clown.

Boy of Summer

2008-04-08T15:08:00.003-05:00

I promise not to do this too often but today's a holiday, right?

ECB 2008: Week 1 Recap

2008-04-07T12:44:00.009-05:00

Some quick hits about the week that was in ECB...

Squatters 345 / Mackerel 396.7

Recap: Mile High took it's opening series thanks mostly to heroic pitching efforts from Roy Halladay and Ben Sheets on Sunday afternoon. Going into the day, it looked like the Mackerel were in trouble, but the Fish put up 130 points which gave them the second highest score of the week. Mile High was helped by a poor hitting performance by L.A., the only team in the league to finish the week without scoring 200 points.

Looking Ahead: I get to eat crow or rub it in after Week 2 as my Mackerel take their 7-week regular-season win streak against Week 1's highest scoring team, the surprising (at least to me) Marshall St. Menace. Bob moves on to play Baltimore in an early season battle for last place.

Starwipes 375.7 / Tiger Army 368.7

Recap: The Curse Of Mark Teixeira will have to wait a few more weeks to wreak havoc on the Starwipes as they were able to take the opening series from the team with which they caused so much quasi-controversy before the season began. Led by Hitter O' The Week Chase Utley (39 points), the Wipes' hitters were able to carry the load as the pitching staff put up a less-than-impressive 118.2 points. Adler's Army has yet to get going with the sticks as they finished ahead of only L.A. in offensive points.

Looking Ahead: Frieds will look to build on his opening win when his squad takes on Ffej's Traffic Cones. It could turn out to be a slug-fest as Speedway and New Haven finished 1-2 in offensive points in Week 1. Adler will look to turn things around against the team he loves to hate, Woosta.

Traffic Cones 364.2 / Pimp Roostas 383.7

Recap: Ffej's T-Cones kept it just close enough against the Pimp Roostas to hold Rich's squad to a 5-4 victory. The Roostas didn't wow offensively, but got the job done on the bump as they put up the third highest pitching total of the week which more than made up for the 29 points they were outscored offensively. Still, once the struggles of David Ortiz and Manny Ramirez dissipate, this team should have no problems scoring points on the offensive end. Chad Cordero and Erik Bedard having health issues could have been the difference in this series for Ffej, so this 4-5 loss could be chalked up to bad luck depending on how much you like Rich's team.

Looking Ahead: Round 1 of The Battle For Who Loves The Red Sox More takes place in Week 2 as Rich's Roostas take on Adler's Army. An early peek shows that Rich will probably have 4 2-start pitchers against only 2 for Adler... We'll see if quantity wins over quality a week from now. The T-Cones take on Frieds' Baby Wipes in a match-up that's got NASCAR references written all over it for next week's recap.

Devil Jays 347.2 / Menace 404.3

Recap: In the surprise of the week (did I already say that?), Watts' Menace hung an Atlanta area code on Grashow's Devil Jays (DosBot is dead). Looking ahead to Week 2, Jake Peavy peed on Ben Sheets' 56.2 points by dropping 63.5 points of his own and taking home the Pitcher O' The Week award. If Week 1 is any indication, Watts' pitching will be the strongest part of his team. The Devil Jays got the worst of the Week 1 DL bug as they had to put J.J. Putz and Pedro Martinez on the shelf, but they had to be encouraged by the numbers put up by Rick Ankiel, Alex Rios, and Justin Upton (32, 28, and 25 points respectively).

Looking Ahead: As previously stated, Watts and I are going toe-to-toe in Week 2 in the second installment of the Who's The Better Jon Series; Watts has the early lead by taking out Grashow, but Class of '98 has not yet begun to fight. Grashow's squad looks to rebound against the Squatters who also took a tough Week 1 loss against the Mackerel.

You Can't Make Up Names Like This

2008-04-07T11:54:00.006-05:00

This little blurb and accompanying photo come to us from Monday's Keene Sentinel - your one-stop shop for over-the-top Blackbird pride, recognizable names in the police report, and the latest in any and all news related to Chinese modes of transportation.

"And I reeead"...

Rich Rice, of Keene, riding in back, gets peddled around town by his son Justin on Saturday as Rich tries out the homemade "rickshaw" he bought from a friend. He hopes to offer rides to pedestrians along Keene's bike path starting soon he said. He won't charge in the beginning but sees it as a potential source of income if there is interest.

Rich Rice? Driving a Rick-shaw? Come on now.

A. That looks like Chabot circa 1999.
B. Rich Rice plays on the wing for the NHL '95 Bruins, or enters battle royales in WCW-NWO Revenge. He does not pull probable Athens Pizza employees around the Elm City in a damn carriage.
C. What the fuck do I have to do to win a fantasy basketball title?

Wait, what were we talking about?

I Heart Silver Trophies

2008-03-27T08:20:00.005-05:00

From ESPN's Fantasy Basketball coverage:

Roy was hurt at the end of the first quarter in Portland's win over Washington. The All-Star guard strained his right groin attempting to block Caron Butler's buzzer-beating attempt. He returned briefly in the second quarter, but he aggravated the injury and soon left for good. Afterward, Blazers coach Nate McMillan told The Oregonian: "That injury could be awhile." The paper pointed out that groin injuries can take a month to heal.

With that, set your coffee safely away from your keyboard, and let me say it: Roy's season might be over.

And thennnn???

As for Turkoglu, he fell on his right wrist during Orlando's loss to San Antonio. As with Roy, Turkoglu's injury occurred at the end of the first quarter, and, after trying to play with it, he left for good early in the second. Turkoglu, a fantasy gem uncovered at the tail end of many drafts this season, will have an MRI on Wednesday.

"I'm crossing my fingers," he told the Orlando Sentinel. "I just fell on it. I hope it's just a sprain. I hope it's not something like it was broken and keeps me away."

There's still a little snow on our lawn. The flowers haven't poked through the ground yet. And the only real baseball game was played in a Japanese egg. Fret not, though. Clearly, spring is here.

Fun With Superlatives

2008-03-25T06:31:00.004-05:00

Team most likely to

...repeat as champions: Chicago Tiger Army
There is a much higher degree of difficulty for everyone else this season.

...lead the league in steals: New Haven T-Cones
This team is fast. Not as fast as Michael Johnson (or someone more current), but fast.

...lead the league in saves: New Have T-Cones
Ffej has assembled the usual cast of closers... this time with Papelbon power.

...lead the league in homers: Woosta Pimp Roostas
I like to collect power hitters... Rich does it better and has been doing so for years.

...draft his own son: Speedway Starwipes
Two reasons... first, he's always the first one to the rookies. Secondly, given that he has one he has a distinct advantage.

...have two catchers on MLB All Star teams: Marshall Street Menace
Well, he kept two catchers. He had to get something for that. I drafted one once... just not this year.

...lead the league in CG's (thereby angering Watts): LA Squatters of Anaheim
Webb + Harang + Lackey (when back) = LOCK for this category.

...recieve trade offers from Speedway and Baltimore: Mile High Mackeral
Having Tim Lincecum will do that for you.

...recieve the most production from the MI position: Mile High Mackeral
Last years draft continues to pay dividends.

...challenge Speedway's supremacy for picking up younger players: Baltimore Devil Jays
Longoria, Upton, and Butler form the 2008 all star cast at the beginning of this year. Taking over the place of Alex Gordon.

...have his entire pitching staff begin the season on the DL: Baltimore Devil Jays
Lidge, Ryan, and Smoltz are already there (or will be soon).

...use at least 5 catchers this year: TIE Woosta and Chicago
Rich has very short patience with catchers, and I will begin the season with Bengie Molina (enough said).

...go the entire year without a Red Sox on their roster: TIE Baltimore and Chicago
Amazingly neither of these teams has one on their roster... oh wait, Julio Lugo's available... gotta go.

2008 ECB Draft: A Retrospective

2008-03-24T13:57:00.013-05:00

Another ECB draft is in the books and clearly everyone wants to know what JB thinks about it. First of all, I would like to express my extreme regret for my tardiness on Sunday, but god damn, apparently a dude's gotta be ready and chatting at least 25 minutes before the start of the keeper rounds to prove he's still alive, otherwise his cellie runs out of memory from all the texts and voicemail he receives. I've drafted before, boys. I know where the pre-rank button is. And if you must know, I was playing tennis, didn't draft from my own computer, and still had a better draft than Watts. What. Okay, on to the round-up.

The 2008 cast of keepers was a pretty solid group, but as always, some keepers' sole job was to remind their owners not to repeat their bad-to-fuckin'-terrible 2007 draft. We all love to jack with Yahoo!'s ADPs by picking sure-fire keepers like David Wright and Carlos Lee well before they would be taken in an average Yahoo! draft, but some players had no business being drafted in the Top 40. I guess what I'm trying to say is, in my opinion, the 2008 ECB draft was very important for New Haven and Marshall Street.

Watts led off the draft with a surprisingly strong pick in Jake Peavy. I'm too lazy to do the research, but I remember back when Watts' teams were better than average they had formidable pitching. It seemed like he was going to try to re-establish that persona until his third pick came around (Huston Street). Ffej literally had me thinking that someone had fucked up the keeper rounds when he took Brandon Phillips. I'm not sure what his thinking was there, but Phillips wasn't anywhere on my radar for the first few rounds. The rest of the first round went pretty true to form. Sitting in the eighth slot, I wasn't expecting guys like Magglio Ordonez, Manny Ramirez, and Justin Morneau to get to me. I kind of enjoy drafting at the end of the line because a lot of the decisions are made for me by the rest of the league. I was debating on whether I should take Alex Rios or my eventual pick of Nick Markakis. When Grashow took Rios, I got to spend the next three minutes pining over Vernon Wells.

My reasoning for taking Wells? He's usually on Rich's team. Speaking of Colonel Rice, he had a very Pimpy draft. In fact, almost every team in the league seemed to draft guys that fit the persona of their team. Half-crazies like Manny, K-Rod, and Rickie Weeks wound up in Woosta. Young'ns Alex Gordon, Jeff Francoeur, and Matt Cain went to the Wipes. Adler kept things in Chi-town with Paul Konerko, Carlos Zambrano, and Bobby Jenks. Personally, I look at my roster and seen n'an guys that make me think "why did I draft that douchebag?" Can the same be said for Watts when he sees Joakim Soria? I leave that to him.

Some picks I loved...

Ryan Garko (Speedway, Round 22) - For some reason I got to see a lot of Garko games last year towards the end of the season. I think with a healthy and productive Hafner in front of him, Garko could put up some big power numbers. A good pick by Frieds as Garko would not have made it back to him in Round 23.
J.J. Putz (Baltimore, Round 8) - Had he not finished 2007 on Adler's team, there's a good chance he would have been a keeper somewhere else.
Brad Penny (Chicago, Round 17) - This dude carried my pitching staff last year, so I'm not sure why I let him slip this far. I have no problem with him playing in Chicago though, Penny would probably be 8-Ball's favorite player if he knew who Penny was.

... and some I thought were... well... bad.

Brian McCann (Keeper, Marshall Street) - I still don't get why Watts needed to keep two catchers. I realize McCann scored only two less points than Melky Cabrera last year, but with only one C-spot to fill, questionable health for all catchers, and Joe Mauer already in tow, I think Watts should have kept a guy like Chris Young (the hitter) and let someone else have McCann. I just think it would have been a more efficient roster move. But that's just me...
Chone Figgins (Round 11, New Haven) - I'm never going to like small-ball guys in this league. Never ever. "But JB, your team led ECB in Offense and steals last year, what are you talking about?" Shut up.
John Lackey (Round 12, LA of A) - Sorry Bob, but I have a bad feeling that Lackey's going to put up B.J. Ryan-esque numbers this year.

So if no one were to make any moves all year, who do I think would win? Hell if I know, but I'll tell you who I think will join me in the playoffs...

Chicago Tiger Army. Adler's hitting his stride with this league and he won the Frieds lottery this year. It'll be tough to screw up that lineup, but it's been done before.
Woosta Pimp Roostas. I'd be a fool to think that a team with Pujols, A-Rod, and Papi would miss the playoffs two years in a row.
Los Angeles Squatters of Anaheim. I don't think I'm the only owner who would like to see Bob's team make the playoffs. This team was really bad for years and Bob has stuck to his guns and put a lot of work into turning the franchise around.

I Got a Fevah

2008-03-20T09:31:00.008-05:00

Actually, I don't. No calling in sick today, folks. I'm legitimately home sans guilty conscience and plan to watch copious amounts of West Wing Season 5. Man, that John Goodman is a fat mess. Oh and also, the NCAA Division I Men's Basketball Tournament kicks off today. Between now and MLB Opening Day, late March fucking rules.

I think the last time I got to watch the afternoon tourney action without feigning illness was back in 7th grade, when renowned middle school health teacher Mr. Sweeney wheeled the ol' TV cart into that dungeon classroom and "made" us all watch. That's the kind of teacher I'd want to be. Except I wouldn't want to have to talk about genitalia on the side.

Anyway, it feels like we've been in a buzzer-beater drought for the last few years. We've had enough Cinderellas, I suppose, but I'd rather see all the favorites advance if it meant their games came down to the last shot. This especially holds true in the Denver region, where I expect an interpid blogger to be filing reports. Why Denver? Gus.

In fantasy news, some of the KFSers are back in the deep end of the tournament pool - I believe young Daniel took home the gold in '07. There appear to be a few pitfalls in this year's bracket - the Drake-Butler trap, the "pick-all-the-2-seeds" trap, and the dreaded "pick-American-or-you're not-patriotic" trap. Well I'm not falling for any of those, no sir. I'm sticking with the chalk. And Siena. And St. Mary's. And Washington State. But certainly not Vermont. They can't make free throws.

Keeper Numberology

2008-03-19T10:53:00.010-05:00

All of these preview posts (and the impending draft) got me thinking about keepers, so I went back to 2007 and calculated the point totals for last season's keepers:

For those of you who aren't into statistics, the +- entries are the standard deviations. A large standard deviation indicates a lot of variability in the scores. For instance, in the case of BDJ, the score of Chris Carpenter (5) is very different from the average score (506), resulting in the large standard deviation (281). Small standard deviations, like that for MHI (27) indicate that all of the players scores are pretty close to the team average.

The first thing that jumped out at me was that the keepers taken in the first round averaged a score of only 491, by far the lowest of any keeper round. I attributed this to savvy KFS players trying to sabotage the Yahoo! Average Draft Position (ADP) rankings in combination with Chris Carpenters elbow. The overall average score for all keepers was 546 points, which was significantly lower than I would have guessed. Of course, after the scores of 2007 Worst Keeper candidates Chris Carpenter and BJ Ryan were removed, the average scores increased to a more respectable 574. These two ultimate keeper busts were both pitchers, but out of the other pitchers kept (Johan Santana(625), Jake Peavy(717), Brandon Webb(627), and Joe Nathan(548)) only Nathan didn't significantly outpace the average keeper score of 546 (or even the average with outliers removed, 574). I took this to indicate that keeping pitchers tends to be a high risk/high reward proposition.

As we should have expected, the highest team average keeper score went to Woosta (655), but Speedway wasn't too far behind 628). Interestingly, 2007 champions, CTA, were in the lower half of the list (5th place, 558 average), suggesting that the draft, a lucky schedule, and a hot streak around playoff time can more than make up for poor keeper performance. The relatively poor average keeper scores for the other 3 basement dwellers (BDJ, MST, and NHT) can be linked to injuries and/or lack of power hitters. I guess the old saying: "Chicks and KFS dig the longball," seems to hold true.

3 Hours With the Celtics, the Rockets, and a Baby on My Lap

2008-03-18T20:08:00.014-05:00

What, you were expecting a play-on-words headline? Yeah, that particular gene has been temporarily disabled.

I'm gonna do something crazy here to mark the return of the wildly underrated KFS blog. I'm gonna watch a basketball game and comment on it in real time. To my knowledge, this has never been done on the internet. Thinking of calling it "Jogging Journal" or "Now to Now Blogging."

THE SETUP

For those of you reading this 5 years from now after clicking on "Archives", printing this out, and sitting on your toilets (which have a much higher flushing capacity and come with Cottonelle Wipes dispensers and a pop-up HDTV), here's a little background for tonight's action:

In a league that has been perennially criticized for featuring the most god-awful slow regular season in sports, the '07-'08 NBA campaign has seen more twists and turns than the Suzuki track on Pole Position (really, I'm doing this once per paragraph. Bite me). More importantly, the number of legitimately great players is at an all-time high and scoring and free-flowing play is on the way back. Now, add in the fact that the C's have a shot to bring glory back to one of the league's cornerstone franchises, and that the Rockets are currently riding a 22-game winning streak, and by golly, people are talking about an NBA game in March.

PREGAME

Well, I already royally f'ed this up, as the game isn't even on CSN (nee Fox Sports New England, nee SportsChannel, nee Prism). I was counting on half my material coming from Tommy Heinsohn. Instead, CSN is handling the pregame show only, before handing it off to TNT. Hopefully, this means some Sir Charles goodness will fill the void.

9:02 - From the studio, Tommy says that the Rockets have benefitted greatly from the resurgence of Dikembe Mutombo. Well, actually he said "Dicumby Matembo" the first 3 times before nailing it. Jameson Whiskey - it's what's for dinner.

9:11 - So, even though they aren't announcing the game, Mike Gorman, Donny Marshall, and Greg Dickerson are at the arena anyway doing some analysis. Of course, it wouldn't make any sense for them to be standing out on the court, so they happen to be back in the bowels of the stadium, standing under a stairwell or something. I'm pretty sure I just saw Mankind hit Golddust with a mophandle in the background.

9:27 - Tommy says goodbye by pretending to quickly scribble on the sheet of paper in front of him, newscaster-style. This guy actually did the play-by-play for road games back in the early 90s with only Bob Cousy to rein him in. This would have been when their away games were on Fox - "And now you've heard the word - FOX25 has got Bill, Bart, and Bird!" Memory is a weird mistress.

9:30 - Channel 764 brings us TNT in lovely high definition. Ernie, Chuck, and The Jet are in the studio.

9:35 - Ernie - "Charles, did you hear what Wolves GM Glen Taylor said about his team today?"
Charles - "We suck?"

9:40 - Kevin Harlan's doing the game! I either like this guy or hate him. Can't wait to remember which.

9:41 - Starting lineup graphics. If a production crew hands you a ball and tells you to ham around a little bit, how do you not palm the ball and hold it out in front of you? Even the Tim Duncan Robot does it.

THE GAME PROPER

9:42 - I love these green and gold uniforms. I do not love Tony Allen starting.

9:42:30 - Somebody stole the tap for Boston, so it's Rockets ball on the side. I'll take a poll when this is over to gauge public opinion, but I'm thinking I won't talk about every play. Pioneerin' ain't easy.

9:43 - Except now Rafer Alston and Rajon Rondo almost come to blows during the first stoppage. It would be so awesome if the two most clever PGs in the league got tossed and I spent the rest of the night sleeping through 178 iso sets.

9:47 - I noticed this during last night's game against the Spurs, too, but James Posey is so awesome on the bench. Every C's basket, he leaps out of his chair, sticks his chest out towards the crowd and nods his head. In a related story, Shane Battier just went through his jab series from the triple threat position.

9:51 - You're not going to believe this, but KG just grabbed two offensive boards and put one back, then ran up the court spewing about 43 varieties of the f-word to himself and anyone else within a 3-mile radius. But yeah, I totally miss Gerald Green.

9:55 - Should I be mentioning commercials?

9:59 - Boston officially means business - PJ Brown is getting 1st Q minutes. Unfortunately, he just got eaten alive by Dicumby, who gives the finger wag of doom and is still making his way upcourt as I type. See, this is exactly the kind of thing that sinks my NCAA brackets every year - now I'm thinking about how much I hate Georgetown and I'll have them going out in Round 2. If Battier plants a foot in Paul Pierce's nuts later, I won't know what to do.

10:07 - T-Mac gathers in a rebound, glides up the floor, effortlessly pulls up for what looks like an automatic three, and then, at that exact moment that awful Gwen Stefani song (nope, not that one. Nope. Ye...wait, no. There you go) gets pumped into the arena and McGrady bricks it. Just desserts, that.

10:09 - We made it to the end of the first quarter, people. This is going splendidly, I think. The inventor of the "live blog" would be proud. And I am. I have no idea what the score is, by the way.

10:13 - OK, now on the floor for the Rockets: Shane Battier, Luther Head, Bobby Jackson, Chuck Hayes, and something called a Mike Harris. Did I mention these guys haven't lost since the middle of January? And of course they're running the Celtics bench plus Pierce off the court right now. These are the times when, as a Celtics fan, you just have to remember that KG, Rondo, et al won't be resting for 20 minutes a game in the playoffs like they are now.

10:18 - Changing the channel for the first time - Syracuse barely beats Robert Morris in the first round of the NIT. Morris is now free to join the Rockets in time for the 4th quarter. Lurking on the other side of Syracuse's "region" is UMass. 1996 called. They want cell phone technology to hurry up and get here so that they can call from anywhere to say that those two teams were really good in 1996.

10:23 - One of Eddie House's tattoos says "E HOUSE", which is totally normal. But why is it written in Ye Olde English font? Is he Eddie House of the Kensington Houses?

10:30 - Mike Harris is apparently miked up for TNT, and they come back from break showing him fumbling the ball out of bounds and saying "my fault". Good to know that kind of thing isn't limited to midnight madness at the Y.

10:33 - If I told you one of the Rockets was hustling just a little too much, grabbing offensive rebounds, tripping over himself, and flopping on every drive, your first reaction should really be, "there's a white guy on the Rockets that comes from a country that loves soccer?" To make matters worse, I just remembered he's in my fantasy lineup this week and looks like the kind of player that the coaches specifically tell to not to shoot the ball under any circumstances. Maybe I won't score 1300 points for once.

10:42 - It's halftime, Cameron is sleeping soundly before 4AM for the first time in his life, and I've got the big couch all to myself. I think I better call this one early. Hey, not bad for our first time out. Baby steps, people.
Hey, there's my pun!

2008 Draft Preview: Speedway Starwipes

Let's open this up to something that is no longer just a KFS blog. Now we can talk about real sports and get into it with homers like these guys.

New names and slogans are welcomed. It took me all of 2 minutes to come up with the new name.

I'm also going to throw in some back-dated blogs of mine, just for shits.

Denver Sports Failures = Video Game Fun

2007-11-03T18:17:00.001-05:00

Part Deux:

There's Only One Sucktober!

2007-10-25T14:59:00.001-05:00

[Plugged In To: The Chemical Brothers / Surrender ]

I apologize for the continued sports themes of my latest entries, but sports tends to run my life for the last half October. I swear I'll get back to the juicy gossippy-type stuff in short order. But the Rockies are in The Series, so really what else is there to talk about?

Speaking of those purple-clad suckbags... What better reward for your community of loyal fans than to make them lose at least six hours of productivity over a two day period by staring at a screen that counts backwards from 120? What better reward? How about a 13-1 bitch slapping by the team that 99% of "experts" say will win The Series.

I was in the company of many Rockies fans while watching the game and I was still embarassed. Now I get to listen to my cellie blow up to the tune of the arrogant rants of all my Red Sox friends. Joy.

All that being said, I think they take Game 2 and things go back to normal.

Great Team, Poor Taste

2007-10-18T13:44:00.002-05:00

Over the past few weeks the Colorado Rockies have received many accolades due to their record setting run up to and thus far in the Major League Baseball playoffs. As a Rockies fan and someone who has watched this team closely all year, I feel it is my duty to point out a weakness that could lead to their downfall. The flaw is simple and it is glaring. The Rockies players' theme songs must be changed if we are to defeat the Indians/Red Sox in the World Series. It might not be easy for some players to hear, but like that time your mom made you change before you left for school with the "I HEART VANILLA ICE" shirt on, sometimes your loved ones are forced to stop you from making an ass out of yourself.

With that said, here are some songs that might make us look a little cooler on national TV. I'll also do my best to list what the Rockies are rockin' to presently...

Willy Taveras
Current Song: Unknown. Yeah by Usher was previously used.
JB Suggests: Suavemente by Elvis Crespo. First let me go on record by saying that I fucking hate this song. When I was at school, it was impossible to avoid it when out in public. However, Willy is big on merengue and he does play ball very suavemente. It's just too bad I couldn't find a good merengue song called "Rapido" or "Me Gusta Bunting."
Kaz Matsui
Current Song: It's Tricky by Run-DMC
JB Suggests: Keep it. It's amazing to me that a guy like Kaz would pick such a cool song as his intro music. In fact, I refuse to believe it. He probably brought over an import CD from Japan and it didn't work in the CD player at Coors Field, so they just picked something else for him. It definitely works though, no reason to change it.

Matt Holliday
Current Song: The Great Divide or similar song by Scott Stapp. Yes, that Scott Stapp.
JB Suggests: Holiday by Green Day. The Rockies actually used this song for a Holliday montage on the jumbotron last season and it totally kicked ass. I'm not sure of Holliday's political views, and perhaps the fact that it's an anti-GOP song would make him want to steer clear of it... If I were him I'd rather have a Bush-bashing song than one sung by a dude who enjoys having oral sex with Kid Rock in the room. Just a personal preference. Also a comment to all of you fans of big money teams out there: You don't really want a player on your team that like Scott Stapp, do you? That should knock his asking price down a little bit when he becomes a free agent, right? Can we keep him? Please?
Todd Helton
Current Song: Back In The Saddle by Aerosmith
JB Suggests: Rocky Mountain Way by Joe Walsh. At this point, trying to get Mr. Helton to break his vanilla ways is pretty much impossible. In fact, it seems that many Helton fans embrace the fact that he doesn't have much personality, at least not on the field or with the media. These are the same folks that were lobbying so hard for the Rox to choose Rocky Mountain Way for their playoff theme song. It seems like a good marriage. Helton still gets to have a song that's kind of lame and everyone who thinks it's cool will go nuts because Mr. Rockies chose it as his theme.
Garrett Atkins
Current Song: The Way I Are by Timbaland
JB Suggests: G.A.M.E. by The Chain Gang. A little vain, yes, but it works. It really fits the whole babysitter/golfer persona he's created for himself.
Brad Hawpe
Current Song: Rockstar by Nickelback
JB Suggests: Icky Thump by The White Stripes. For some reason I think Hawpe's song should always be the most current kick-ass rock song on the radio. Right now that's got to be the catchy title track of Jack White's new record.
Troy Tulowitzki
Current Song: I'm A Flirt by R. Kelly
JB Suggests: It Takes Two by Rob Base and/or Points Of Authority/99 Problems by Linkin Park & Jay-Z. I think I remember Tulow saying that he's a big Jigga fan. I know all the squares in Denver would be covering their virgin ears when the words "if you got girl problems, I feel bad for you son. I got 99 problems but a bitch ain't one," came over the P.A., but that's the price one must be willing to pay if you want dudes from the trendy coastal states. Honestly, I don't think Tulow even has 9 problems, but of those he does have, I'm sure "a bitch" isn't one of them. I can see him rockin' out to this song in the clubhouse before games. The safer bet for the Coors Conservatives would be the house party staple It Takes Two by Rob Base & DJ E-Z Rock. "Tu"low... he wears the number two. That's the kind of subtlety Rockies fans love.
Yorvit Torrealba
Current Song: Unknown.
JB Suggests: Guerreiro by Curumin. I'm a little rusty on my Portuguese, but I believe guerreiro translates to warrior. I would take Yorvy in a basebrawl against almost any catcher in the league. He seems like the kind of guy that would go loco on your cabeza. Why not go ahead and make the pitcher aware of that fact before Yorvy steps to the plate?
Ryan Spilborghs
Current Song: The Sweet Escape by Gwen Stefani
JB Suggests: Song 2 by Blur. It's pretty obvious that the guys from SoCal get together and actually put some thought into what song they're going to choose. Spilly definitely has all of Coors Field singing along when he comes to bat, so it's hard to argue with his choice. WEEEE OOOO! Still, when combined with Holliday and Tulow's choices, this puts the team a little too close to a child molester, a sex addict, and Hollaback Girl for my liking. He could get the same reaction using Blur's Song 2. WOOOOO HOO! See?

Jeff Francis
Current Song: Angels Of The Silences by Counting Crows
JB Suggests: Taking Care Of Business by Bachman-Turner Overdrive. Because he's Canadian and he takes care of business. Again with the subtlety.

Manny Corpas
Current Song: Impacto by Daddy Yankee
JB Suggests: Sí Señor by Control Machete. I hate to sound like I'm stereotyping here, but it seems like a lot of Latino players are using Daddy Yankee songs lately. If the powers that be at Coors Field added a few huge subwoofers to each section and they played this track... I guarantee Corpas' entrance in the 9th would have everyone in the house bouncin'.

Josh Fogg
Current Song: Slow Ride by Foghat
JB Suggests: A fog horn. Don't get me wrong, The Fogger strikes me as the kind of guy who knows his music and the fun that can be had when one must choose 10 seconds of a song that best describes oneself, hence the Foghat. But how cool would it be if the P.A. announcer said "Now pitching... Number 37... Josh... Fogg..." and they just blasted a freaking fog horn? That would rule.
Brian Fuentes
Current song: For You by Staind
JB Suggests: Love Rollercoaster by The Ohio Players. My fellow Rox fans and I have adopted a new tradition when Fuentes trots out of the bullpen. We go "click-click-click-click-click" and then act like we're on a roller coaster. That pretty much sums up what our emotions are like when the Rox decide to buy the ticket for Mr. Fuentes' Wild Ride. Why not embrace it in song? We love you Brian. No... yes.

¡Viva Los Rockies!

2007-10-16T12:16:00.001-05:00

[Plugged In To: Ben Harper / The Will To Live ]

A brief re-cap of my weekend...

Thursday, 10/11: Left work a wee bit early to take part in happy hour at Rock Bottom. It just so happened that Game 1 of the NLCS was on television that evening. It also just so happened to be the night they tapped the new stock of beer, so it was free from 6:00 til 6:30. Niiiice. Got a nice buzz going, the Rockies won, and I played softball. Didn't get to sleep until 1am. That wouldn't have been a problem except...

Friday, 10/12: Woke up at 4:00am to meet Jeff to go to the airport. Our destination: Vegas. I flew standby, so I got a middle seat and maybe 25 minutes of sleep on the plane. Got to Vegas, rented a car, and drove to Phoenix for Game 2 of the NLCS. The Rockies won again and we drove halfway back to Vegas. I went to bed a little after 4:00am (Pacific) meaning I was awake for 25 hours.

Saturday, 10/13: Woke up at 8:30am and drove the rest of the way to Vegas. Saw my Hurricanes choke away my first wager of the weekend. They are awful. Made more wagers on the Tribe/Indians game and won a few bucks. Got a prime rib dinner at 3:30am. Stayed up until after 5:00am.

Sunday, 10/14: Slept in and hung out for most of the morning watching football. Cursed the Bengals and Titans for ruining my parlay. Went to The Mirage for the Rockies game and had LITs thrown at us like they were going out of style. The Rockies won. Meandered down to the MGM and got some more drinks. Made an old lady feel really uncomfortable while sitting at a slot machine. It was her own fault for eavesdropping. Stayed up until 2:30am.

Monday, 10/15: Walked around Vegas for most of the day. Had a delicious lunch at Mesa Grill. Played 2 bucks on slots at Bally's and won 20, enough for a cab ride to the airport. Also got a free Corona. Got a ride from DIA to my car by the world's most disgruntled cabbie. Got home around 9:00pm. Changed into Rockies gear. Pondered going downtown, thought against it, then figured I would regret it if I didn't go. Went to Swanky's and watched the end of the game. Went outside and watched people go absolutely nuts. Gave a homeless junkie 1 dollar for a boob job in exchange for a light of a cigarette. Bought my NL Champs tee. Met Jeff and Monique for celebratory libations at Pat's. Walked around LoDo soaking it all in for about a half hour... got home around 2:00am.

Tuesday, 10/16: Very tired.

SABR Haven - June

2007-07-02T13:18:00.001-05:00

TEAM	AVG	OBP	SLG	OPS	ERA	WHIP	K/9
BAL	.275	.351	.463	.814	3.85	1.23	8.58
CHI	.269	.351	.452	.804	3.92	1.36	7.05
LAA	.291	.363	.484	.847	3.96	1.34	7.53
MAR	.271	.339	.435	.774	4.39	1.30	8.02
MHI	.281	.347	.455	.803	3.36	1.23	7.43
NHV	.286	.348	.446	.794	2.93	1.30	8.02
SPD	.288	.355	.473	.829	4.08	1.32	7.21
WOO	.280	.373	.487	.859	4.11	1.35	6.43

The Top Eight - League MVP Edition

2007-05-30T09:12:00.003-05:00

8. HANLEY RAMIREZ, SS, MILE HIGH MACKEREL
He's just one half of the Mackerel's superstar shortstop tandem, but his future keeper potential and status as an ex-Rated Rookie for the Sawx boost Hanley Ramirez's value over that of teammate Jimmy Rollins. Not to mention his hot start, which helped propel Mile High to the top of the standings for most of the first third of the season.
Currently in a near dead-heat for 2nd place among shortstops, Hanley is one of only five middle infielders with over 4 points per game. His performance during the summer, fronting an inconsistent Marlins lineup, could be the key to a Macks resurgence, or the gateway to a blockbuster trade.

7. FRANCISCO CORDERO, CP, CHICAGO TIGER ARMY
Its not often that a closer enters the MVP conversation. Only Eric Gagne's 2003 campaign for New Haven and Guillermo Hernandez's 1984 season with the Marlow Cracker Kings come to mind. Enter Frankie Cordero. He leads the league in points per week out the pen with 28.5, and had a stretch in late April and early May when he was getting saves every other game.
Adler's Army can attribute at least 2 or 3 wins directly to Cordero's arm. Those 2 or 3 wins could turn into 5 or 6 when Adler acquires Jonathan Papelbon from Speedway sometime in July for Hunter Pence, the rights to Jacoby Ellsbury, and a book from his baseball reading shelf.

6. CHIPPER JONES, 3B, BALTIMORE DEVIL JAYS
After years at the top of draft boards, Jones has fallen in recent years - none more than in the '07 draft, when Baltimore picked him up in the 13th round. And he may still be under the radar, playing in his 57th year in Atlanta, but Chipper's rebirth as a fantasy stud has helped Jon Grashow's Jays claim the top spot in the standings through Week 8.
At nearly 4.5 PPG, Jones trails only A-Rod at the position and is currently the 4th best hitter overall. Baltimore continues to dominate on the mound, so any surprises at the plate always cause concern for the rest of the league. If Jones can stay healthy, he and Prince Fielder could challenge A-Rod and Ortiz for corner infield supremacy.

5. JAKE PEAVY, SP, SPEEDWAY STARWIPES
Sure, keeping Victor Martinez would have worked out pretty well so far for the 'Wipes. But dumping him in favor of Jake Peavy just prior to Draft Week '07 has turned out to be their biggest victory of the year. After years of benching any and every pitcher without a 2-start week, including perennial ace Roy Halladay, Ryan Friedman has finally found a hoss he can ride every week.
At 25 points per outing, Peavy leads all starters by nearly 3 full points, and is a near-lock to strikeout 8-12 batters per game, making even a non-win a chance for big points. His most valuable contribution however, might be weaning Speedway off of their 2-starter habit, which has netted them exactly 1 playoff appearance in the last 4 years.

4. JOSE REYES, SS, WOOSTA PIMP ROOSTAS
The first of two MVP candidates for the Roostas, Reyes is one of many Woosta hitters trying to make up for the disastrous start on the mound. In an emerging pack of young shortstops, Reyes has used his speed and a great lineup to lead the position by nearly a half point per game. In just two short years, Reyes has gone from young bust to surprise keeper to coveted superstar.
If the playoff streak of GM Rich Gallup is to be extended to 19 for 19, Reyes will need to have more performances like Weeks 1, 2 and 3, when he totalled 102 points in just 16 games.

3. ALEX RODRIGUEZ, 3B, WOOSTA PIMP ROOSTAS
He'd be higher if I thought anyone would vote for him. Lots of home runs early in the season. Kind of slowing down lately. Leads all infielders in points per game. Is a Yankee. Here's a picture - let's move on.

2. VLADIMIR GUERRERO, OF, MILE HIGH MACKEREL
As many of Mile High's old guard have slowed down, Guerrero is having one of his finest seasons to date. Currently sitting at 4.27 PPG, Vlad is second among all outfielders, and was the best hitter for the first place team for much of the early season.
What makes Guerrero even more valuable is how awful the rest of Bielecki's outfield has been. What looked like a juggernaut on paper with two Yankees and a Red Soxck has mostly flopped. Now Michael Cuddyer is Mile High's 2nd best outfielder, and Ken Griffey Jr is their hottest of late. Through it all, the long-time Mack Guerrero has been the consistent force.

1. MAGGLIO ORDONEZ, OF, SPEEDWAY STARWIPES
Drafted in the same round and Chone Figgins and Stephen Drew, and dumped in favor of Ryan Church during the first week of the season, the fantasy career of Magglio Ordonez appeared to be heading for what we like to call Town Bikeland. 8 weeks later, he's the hottest hitter in the league and the leading candidate for most valuable player.
After not even playing in the first three weeks, Ordonez is still 12th among all outfielders in total points, ahead of Manny Ramirez, Vernon Wells, Alfonso Soriano, AND Jack Cust. All this, thanks to a per-game average approaching 6.00 in the middle of a potent Tigers offense. Ordonez might have all the makings of a sell-high candidate but, for now, he's the leader of a surprisingly solid Starwipe lineup and the current frontrunner for MVP.

Adler the Recapler - Week 6

2007-05-16T06:34:00.002-05:00

ANAHEIM (6) def. BALTIMORE (3)

This matchup was only the second-most important thing that Baltimore owner Jon Grashow did last week as he tossed aside years of tradition and grabbed a Yankee. Not just any Yankee but Mariano Rivera. The league was shocked, not because he’s a Yankee, but because he’s been so bad. In the actual matchup, Bob’s LA of Anaheim or California of the USA Squatters put up their 2nd-highest score of the year with 396.7 points. With a league-high for the week of 292 hitting points, Bob was paced by, well, everyone except Mike Piazza, who didn’t play. All other hitters put up double digits. On the mound, Bob was led by Brandon Webb and John Lackey, who continue to be two of the best, albeit underrated, pitchers in ECB.

In Baltimore, Grashow received the worst performance from his team this year with only 330 points (nearly 50 below his previous low score). Although all of his pitchers broke into double digits, there wer few stellar games, as Randy Wolf was the only player to crack 30 points. At the plate, Adam Dunn shone with a co-hitter of the week showing of 37, but there was little else to reward, as only 3 other batters broke 20.

NEW HAVEN (5) def. MARSHALL ST (4)

At the beginning of the season, Jeff seemed to fulfill his date with destiny by drafting Mariano Rivera. Well, it was a short date. The kind where something awkward happens and the date ends early, like a half hour in. "I'm sorry, it's just not working out. It's not you, it's me." That's the way Stanley broke the news to Rivera in the locker room. The good news is that Rivera went out with a win, although he didn't contribute much. Stanley's hitters were led by Mike Lowell's surprising 36 points. The pitching was paced by 3 of Stanley's 800 closers, in particular Billy Wagner, Trevor Hoffman, and Takashi Saito.

A week after knocking off ECB powerhouse Woosta, Menace GM Jon Watterson was disappointed with his team's performance, coming up short next to Stanley, (ED NOTE: Ha!) although Watterson had to be pleased with his team's improving offense. He pointed to Gary Matthews Jr, Carlos Lee, and Derek Jeter who all posted 30+ points. Despite the solid hitting, however, Marshall St. was betrayed by C.C. Sabathia, Chris Ray, and Aki Otsuka who all posted subpar performances. When reached for comment, Jon refused to make excuses, except for one: "My team was clearly looking ahead to our rematch with the Pimps."

SPEEDWAY (6) def. WOOSTA (3)

In the battle of former GSC teammates, Ryan T. Friedman's Wipes earned a 6-3 victory. With a strong pitching performance of 185.7 points for the week, Speedway were led by Fausto Carmona and Ted Lilly both posting over 40. With the bats, everyone but Josh "The Natural" Hamilton posted double figures. Hamilton was promptly cut and now resides in Baltimore. Friedman was quoted while signing the release papers as saying, "Cue starwipe...and you're out."

In an uncharacteristic down year (ED NOTE: So far. Don't hurt us.), Rich's Pimps were handed their 3rd-straight loss since stomping Chicago with their league high of 555 points 4 weeks ago. Woosta was led by David Ortiz and Justin Morneau both posting 35 points, and only Ian Kinsler failing to reach double digits. On the mound, the unlikely triumverate of Ian Snell, Chris Young, and Oliver Perez led the way, combining for 102.7 points. When reached for comment on the beaches of Hawaii, Gallup was brief, simply stating, "Go ahead. Write us off. See what happens."

CHICAGO (8) def. MILE HIGH (1)

In the smackdown of the week, Chicago beat down Mile High to the tune of an 8-1 result. Aided by the second-highest hitting performance of the week, Adler's Army posted a season-high 465.5 points. With co-hitter of the week Lance Berkman's 37 points and Gary Sheffield and Russell Martin posting strong weeks, the Army put up 276 at the plate alone. The pitchers received at least 25 points from everyone except Doug Davis for a league high 189.5.

Mile HIgh's Jon Bielecki stated that his team was betrayed by his hitting. And he was right, as the lineup only managed a team-low for '07 with 181 points, although Ken Griffey Jr was the final co-hitter of the week. Particularly putrid were the efforts of Pudge Rodriguez, Derrek Lee, and - ah screw it - the entire infield. On the pitching side, the Macks were saved by Brad Penny's pitcher of the week showing with 58.67 points. JB has failed to write his team off after a second straight losing week (ED NOTE: Probably because he's still in first place), and walked out of the locker room offering the following encouragement: "A little less suck out there next week fellas."

Adler the Recapler - Week 4

2007-05-07T07:08:00.000-05:00

In the week that was for week 4 the cream of the crop has started to distance themselves from the rest of the pack. It is a long season though and only time will tell how it unfolds.

Marshall St. @ New Haven

In a battle of teams picked to finish at or near the bottom by a near league consensus Owner Jeff Stanley's Cones emerged with nearly 400 points walking away with a 7-2 victory. With Jose Valverde leading the way, Jeff recieved between 18-36 points from each of his closers and the Cones put up the third highest pitching total of the week. On the hitting side the Cones were led by a resurgent Sammy Sosa who posted 34 points and whose veteran tips helped first round pick Carl Crawford post 33 points. Marshall St was betrayed by his pitching posting a league low total of 81 points. Only Dontrelle Willis was able to post more than 14 points for the week with two solid outings. Watterson's hitting was led by the unlikely trio of Josh Willingham, Rocco Baldelli, and Chad Tracy.

Anaheim @ Mile High

In a battle of the two westernmost teams in ECB, JB's team walked away with a 6-3 victory. JB continues to lead the pack after four weeks with a league best record of 26-10. The Macks were powered by a week-best pitching performance of 195.17 points. With both John Maine and Danny Haren posting over 50 points and Al Reyes putting up an additional 41.5, JB's team distanced itself from Anaheim. With the lumber, the Mackerel were led by Jimmy Rollins' 43 points and supported by Kelly Johnson's 35 and Derrek Lee's 32. Anaheim had the second highest pitching total coming in with 145 points, but it wasn't enough. Led by Aaron Harang's 49.83 and Scott Kazmir's 32.83, Bob was able to give JB his second closest week to date. On the hitting side, Torii Hunter led the way with 33 points followed by Kevin Youkilis and Travis Hafner.

Chicago @ Baltimore

Chicago was the only away team to win this week emerging with a 6-3 victory. The bats of Chicago finally awoke and broke 300 points for the first time this year, posting a 301. With 10 of 13 players posting over 20 points only Manny Ramirez, Ryan Howard, and Scott Rolen failed to break the 20 point barrier. On the pitching side, closers Coco Cordero and Flash Gordon led the way with 37 and 25 points respectively. Baltimore's bats led the way as Chipper Jones posted a 34 with Edgar Renteria and Baltimore's favorite son Grady Sizemore posting 30s. On the pitching side, Baltimore was led by first round pick Francisco Rodriguez and was hurt by Kip Wells only starting once and posting a -3.

Woosta @ Speedway

In the marquee matchup of the week, Speedway walked away with an 8-1 victory. One week after posting a season high of 555 points, Rich's bats were not nearly as potent. With not one batter breaking 30 points a week after 5 did, Rich's team struggled to keep pace with the 'Wipes. Michael Barrett, Bill Hall, and Nick Markakis all failing to crack double digits certainly didn't help the cause. Rich recieved solid efforts across the board on his pitching staff with the exception of Bob Wickman who merely covers the board... because he's fat. Speedway was led by a week-high of 363 hitting points. With Magglio Ordonez, Chase Utley, and Vernon Wells all breaking 40 points, GM Ryan Friedman's victory was assured before his pitchers took the field. When the pitchers did hurl, everyone - with the exception af Kyle Davies - turned in solid weeks.

Saber Haven - April

2007-05-02T06:48:00.000-05:00

TEAM	AVG	OBP	SLG	OPS	ERA	WHIP	K/9
BAL	.267	.354	.461	.815	4.07	1.33	8.23
CHI	.279	.380	.435	.815	3.83	1.28	7.26
LAA	.269	.347	.435	.782	3.51	1.32	7.22
MAR	.287	.354	.431	.785	5.19	1.39	8.46
MHI	.307	.377	.481	.858	3.41	1.21	5.61
NHV	.249	.325	.389	.714	2.43	1.05	7.70
SPD	.286	.368	.472	.841	3.46	1.30	7.81
WOO	.278	.362	.532	.894	4.70	1.53	6.26

Bob Uecker, please report to Minute Maid Park

2007-04-18T08:07:00.002-05:00

From Yahoo:

Carlos Lee made good on a promise to his fans.
Lee, nicknamed "El Caballo" or "The Horse," received a stick horse from the fans who call themselves "Los Caballitos" before Tuesday's game and vowed he'd ride it if he hit a homer.
The home run to the Crawford Boxes in left field off Jorge Julio put Houston ahead 2-1 in the fourth. Lee trotted around the bases and then galloped through the dugout on the stick horse while receiving congratulatory pats from his teammates.
"I promised them that I would do it and I did it," he said with the furry horse peeking out of his locker over his right shoulder.

Draft Recap '07 - Back in Blog Form

2007-04-09T14:19:00.002-05:00

Thanks to some quick writing from some of our KFS stalwarts, here's the Draft Recap for 2007. Following the team capsules, check out the writers' predictions for this year's standings.

Potential Steal - Pedro Martinez
Too Soon! - In a normal league, Dice-K. In this league...Alex Rios.
Guy you were about to take - Carlos Zambrano
Guy you would never, ever take - Barry Bonds
Panic picks - Matsuzaka, Bonds, Rios
When the pre-rankings obviously ran out - After the first 6 redraft picks, when Rich's first 6 choices were gone
Highest pick cut during the season - Erik Bedard - I tried to make a case for someone before him, but was unsuccessful
Draft Strategy - Hitters that crush the ball and a couple of high strikeout pitchers
Humor Pick quality - Good to fair - bringing back memories of "The Package" qualifies for this slot
Overall hitting outlook - Ridiculous - Ortiz, Pujols, Morneau, Reyes...the list goes on and on
Overall pitching outlook - Improved quickly with Dice-K and Zambrano. Not that Rich cares about or likes pitching

Potential Steal - Rich Harden - Everyone after him is either hurt, already traded, or Coco Crisp.
Too Soon! - Alex Gordon - Best case scenario? 25 home runs. Real-life scenario? He's on the Royals.
I was about to pick - Michael Young
I would never, ever pick - Jim Thome
Panic picks - Alex Gordon, Delmon Young, Jered Weaver. Clearly scared of the Wipes.
When the pre-rankings obviously ran out - Right before Coco Crisp, I hope
Highest pick cut during the season - Gordon, especially if he heads for the minors
Draft Strategy - Young bucks with upside and high-risk pitchers with huge K potential
Humor Pick quality - 7 out of 10 - Delwyn Young is neither Muslim nor reminiscent of anyone from Keene. Still...
Overall hitting outlook - One steady star in Sizemore, with all-or-nothing threats looming behind him
Overall pitching outlook - Untouchable if healthy. Combination of depth and talent means a POTW candidate every single week

Potential Steal - Russell Martin - You try finding a 20-HR catcher long after the Great Backstop Heist ends
Too Soon! - Felix Hernandez - Adler should have at least waited until he was on Speedway to try and draft the King
I was about to pick - Felix Hernandez
I would never, ever pick - Scott Rolen
Panic picks - Stephen Drew, Tad Iguchi
When the pre-rankings obviously ran out - After Josh Beckett. When the beer ran out? after Derek Lowe.
Highest pick cut during the season - Adler = The Boy Who Did Not Love Tom Gordon Whatsoever
Draft Strategy - Take established superstars who can help win now. Please, help him.
Humor Pick quality - High to quite high - Worst Asian Available + Street Fighter reference = gold
Overall hitting outlook - Just a notch below Woosta, thanks to the best outfield in the league and The Office's Ryan Howard
Overall pitching outlook - Aging, but solid. Oswalt takes over as staff hoss.

Potential Steal - Jason Schmidt - When healthy, I’ve always been a big fan of Schmidtty. Not that he needs the help, but Dodgers Stadium (ECHO BASE! WOOT! WOOT!) will get him more outs than Tel-Co Park in San Fran.
Too Soon! - Matt Cain - With Hamels, Smoltz, Bonderman, Verlander, and Harden still on the board, Frieds may have reached a bit for Cain.
I was about to pick - Jeff Francoeur - Mancrush #2 - "Will Francoeur swing at the first pitch" is the best bet in Vegas
I would never, ever pick - Tim Lincecum - Because I've never heard of him
Panic picks - Hank Blalock - "Crap, my pre-rankings just ran out...uhhh..Blalock, he's cool!" I've been there.
When the pre-rankings obviously ran out - Hank Blalock.
Highest pick cut during the season - Julio Lugo - I just can't wrap my mind around this guy being good enough to warrant a permanent spot on a roster in a league this small
Draft Strategy - The Frieds Strategy - Draft a couple of guys he always wanted/had and the rest need to be under 28.
Humor Pick quality - Tony F. Pena - Tied in well with his tendency of picking dudes born after 1980, and was also a Red Sox reference at the same time. Not bad.
Overall hitting outlook - Based on the draft, I'd say this lineup has the potential to do some major damage this year. Frieds always seems to put together a lineup that is imposing but not consistent. That being said, I think this team will absolutely destroy the rest of the league on certain weeks, as long as they can keep their team strikeout totals under 300.
Overall pitching outlook - Pitching will be the true strength of the 'Wipes this year. Any team in the league would love to have any of Peavy, Halladay, Schmidt, and Papelbon. Plus, the potential of Verlander and Cain is pretty impressive and daunting to the competition.

Potential Steal - Rich Hill - Normally we should be impressed that Bob got Chien Ming Wang in round 24. But, the dude's a Yankee. Rich Hill, however, could be the pitcher that Frieds kept thinking Mark Prior would turn into.
Too Soon! - (tie) Aaron Harang, Torii Hunter - The Reds "ace" and the new Garrett Anderson should not be in anybody's first five picks.
Guy you were about to take - Dan Uggla and Freddy Sanchez - Instead I got Ian Kinsler. D'oh?
Guy you would never, ever take - Lyle Overbay. Total league taboo, getting between Adler and his man like that.
Panic picks - Jason Bay. Bob was so worried he wouldn't get Bay back, he asked if he could change his keepers 20 minutes before draft time. And Chone Figgins, stupid Yahoo overranking him by our standards.
When the pre-rankings obviously ran out - After Jason Bay.
Highest pick cut during the season - See "Too Soon!"
Draft Strategy - Plan on taking Daisuke to dangle as trade bait over league full of Red Sox fans, then check last year's roster a half hour before the draft and realize you kept Brandon Webb over Jason Bay. Kick Daisuke to the curb, pick Bay, then draft for strikeouts and well-groomed East Bay DHs
Humor Pick quality - Pac-10ish. Bob's always gonna draft Cal, which is respectable.
Overall hitting outlook - Great keepers won't be getting much help from draftees
Overall pitching outlook - Many much strikeouts

Potential Steal - Brett Myers - Myers has always been a favorite of mine. His high strikeout totals, coupled with the fact that the Phillies could win a bunch of games this year, means that Myers has a good chance of outscoring the likes of Chad Cordero, Erik Bedard, and Chris Young, all of whom were taken before Myers.
Too Soon! - Juan Pierre - In this league, Juan Pierre is about as valuable as a Derek Jeter rookie card in Southie. The fact that stolen bases are in far less demand than home runs and extra base hits leads me to the conclusion that Pierre would have slipped several rounds, if he would have been drafted at all. In my opinion, there are only a handful of “small ball” type players worth drafting and J.P. is not one of them. Pierre has since been cut. Good pick, Watts.
I was about to pick - Carlos Lee - He was #1 on my list, I'm not gonna lie
I would never, ever pick - Pierre, Corey Patterson, Rocco Baldelli - These guys all sort of fall into the “small ball” category. Corey Patterson spent time in AAA last year, I believe. Once guys get to the bigs, I usually make it a point not to draft them if they get sent back down. Especially if they’re 28. I had Baldelli on my team once. Didn’t work out well. If you’re reading this, you can probably relate.
Panic picks - Can a computer panic? Was Watts even there? If he was, was he in such an altered state that he even could panic? I dunno. Chris Ray.
When the pre-rankings obviously ran out - Brian McCann - McCann was a good pick, and will probably be one of the highest scoring catchers in the league… but I think we’re all a little curious as to why Watts felt he needed 3 catchers by the start of Round 10.
Highest pick cut during the season - Juan Pierre - April 2, 7:41am.
Draft Strategy - The Bitch-About-How-JB-Thinks-I’m-Not-Dedicated-To-The-League-And-Then-Not-Show-Up Strategy. Maybe the All-Catchers-All-The-Time Strategy? I was one of several GMs who was scratching my head for a few picks until I figured/assumed that Watts didn’t show. Honestly though, he probably shouldn’t have even bothered to pre-rank anyone. Humor Pick quality - Morgan Ensberg - Not so funny.
Overall hitting outlook - I’m wondering where the power is going to come from. Glaus (if healthy) and Lee are really the only two guys Watts can realistically expect to hit 30 homers. Like every team, they’ll probably have their shining weeks, but over the haul of the season Watts is going to need to scour the waiver wire for some power. After the draft, Watts traded away two of his catchers… but for Dontrelle Willis and Jhonny Peralta. Hmmm…
Overall pitching outlook - Poor Watts fell into the Lidge Trap. 4… 3… 2… 1… did he cut him yet? How about now? Other than that, it wound up being a noticeably shallow staff, especially by Watts’ standards. Since the draft, Watts used his virtual plethora of catchers to beef it up a little bit, but I’m not so sure how well a post-draft assembled pitching staff can perform.

Potential Steal - Jason Giambi or Brad Penny. If this was before the season, I'd say Prior instead of Penny. What can I say, dude was awesome... like that one time...
Too Soon! - Barry Zito. As any impartial sports fan in the Bay Area has learned over the last several months, that dude's going to suuuuuuuck.
Guy you were about to take - Sooo many. Hanley, JD, Cole, Haren, Burnett, and Griffey Jr. And fine, Barry Zito. As any impartial sports fan in the Bay Area has learned over the last several months, that dude's awesome
Guy you would never, ever take - Besides all the Yankees, Michael Cuddyer. I keep thinking he's Geoff Jenkins.
Panic picks - JD Drew. A veteran like JB knows that one can only panic in the first few rounds of the draft, since they're the only ones that count. The rest is just for fun. When I jacked his Overbay (Nick Swisher), he struck back the only way he could, by taking the Red Sox shiny new outfielder.
When the pre-rankings obviously ran out - After Zito. JB would never rank Marcus Giles and AJ Burnett seriously.
Highest pick cut during the season - Eric Chavez. Remember when Peter Gammons would promise this would be the year Chavvy would hit 40 homers, like every year? For the last 7 years?
Draft Strategy - Take good players. Make fun of Adler. Repeat.
Humor Pick quality - Even as a humor pick, Sammy Sooser will still outproduce half of Watts' draft.
Overall hitting outlook - Solid, but keepers may finally start to show their age.
Overall pitching outlook - Also solid. Apparently Cole Hamels is cult-favorite awesome. Like Zito used to be, but isn't anymore.

Potential Steal - Jose Valverde
Too Soon! - Felipe Lopez. Unless Ffej is recruiting for St. Johns. Because that worked out real well...
Guy you were about to take - Howie Kendrick
Guy you would never, ever take - Mariano Rivera symbolizes all that is evil
Panic picks - Tom Glavine - This guy has NEVER saved even one game
When the pre-rankings obviously ran out - Round 24 - The last round he drafted a closer
Highest pick cut during the season - Howie Kendrick - He's already playing for Chicago, and everyone who went before him is either a closer or Carl Crawford.
Draft Strategy - The Pokemon Closer Strategy - Gotta collect 'em all!
Humor Pick quality - Poor, although Wigginton does SOUND kind of funny
Overall hitting outlook - Okay. Ramirez, Dye, and Delgado must carry this team.
Overall pitching outlook - Starters? Piss poor. Closers? Unrivaled.

Adler:
1. Woosta
2. Chicago
3. LA of Anaheim
4. Mile High
5. Baltimore
6. Speedway
7. New Haven
8. Marshall St

JB:
1. Speedway
2. Woosta
3. Mile High
4. LA of Anaheim
5. Baltimore
6. Chicago
7. Marshall St
8. New Haven

Ryan:
1. Baltimore
2. Woosta
3. Chicago
4. Speedway
5. Mile High
6. Marshall St
7. New Haven
8. LA of Anaheim

Rich:
1. Woosta
2. Baltimore
3. Mile High
4. Speedway
5. LA of Anaheim
6. Chicago
7. Marshall St.
8. New Haven

Gum Not Included

2007-04-06T12:55:00.000-05:00

I'm still willing to make a t-shirt from scratch for this year's champion. But this is awfully tempting...

Where Are They Now?

2007-03-27T10:36:00.001-05:00

Let me bring y’alls back to March 2001. Seriously, we were all still in college. I know because the crumpled up piece of paper in my closet says I graduated later that Spring. The number one song was “Angel” by Shaggy and the top draw at the box office was Exit Wounds. Who would have predicted that one little password was about to change our lives? Even more than Exit Wounds.

On an unseasonably warm March day*, somewhere between 4 and 8 fantasy sports pioneers gathered around their computers to embark on a journey that continues to this day. With a click of the mouse, Rich Gallup made Pedro Martinez the first official member of a KFS team. The first round continued with luminaries such as Jeff Bagwell, Kevin Brown, Sammy Sosa, and Darin Erstad being called to the stage as a PornBat, or a Numbnut, or a Bergie.

*may have been snowing several inches per hour

And while a few owners considered the draft over when the ghost of Mike Keyes drafted Richard Hidalgo in Round 7, the best was actually yet to come. Lance Berkman to Bookland in Round 13? Nope. Ichiro to VHQ in Round 19? Child’s play. Surely, I mean Mike Sirotka to T-Dub in Round 15. No, I’m talking about the tradition like none other – the final round funny pick. So let’s hop in the wayback machine and revisit Round 23, 6 years ago.

By the way, that initial league password? “jonrobbins”. Continue, if you can…

Pick 177 – VHQ StalkerDodgers – Travis “Gookie” Dawkins

2001: The homeless man’s Pokey Reese did not appear in one MLB game in 2001, choosing instead to bust out a year later with 5 hits in 48 ABs to the tune of a .389 OPS.

Where is Gookie now: After spending ’06 with the Pirates AAA affiliate in Indianapolis, where he played in 66 games and outhit Chris Truby, Gookie was one of 4 non-roster invitee infielders in Seattle Mariners camp in 2007. The other 3 (and I am not making this up) were Rey Ordonez, Matt Tuiasosopo, and Sean Burroughs. I can’t figure out if he’s been cut yet, but it appears he might begin the season with the big club. This once again proves my theory – making the Mariners squad is very difficult.

Pick 178 – EMF EscortWagons – Turk Wendell

2001: Turk went 4-5 with 1 save in 70 total appearances for the Mets and Phillies. His WHIP, and I know you were wondering, was 1.448.

Where is Turk now: OK, first of all, Turk Wendell went to Quinnipiac? How did I not know that. You guys knew that, right? Anyway, after he was told he wasn’t good enough to pitch in Colorado, Wendell somehow avoided killing himself before finally calling it quits in 2005. He is now most known for pointing at former teammates and saying “NANNY NANNY STEROID USER!” He also wears a Jeff Stanley t-shirt to all public appearances.

Pick 179 – T-Dub Firestones – Mitch Meluskey

2001: Yet another final-round selection who failed to show up in the box score in 2001, Meluskey clearly plateaued a year earlier by hitting 14 of his 15 career home runs and stealing 1 of his 2 career stolen bases

Where is Mitch now: The once-promising heir to the Randy Kutcher redneck name throne fizzled out after taking hitting lessons from Brad Ausmus for 3 seasons and punching out teammate Matt Mieske during a batting-cage fight. I’m totally remembering all this stuff off the top of my head…

Pick 180 – Rich’s Sales Clerks – DeWayne Wise

2001: Continuing our theme, Larry DeWayne Wise played nary a game in ’01. But forget that, why did we let Adler name his team “Rich’s”? That was totally confusing, especially since they both wore vests a lot at work.

Where is DeWayne now: When not being the annoying voiceover guy for CNN Headline Sports (no?), Wise can be found plying his trade as a member of the AAA Louisville Bats, where he shares a locker room with Dan Conway (not that Dan Conway), Rick Asadoorian (that Rick Asadoorian) and Mark Bellhorn (definitely that Mark Bellhorn)

Pick 181 – Bookland PornBats – Rocky Biddle

2001: Funny name, sure. But a serious game also. Biddle won a whopping 7 games for the White Sox in ’01, despite bowing to pressure and walking 3 batters intentionally. Pussy.

Where is Rocky now: Perhaps most well known for winning a Pitcher of the Week award in 2003, when he saved 34 games for Montreal and New Haven, Lee Francis “Rocky” Biddle suffered a torn labrum in 2005 and was released by the Washington Nationals. To answer the question, though, I have no idea.

Pick 182 – MSDW Numbnuts – Bengie Molina

2001: The slowest Molina (which is like the tallest Braden) hit 5 home runs and knocked in 40 for the Wherever Angels of Wherever. He was 0 for 1 on stolen base attempts, thus costing MSDW GM Jon Watterson a crucial point in, lets say Week 9.

Where is Bengie now: A tradition within a tradition began with this pick, as Watterson tried to pick actual MLB contributors in the final round while the rest of us frantically scrolled for hyphens and z’s in names. 84 career home runs and 2 gold gloves qualifies as contributing I suppose, so Molina fits the bill. In 2007, Bengie will try and replace SF icon Mike Matheny behind the plate. He has recently been spotted lapping Barry Bonds in windsprints around the diamond.

Pick 183 – Baybutt Pirates – Vinny Castilla

2001: After getting over the irony of a Mexican being drafted by a guy who went to college in the middle of the woods in Virginia, Castilla easily trounced his final round brethren in performance, hitting 25 bombs in Tampa and Houston

Where is Vinny now: Short story? He’s retired. Long story? His last professional baseball appearance came as a member of the 2007 Mexican entry into the Caribbean Series. His team finished last in the tournament, despite being led in home runs by Alfredo Amezaga (1).

Pick 184 – Bergiez – Bobby Bonilla

2001: When is a non-humor pick the best humor pick ever? When it’s our very first Mr. Irrelevant and his name is Bobby freaking Bonilla, that’s when. Bobby batted .213 in 93 games with the Cardinals in ’01, and pretty much faded into Bolivia shortly thereafter.

Where is Bobby now: I was afraid to look, but fear not - Bobby is somehow a functioning member of society, currently holding it down as an MLB union rep. He also sits grudgingly in a tie for 124^th on the all-time home run list, his dogged pursuit of Kent Hrbek having apparently stalled just six measly dingers short.

So there you have it. Who will be added to this pantheon this weekend? Tune in at 8:45 ET this Saturday to find out. Actually, tune in and then go away for about an hour while actual rosters are boringly constructed out of middle-of-the-road Brewers pitchers. THEN tune back in towards the end.